I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T!!!!!!

[SLOWLYbtngU]

We have all heard Webbie's song giving acclaim to the independent women that live their lives for them and everything else is like an "extra"...Well, I was going to blog, but I really do want feedback on this subject... bare with me if it a little long.

I was asked today if I feel that the Women's movement hindered relationships in todays day and age and while my inner feminist wanted to say "HELL NO!" I think it has.

I mean I started to think of the things that screw me over in a relationship and I have noticed that all the guys I date say the same thing that I am too prideful (because I pay for my own things when we go out.) My thing is that I do not want any man to feel that they HAVE to provide for me. I can do that by myself. All I ask for is the affection and loving care that comes along with the whole "couple" thing. I understand that for some men, the paying when we go out, is a part of the "loving care," but all I ask is for a guy to be there for me. Sure a friend can be there but the intimacy that comes with being WITH someone cannot be compared to friendship where certain lines don't (or shouldn't) get crossed.

But then!!! There are the guys that expect me to pay when we go out b/c I make more than them. They feel that they are entitled to it since I am the one that makes more...

Honestly, I am utterly confused. My friend says that he thinks that the Women's Movement did a lot less for women than it did for men. He said that basically it created more responsibility for women and has caused some men to be more lax in the responsibility area..I just want some opinions.

Men: Do you prefer a more submissive woman? Are you turned off by a strong headed woman that does what she needs to do to get ahead in life(not sexually)???

Women: Am I the only one that goes through this???

[BABY J]

OH YUMMY! Haven't seen a good topic in a while.... stay-tuned, let me conjure up some science.

J'son

[Scrilla]

We have all heard Webbie's song giving acclaim to the independent women that live their lives for them and everything else is like an "extra"...Well, I was going to blog, but I really do want feedback on this subject... bare with me if it a little long.

I was asked today if I feel that the Women's movement hindered relationships in todays day and age and while my inner feminist wanted to say "HELL NO!" I think it has.

I mean I started to think of the things that screw me over in a relationship and I have noticed that all the guys I date say the same thing that I am too prideful (because I pay for my own things when we go out.) My thing is that I do not want any man to feel that they HAVE to provide for me. I can do that by myself. All I ask for is the affection and loving care that comes along with the whole "couple" thing. I understand that for some men, the paying when we go out, is a part of the "loving care," but all I ask is for a guy to be there for me. Sure a friend can be there but the intimacy that comes with being WITH someone cannot be compared to friendship where certain lines don't (or shouldn't) get crossed.

But then!!! There are the guys that expect me to pay when we go out b/c I make more than them. They feel that they are entitled to it since I am the one that makes more...

Honestly, I am utterly confused. My friend says that he thinks that the Women's Movement did a lot less for women than it did for men. He said that basically it created more responsibility for women and has caused some men to be more lax in the responsibility area..I just want some opinions.

Men: Do you prefer a more submissive woman? Are you turned off by a strong headed woman that does what she needs to do to get ahead in life(not sexually)???

Women: Am I the only one that goes through this???

[SLOWLYbtngU]

Aww. Mario, you have heard my horror stories and know exactly who I am talking about... I just dont know what I am supposed to act like. Like do I just stay quiet and not state my opinion even if I have one? I mean I just dont know wtf to do...

[Julio]

If a man lets you pay for your **** when out on a date.. he is 100% lame.. I dont give a ****..


That should tell you right there... LAST DATE.. aparently you are messing with the wrong crouwd.

[SLOWLYbtngU]

So if he isn't man enough to stand up to me saying no, then I shouldn't waste my time?

I don't think that I have acquired the ability to just say yes to a guy paying without putting up a fight.

I mean the last guy that meant anything to me, insisted on paying and there was no telling him no. I appreciated it, I really did. But I couldn't keep him for sh*t in this world b/c he said that I spent too much time trying to prove myself...Whatever that means.

[Julio]

So if he isn't man enough to stand up to me saying no, then I shouldn't waste my time?

I don't think that I have acquired the ability to just say yes to a guy paying without putting up a fight.

I mean the last guy that meant anything to me, insisted on paying and there was no telling him no. I appreciated it, I really did. But I couldn't keep him for sh*t in this world b/c he said that I spent too much time trying to prove myself...Whatever that means.

Beleive me, If a man wants to pay for you.. he will.. YOU CANT STOP HIM.. ( unless you bodyslam him to the ground)

I wouldn't waste my time..

That guy that said that.. really didnt want to be with you.. ..

Some guys are seriously scared of independent woman no a days.. to me, independent woman means more sexually frustrated woman out in the world.. due to not having enough time to get some good loving.. So when ever Im out and meet a girl as soon as they say "Im an independent woman".. I think "jackPot"

95% of the time they are not looking to settle down.. but just some serious pipe action...

[Batlground]

LOL @ Julio and the use of "serious pipe action"

My girlfriend is pretty independant. We split stuff all the time, but i also know how to take her out an treat her. First month we dated i never let her pay.

Im all about an independent woman that doesnt need me to baby her. I like a girl that isnt needy and whiny. My girl works full time and goes to school. She takes care of herself but we provide for each other at the same time.

Its a balance really.

My best advice is this:
Make yourself happy, thats the only way you can be happy with someone else.

Sounds selfish but its true. If you are going into a date or relationship trying to prove your independent your bringing alot of angst into the mix. You shouldnt have to prove yourself, it should just be known.

my .02

[AyeJaye]

wow. i was just talkin to someone about this lol. stay tuned..i type it up l8ter

[SLOWLYbtngU]

Beleive me, If a man wants to pay for you.. he will.. YOU CANT STOP HIM.. ( unless you bodyslam him to the ground)

I wouldn't waste my time..

That guy that said that.. really didnt want to be with you.. ..

Some guys are seriously scared of independent woman no a days.. to me, independent woman means more sexually frustrated woman out in the world.. due to not having enough time to get some good loving.. So when ever Im out and meet a girl as soon as they say "Im an independent woman".. I think "jackPot"

95% of the time they are not looking to settle down.. but just some serious pipe action...

See that is the problem... I meet guys and I dont say that I am independent, you can either tell or not..either way, I am very dominant, and tend to do whatever is in my means to get what I want. The only area of my life that I keep getting screwed over in time and time again...is in the relationship capacity.

And yes, you're right. Being independent means that at times I cant help but to think that some men can offer me nothing more than sex. Am I wrong? No, I don't think so...but then when I find a guy that I am serious about and he finds out about the fact that I have used men for sex, they cant deal with that...

[Batlground]

And julio is right, no matter how much more you make then someone else, the man should pay IMO

but maybe we old fashioned

[SLOWLYbtngU]

LOL @ Julio and the use of "serious pipe action"

My girlfriend is pretty independant. We split stuff all the time, but i also know how to take her out an treat her. First month we dated i never let her pay.

Im all about an independent woman that doesnt need me to baby her. I like a girl that isnt needy and whiny. My girl works full time and goes to school. She takes care of herself but we provide for each other at the same time.

Its a balance really.

My best advice is this:
Make yourself happy, thats the only way you can be happy with someone else.

Sounds selfish but its true. If you are going into a date or relationship trying to prove your independent your bringing alot of angst into the mix. You shouldnt have to prove yourself, it should just be known.

my .02

I totally agree with you. I dont think it should matter, but as of late I have had the guy that tells me that he brings nothing to the table because he makes less than me, then I have had the guy that feels like I try too hard to prove I can fend for myself, and even when I find someone that may accept me as I am...They have issues with me being the only female member of a squad and refuse to "ride b*tch" to me if I were to ever take them to a meet.

I cant win

[Julio]

See that is the problem... I meet guys and I dont say that I am independent, you can either tell or not..either way, I am very dominant, and tend to do whatever is in my means to get what I want. The only area of my life that I keep getting screwed over in time and time again...is in the relationship capacity.

And yes, you're right. Being independent means that at times I cant help but to think that some men can offer me nothing more than sex. Am I wrong? No, I don't think so...but then when I find a guy that I am serious about and he finds out about the fact that I have used men for sex, they cant deal with that...

Not to put you on front street.. I know/heard of a couple of cats you messed with...
all I can say is LOL.. straight up little kids.


YOU NEED A ****ING MAN!!! A real man, knows how to handle females at all times.. with no "but,why,who,what,yes,maybe" lame ass excuses..

A real man can break your ***** and turn around and wash dishes with no problems..

[amberghini]

I honestly don't know what to tell you.

My boyfriend pays for 95% of the stuff, because you don't make crap working where I do. But, I do pick up the bill every now and then, or offer to pay something, and he finds it a nice gesture.

I figured most guys would love it if they had a girl who could pay for sh*t. I love it that I have a boyfriend who is willing to buy me food whenever I "demand" it. So, I don't know why the opposite wouldn't work out.

I take that back. My ex-******* didn't pay for ****. I just recalled that out of some repressed memories. He made me pay for a good 85% of the stuff. That pissed me off. Not because he made me pay, but I felt he was leeching (sp?) off of me.

I guess my advice is to find a guy who will let you pay for stuff, or get the waiter to bring the bill while he's in the bathroom.

[SLOWLYbtngU]

And julio is right, no matter how much more you make then someone else, the man should pay IMO

but maybe we old fashioned

Nothing wrong with that...Like I said. The last guy that meant anything to me...He wouldn't hear anything about me paying. It's funny how you don't realize how good something is until it's gone...

[Batlground]

It seems like you are messing with immature men. Elevate your game y0!

[SLOWLYbtngU]

Not to put you on front street.. I know/heard of a couple of cats you messed with...
all I can say is LOL.. straight up little kids.


YOU NEED A ****ING MAN!!! A real man, knows how to handle females at all times.. with no "but,why,who,what,yes,maybe" lame ass excuses..

A real man can break your ***** and turn around and wash dishes with no problems..

It's cool, I mean hell, I have told you about some of the guys that I have dated...

So lemme get this right, you think that if I were to find that right MAN, then my independence wouldn't come into play? I would just somehow balance out and quit thinking about it? I mean I think you may be right.

God, my life sounds like Sex in the City...

[Scrilla]

If a man lets you pay for your **** when out on a date.. he is 100% lame.. I dont give a ****..


That should tell you right there... LAST DATE.. aparently you are messing with the wrong crouwd.

[Julio]

It's cool, I mean hell, I have told you about some of the guys that I have dated...

So lemme get this right, you think that if I were to find that right MAN, then my independence wouldn't come into play? I would just somehow balance out and quit thinking about it? I mean I think you may be right.

God, my life sounds like Sex in the City...

At 1st.. when you 1st start dating a guy.. forget about your independence.... let the dude do the work.
Now, if the relationship works out and you guys become BF and GF then yes.. at the point the new BF will know you are really independent once he gets to know you better and it will/could be great.... when is time to move out.. both of you guys can buy stuff togther..go on trips together etc.. at the point it could actually be a real cool relationship...
But that doesnt garantee happiness.. just make things a little easier....

[SLOWLYbtngU]

It seems like you are messing with immature men. Elevate your game y0!

Lol, maybe that is what it is...I am just dating the wrong people. I don't know. Maybe you're right. All I need to worry about is making myself happy. That is awesome that you are with an independent woman, but I am sure that you are well aware that you do bring something to the table. I hate when men feel like they have nothing to offer and they question why I am with them. It is such a turn off. Like I just feel like screaming at them and telling them to man up..but then again that would shoot their self-esteem to sh*t....again.

[AyeJaye]

hmm julio and batleground jus summed up what i was going to say lol.

[SLOWLYbtngU]

At 1st.. when you 1st start dating a guy.. forget about your independence.... let the dude do the work.
Now, if the relationship works out and you guys become BF and GF then yes.. at the point the new BF will know you are really independent once he gets to know you better and it will/could be great.... when is time to move out.. both of you guys can buy stuff togther..go on trips together etc.. at the point it could actually be a real cool relationship...
But that doesnt garantee happiness.. just make things a little easier....

Thx! I swear I dont try to purposely throw out there that I can fend for myself...I just don't want to feel like I owe him anything at the end of the date.


I still cant believe you said the whole pipe thing...God...

[SLOWLYbtngU]

hmm julio and batleground jus summed up what i was going to say lol.

Say it anyways...Maybe it will embed itself in my brain...lol

[Scrilla]

I See It As A 50/50 Things, Yes, Julio Made The Exact Point I Was Going To Make, At First, The Man Will Take Care Of Everything No Matter What....


Then After The Relationship Matures, Things Do Change... I Guess Its How Folks Are Raised... Me And Julio Seem To Have The Same Opinion On This One...

[Batlground]

i own a 46in TV, she knows what i brng to the table LOL

[tippatone]

If a man lets you pay for your **** when out on a date.. he is 100% lame.. I dont give a ****..


That should tell you right there... LAST DATE.. aparently you are messing with the wrong crouwd.

This is true in the courtship stage of the relationship, but after you get coupled up, it should be a two way street, he has it sometimes and she got it sometimes, its not fair for either person to pay all the time, as for the original poster of the thread, you should give different type of dudes a shot, IDK but i think you mess with square dudes, you can shoot me if i am wrong.

[Scrilla]

I Personally Think Its A Mans Way Of Showing That He Can Take Care Of Things And You, Then After Time, Its Good For The Woman To Show Appreciation...

[Scrilla]

i own a 46in TV, she knows what i brng to the table LOL

62" Plasma, Sorry Buddy...

[SLOWLYbtngU]

I honestly don't know what to tell you.

My boyfriend pays for 95% of the stuff, because you don't make crap working where I do. But, I do pick up the bill every now and then, or offer to pay something, and he finds it a nice gesture.

I figured most guys would love it if they had a girl who could pay for sh*t. I love it that I have a boyfriend who is willing to buy me food whenever I "demand" it. So, I don't know why the opposite wouldn't work out.

I take that back. My ex-******* didn't pay for ****. I just recalled that out of some repressed memories. He made me pay for a good 85% of the stuff. That pissed me off. Not because he made me pay, but I felt he was leeching (sp?) off of me.

I guess my advice is to find a guy who will let you pay for stuff, or get the waiter to bring the bill while he's in the bathroom.

See that is the thing, the whole dating thing is new to me. I was always in a relationship and never had to worry about anything. We were always 50/50 or every once and a while we would pay for each other..but once again, never an issue.

Well when that ended, I felt like I depended on him waaaay too much and told myself that I would never put that much dependence on anybody Iwas dating or seeing.

I went through my "hoe phase" where all I did was have sex and that is it, no emotional attachments were needed or wanted. In fact they were kinda annoying when they happened. That got old. I started dating seriously trying to find someone compatible to me and I have yet to find it. The reason seems to come up being the same all the time... Either I am too proud or they feel like they have nothing to offer...

[Scrilla]

See that is the thing, the whole dating thing is new to me. I was always in a relationship and never had to worry about anything. We were always 50/50 or every once and a while we would pay for each other..but once again, never an issue.

Well when that ended, I felt like I depended on him waaaay too much and told myself that I would never put that much dependence on anybody Iwas dating or seeing.

I went through my "hoe phase" where all I did was have sex and that is it, no emotional attachments were needed or wanted. In fact they were kinda annoying when they happened. That got old. I started dating seriously trying to find someone compatible to me and I have yet to find it. The reason seems to come up being the same all the time... Either I am too proud or they feel like they have nothing to offer...

Seems Like A Dead End Street...

[SLOWLYbtngU]

I See It As A 50/50 Things, Yes, Julio Made The Exact Point I Was Going To Make, At First, The Man Will Take Care Of Everything No Matter What....


Then After The Relationship Matures, Things Do Change... I Guess Its How Folks Are Raised... Me And Julio Seem To Have The Same Opinion On This One...

I know babe, and you have told me a thousand times when you see something wrong with the guys I date. You have called all of them out on their sh*t too... I just seem to only learn the hard way.

This is true in the courtship stage of the relationship, but after you get coupled up, it should be a two way street, he has it sometimes and she got it sometimes, its not fair for either person to pay all the time, as for the original poster of the thread, you should give different type of dudes a shot, IDK but i think you mess with square dudes, you can shoot me if i am wrong.

Nah dude, seriously..I have dated it all. The jobless guy, the corporate guy, the customer service guy, the McDonald's guy... All of them...

[SLOWLYbtngU]

Seems Like A Dead End Street...

That is how I am feeling. I cant win. I mean I am not going to lie, this is by far the happiest I have ever been...This point in my life right now... All I have is me and while yes I have the support of my friends and family it feels soooo good to be able to support myself and know that when everyone else fails me, I have yet to give up on myself, but damn some kind of companionship would be awesome!

[SLOWLYbtngU]

i own a 46in TV, she knows what i brng to the table LOL

I just saw this sh*t..lol. Hell nah...lmao

[Scrilla]

I know babe, and you have told me a thousand times when you see something wrong with the guys I date. You have called all of them out on their sh*t too... I just seem to only learn the hard way.




Nah dude, seriously..I have dated it all. The jobless guy, the corporate guy, the customer service guy, the McDonald's guy... All of them...

Seems Like Your Walking Into Walmart Looking For Louis Vuitton, Its Just Not Going To Happen... You Need To Shop In A Completely New Market...


You Say You're Happy, Enjoy It. I Know Youve Been Through Tons Of Shiet, Just Ride It Out... Youll See That Itll All Work Itself Out In The End. Seems Like Your Forcing Love And I Guess That Too Can Scare These Lame-Os Off...

Just Keep Doing What Youre Doing And Keep It Pimpin...

[Scrilla]

Seems Like Your Walking Into Walmart Looking For Louis Vuitton, Its Just Not Going To Happen... You Need To Shop In A Completely New Market...


You Say You're Happy, Enjoy It. I Know Youve Been Through Tons Of Shiet, Just Ride It Out... Youll See That Itll All Work Itself Out In The End. Seems Like Your Forcing Love And I Guess That Too Can Scare These Lame-Os Off...

Just Keep Doing What Youre Doing And Keep It Pimpin...

Unless I Run Into You There Again!

[SLOWLYbtngU]

Unless I Run Into You There Again!

I know right..In my pj's buying cat food..lol GOD!!!

[Scrilla]

I know right..In my pj's buying cat food..lol GOD!!!

The HAWTNESS.... :idb:

[tippatone]

I wish i had the answer for you, if i did i would apply it to myself, i guess you just got to keep it moving and hope something good comes your way........ or become one of these bitter carpet-munching lesbians......j/k

[SLOWLYbtngU]

I wish i had the answer for you, if i did i would apply it to myself, i guess you just got to keep it moving and hope something good comes your way........ or become one of these bitter carpet-munching lesbians......j/k

Contemplated it...But I couldnt do it...

My friends think I am gay already b/c I go to the strip club with my friends and enjoy the female body. So umm yeah....The guys I date have an issue with that too...lol

[AyeJaye]

interesting lolz