Relationship Issue - Personal Conflict (Kinda Emo)

[Ran]

So I think me and the girlfriend may actually be splitting up soon. My fault too.

The thing is, I love my girlfriend and I do feel happy with her. Yet, at the same time, I'm just not happy with the way my life is going. All I do is work, come home for a few hours, and go to sleep. Everyday it's the same thing. I spend my money on rent, car payments, insurance, and little sh*t here and there to keep me entertained. That's really about it. Life is just so boring right now that I can't stand it.

Reflecting back, I constantly look back at when I was almost set to leave for my trip. God I wanted to leave and now I'm feeling that same way again. Much like then, I think that my girlfriend is the primary thing that's keeping me here in the US. On one hand, I want to stay here with her but, on the other, I want to drop everything and finally leave on this trip.

I'm really torn and I'm not sure if I can be content here or not anymore. Anyone got any words of wisdom or advice? Sorry for the emo-ish spill.

[Sammich]

at the end of the day man, it whether you are happy or not. YOU have to be happy, its not selfish, its life. like what i was told and asked so many times during this engagement w/ my fiancee..i keep getting asked, 'are you happy'. i'm happy, yea there are slumps just like there is gona be in anything, but all in all, what will make you happier? her or moving?

[Elbow]

Take her with you?

I think it's important to follow your instinct on what seems right to you, do what YOU need to be happy.

[WhiteAccord]

Do what you think is right and whatever makes you happy.. But to break up with someone your with just so you can be happy... is somwhat selfish... but then if that person truely understands how you feel they should be able to suport you no matter what.

[quickdodge®]

But to break up with someone your with just so you can be happy... is somwhat selfish...

That's a crock of ****. If you're not happy, then, eventually, you're going to cause your SO to be not happy as well. You would be doing yourself and the SO a disservice if you stayed together. Let the SO go and find someone that is happy and you go and find someone or do whatever it is you need to do to find your happiness. It's not fair at all to keep a person with you when you're not happy.

Ran, that wasn't to you as in what you should do. It was just a general statement about the above quote. Just do what you feel you need to do to get yourself in order and follow your heart. Later, QD.

[Thighs]

if you need to break up with her to be happy, do it. if she loves you back, she should understand. like everybody else in here said, in the end its about YOU being happy with your life.

[Sammich]

Do what you think is right and whatever makes you happy.. But to break up with someone your with just so you can be happy... is somwhat selfish... but then if that person truely understands how you feel they should be able to suport you no matter what.

FALSE!!! if your not happy then how will that person be happy??? you have to be happy first before making anyone else happy PERIOD

[Tasuki_Civic]

Do what you think is right and whatever makes you happy.. But to break up with someone your with just so you can be happy... is somwhat selfish... but then if that person truely understands how you feel they should be able to suport you no matter what.

oxymoron

[WhiteAccord]

You guys arent getting it... what im trying to say is that.. Hes not happy but its not because of her..

[Ran]

what will make you happier? her or moving?

That's the million dollar question, isn't it? I don't know man. I love her and I do enjoy being with her, but I just feel like there's something else in life that I've gotta find. It's hard to explain.

Take her with you?

No. If I leave, then it's pretty much so I can disappear altogether.

I think it's important to follow your instinct on what seems right to you, do what YOU need to be happy.

That's true, but it's not an easy decision to make when you've got someone that depends on you. When I even just mentioned it last night she broke down. I can't even imagine what would happen if I actually told her we were through and it kills me to think about it.

Just do what you feel you need to do to get yourself in order and follow your heart. Later, QD.

Once I manage to get my mind and priorities in line, I'm going to try.

Hes not happy but its not because of her..

Exactly

[Sammich]

You guys arent getting it... what im trying to say is that.. Hes not happy but its not because of her..

im getting exactly what your saying, but point blank, if he's not happy, how is he gona make/keep her happy?

[quickdodge®]

You guys arent getting it... what im trying to say is that.. Hes not happy but its not because of her..

I did get that. I think it's you who does not get it. Regardless of what or who, him not being happy is still no reason to stay in a relationship with someone. It will, guaranteed, run over into the relationship if he's not happy. And the relationship will suffer. If he has this longing for that trip and the only reason he isn't going(he even admitted this) is because of her, then no matter how happy she makes him feel, he will resent her for being the reason he is not going. Maybe not because he wants to resent her, but this is just how human emotions work. Later, QD.

[Ran]

I did get that. I think it's you who does not get it. Regardless of what or who, him not being happy is still no reason to stay in a relationship with someone. It will, guaranteed, run over into the relationship if he's not happy. And the relationship will suffer. If he has this longing for that trip and the only reason he isn't going(he even admitted this) is because of her, then no matter how happy she makes him feel, he will resent her for being the reason he is not going. Maybe not because he wants to resent her, but this is just how human emotions work. Later, QD.

D@mn that hurt. It's true, but d@mn did it hurt to actually read it.

[quickdodge®]

D@mn that hurt. It's true, but d@mn did it hurt to actually read it.

I'm sorry, brother. The last thing I would want to do to a legit dude is hurt his feelings. Truth or not. Later, QD.

[Ran]

next question. is this what you are really feeling is missing in your life? is this what is keeping you from being really happy?

Honestly? Yes. I would love nothing more than to drop my apartment, my car, and everything else to be what I think is really free.

I'm sorry, brother. The last thing I would want to do to a legit dude is hurt his feelings. Truth or not. Later, QD.

No, truth is good and I appreciate it. I think accepting it is what makes it hurt. That's probably why I'm so hesistant to break up with her and do this. I know it'll hurt her and that's the last thing that I want to do.

[Firefightin_tC]

I did get that. I think it's you who does not get it. Regardless of what or who, him not being happy is still no reason to stay in a relationship with someone. It will, guaranteed, run over into the relationship if he's not happy. And the relationship will suffer. If he has this longing for that trip and the only reason he isn't going(he even admitted this) is because of her, then no matter how happy she makes him feel, he will resent her for being the reason he is not going. Maybe not because he wants to resent her, but this is just how human emotions work. Later, QD.

Preach, Brother QD! Preach that gospel!

[Sammich]

ran answer this..can she go w/ you overseas??

[Ran]

ran answer this..can she go w/ you overseas??

No. Simon asked the same thing. If I leave, then I'm going alone and disappearing. No family, no friends, no nothing. Just me.

[Sammich]

No. Simon asked the same thing. If I leave, then I'm going alone and disappearing. No family, no friends, no nothing. Just me.

next question. is this what you are really feeling is missing in your life? is this what is keeping you from being really happy?

[Leisa]

No. Simon asked the same thing. If I leave, then I'm going alone and disappearing. No family, no friends, no nothing. Just me.

Maybe you need to seek some counseling on this... what is gonna happen when you do drop everything and its not want you want either... then you will be stuck with absolutely nothing.

[Ran]

Ran, I completely disagree with everything that C22 said. Most of it, I think, was just posted to be posting. Later, QD.

Well, while he was a bit more direct with it than I would have preferred, he did make some good points. A majority of this is my problem and/or fault. It's my fault for not leaving last time when I had the chance and continuing to this point. It's also my fault for not having the fortitude to just say what I need to say to my girlfriend and do what needs to be done.

While C22 may not understand my reasoning or plans for wanting to leave, it doesn't hurt to have him criticize the plans to make sure I don't mess up even worse. Truth be told, I'm fairly certain that's how it will end up anyway, but at least I'll have lived and that's all I want.

Maybe you need to seek some counseling on this... what is gonna happen when you do drop everything and its not want you want either... then you will be stuck with absolutely nothing.

I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. I'm not doing counseling though. I'm well enough aware of how jacked up I am without having a counselor write it out for me. lol

[WhiteAccord]

Just do what you need to do... G/L

[Elbow]

"That's true, but it's not an easy decision to make when you've got someone that depends on you. When I even just mentioned it last night she broke down. I can't even imagine what would happen if I actually told her we were through and it kills me to think about it."

I understand. It would be a very hard thing to do, but like people have said, she probably can understand deep down, but it would be real hard and confusing for her more then likely. Tough situation.

[Sammich]

yea sometimes truth hurts, but its good to know the truth. the truth will help him make the correct decision

[Sammich]

well man..if thats what will make u happy without any question, then that is what you will need to accomplish. thats pretty much what it boils down to. love is strong, but like QD said, itll eventually trickle down into that relationship. YOU must be happy in order to make someone else happy.

[Ran]

Yeah, thanks a lot guys. I guess I just need a bit to actually get some guts and do it.

[quickdodge®]

actually get some guts and do it.

That's the hard part, dude. It really is. Later, QD.

[Sammich]

x2. i hope it works out for you man, real talk

[C22H19N3O4]

I'll be as nice as possible.

I'm just not happy with the way my life is going.

Your problem.

All I do is work, come home for a few hours, and go to sleep.

See previous comment.

Everyday it's the same thing. I spend my money on rent, car payments, insurance, and little sh*t here and there to keep me entertained.

Ditto.

Life is just so boring right now that I can't stand it.

Same...

I think that my girlfriend is the primary thing that's keeping me here in the US.

She is not putting a gun to your head.

All I see are excuses. Your only solution is to move to Japan? What makes you think you can survive overseas when you can barely make it here? You seem to have very few marketable skills.

I think you're lost and just don't know what to do with your life. We've all been there. Unfortunately, time is not on your side and people tend to slowly fall into depression when dealing with your type of issues. I hope you're not already at that point.

Are you any further along in life since your last post about moving to Japan? I'm going to say no. What does that REALLY say about you? Perhaps you're happy with your humdrum existence, but just can't come to grips with it? What are your ambitions? Do you want to flip Civic parts like the guys on IA and label yourself as a "hustla?"


I usually don't respond to threads like this, BUT you're half Korean so I'm inclined to post.


"An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea."
-Buddha


Don't take anything personally.

[BTLFED]

I'll be as nice as possible.



Your problem.




See previous comment.



Ditto.



Same...



She is not putting a gun to your head.

All I see are excuses. Your only solution is to move to Japan? What makes you think you can survive overseas when you can barely make it here? You seem to have very few marketable skills.

I think you're lost and just don't know what to do with your life. We've all been there. Unfortunately, time is not on your side and people tend to slowly fall into depression when dealing with your type of issues. I hope you're not already at that point.

Are you any further along in life since your last post about moving to Japan? I'm going to say no. What does that REALLY say about you? Perhaps you're happy with your humdrum existence, but just can't come to grips with it? What are your ambitions? Do you want to flip Civic parts like the guys on IA and label yourself as a "hustla?"


I usually don't respond to threads like this, BUT you're half Korean so I'm inclined to post.


"An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea."
-Buddha


Don't take anything personally.

This man speaks the truth.

[Ran]

All I see are excuses. Your only solution is to move to Japan? What makes you think you can survive overseas when you can barely make it here? You seem to have very few marketable skills.

Excuses? Maybe since I'm rather confused at the moment and a little fearful of whatever conclusion I may come to.

As for the trip, I'm not leaving to move. I'm leaving to travel for a while and may discover something about myself. You know, like some divine enlightenment or something of that nature. If I wind up relocating over there, then great. If not, then I'll come back after finding whatever it is I'm looking for and go from there. While I would be further along in life, I'm pretty sure I would feel much better as a person for following thru with what I wanted to do.

I think you're lost and just don't know what to do with your life. We've all been there. Unfortunately, time is not on your side and people tend to slowly fall into depression when dealing with your type of issues. I hope you're not already at that point.

I'm obviously very lost with life and I realize that. I've alose quarrelled with the depression and for the most part, am doing okay I think.

Are you any further along in life since your last post about moving to Japan? I'm going to say no. What does that REALLY say about you? Perhaps you're happy with your humdrum existence, but just can't come to grips with it? What are your ambitions? Do you want to flip Civic parts like the guys on IA and label yourself as a "hustla?"

Further along in life? Depends on what you mean. I'm further along in college, I have my own apartment now, and whatever else society considers to be "further along". Now am I futher along in discovering who I am and knowing what I want to do? Probably not, but like hell am I happy with a humdrum existence. I realize that my future is for me to make, I just have to get all the pieces of the puzzle and put it together. I think that disappearing for a while may help me find some of those harder to find pieces.

Don't take anything personally.

Not at all, I appreciate the analysis and advice. Overall, I'm pretty sure about what I want to do, I'm just having trouble getting things in order and doing it. But like you said before, it's my problem and nobody is going to make it happen but me, right?

As for the girlfriend, we're still talking it over and seems to be settling down and taking a better grasp at the situation. I'm pretty sure she understands the situation but is having a hard time coming to ends with it. As for planning for the trip, I'm applying for a second job now and am downgrading us from a two room to a one room apartment at the same complex. Also, my father is helping me by getting me some cheap beater to drive daily so that I can put the Yaris up for sale and start banking my VA check. Maybe I'll drop it by Ron's lot.

[Julio]

**** that **** man.. pick your balls up from the ground and keep on trucking...

[green91]

You really need to consider your motives for going there. Everyone has their dream escape, but unless you are wealthy you are going to be subject to the daily grind to make a living. Ive got a good job, but my days are somewhat monotaneous .. dreaming of an escape may seem like the best idea but in actuality its just hiding from yourself.

Reconsider your reasons for going. If youd like to tour Japan out of curiosity's sake than do it. But keep in mind its much more expensive and difficult to live over there, especially when youve got no friends / family to link up with there. At least here youve got a S.o. that cares about you and many friends. There you are alone.

The big thing is to do what you feel you need to do, but be honest with yourself.

["B"]

So I think me and the girlfriend may actually be splitting up soon. My fault too.

The thing is, I love my girlfriend and I do feel happy with her. Yet, at the same time, I'm just not happy with the way my life is going. All I do is work, come home for a few hours, and go to sleep. Everyday it's the same thing. I spend my money on rent, car payments, insurance, and little sh*t here and there to keep me entertained. That's really about it. Life is just so boring right now that I can't stand it.

Reflecting back, I constantly look back at when I was almost set to leave for my trip. God I wanted to leave and now I'm feeling that same way again. Much like then, I think that my girlfriend is the primary thing that's keeping me here in the US. On one hand, I want to stay here with her but, on the other, I want to drop everything and finally leave on this trip.

I'm really torn and I'm not sure if I can be content here or not anymore. Anyone got any words of wisdom or advice? Sorry for the emo-ish spill.

I can give you the number of my ex girlfriend/fiance. She is certainly not boring.

[bware113]

^^LOL

[Lizbiz101]

Ok, live your life for you. You need to do what you need to do to make yourself happy cuz no one else can make you happy but yourself. If you want to go on your trip, GO, she should be happy that you are going to get away and feel better about yourself and she should be waiting for you when you get back. There's not really any need to break it off unless she is making you stay. She might get a bit jealous that your not taking her with you, but that's just a female thing, we get over it. Hope it all turns out right.

[Hulud]

go get some random ass

seriously

[{X}Echo419]

there IS someone else for you that's almost a guarntee. 6 BILLION people, damn that's good odds!

G/L bro.

[quickdodge®]

Ran, I completely disagree with everything that C22 said. Most of it, I think, was just posted to be posting. Later, QD.

[C22H19N3O4]

Most of it, I think, was just posted to be posting. Later, QD.

Wrong.


Ran,

We all have to be honest at this point. If you were 18 years old I would find your situation cute and shrug it off to life. Do you really want to be 25 or 35 asking these same questions? I'd hate to see you throw your life away. I've seen it happen to a lot of smart people.

at least I'll have lived it and that's all I want.

That's my point. You're not really living it now are ya? Talkin ain't livin.


Again, don't take anything personally. Reality can be a slap in the face.



**NOTE - I ended a long-term relationship to accomplish my goals. Years later we still talk several times a week, and laugh about the fun we had.