Baby?? No daddy...

[SLOWLYbtngU]

OK, so I want to have a child and have considered all of my alternatives for pregnancy, and even though I want a child... I dont want to deal with a father. I know that sounds odd but I am not sure how to explain it to people. I am fully capable of having and taking care of a child by myself but cant bring myself to do artificial insemination(sp?) but at the same time I feel odd explaining to a guy that I am trying to get pregnant and dont really need him in the picture. If he wants to be there that is fine...But I just dont want any drama when it comes to the raising of the child.

What are your opinions? I am just kinda wondering what everyone else thinks.

[The BUCKY]

i am fertile. i know from experience


















i have a feeling that will be most popular answer on here

[SLOWLYbtngU]

i am fertile. i know from experience



i have a feeling that will be most popular answer on here

I figured that I would get that too... Partially why I posted it here instead of the WL.

[efman]

OK, so I want to have a child and have considered all of my alternatives for pregnancy, and even though I want a child... I dont want to deal with a father. I know that sounds odd but I am not sure how to explain it to people. I am fully capable of having and taking care of a child by myself but cant bring myself to do artificial insemination(sp?) but at the same time I feel odd explaining to a guy that I am trying to get pregnant and dont really need him in the picture. If he wants to be there that is fine...But I just dont want any drama when it comes to the raising of the child.

What are your opinions? I am just kinda wondering what everyone else thinks.

i think that the child is much better with two parents, a kid needs a father and a mother in the picture to mature properly, i dont think it would be fair to the kid (especially if its a boy) to not give it a chance to have a father. thats what i think

[quickdodge®]

I'm with efman. I think it would be a very selfish and wrong decision to do what you are wanting to do. I posted, just the other day about the causes and effects on one parent child raising. I think you'd be doing the child a disservice. Later, QD.

[Bballjamal]

That would be a hard decision for most men! A lot would think, sweet, I can have sex with her and have no worries of anything, but at the same time, it'd be their child too, and they'd have that attachment! I don't know if I could handle that! I want to see and spend crazy amounts of time with my son (what im shooting for)!

[Clegger]

Go sleep with a homeless guy you selfish bitch. Oh yea and btw your every poor ghetto black guys dream. You should have posted this in the Idontneednobabysdaddy.com/forums

[Bballjamal]

And I agree with EfMan and QD also!

[Bballjamal]

Go sleep with a homeless guy you selfish bitch. Oh yea and btw your every poor ghetto black guys dream. You should have posted this in the Idontneednobabysdaddy.com/forums

And that statement was dumb as fuck.................

[quickdodge®]

Here is what I posted in another thread:

Marriage has been shown to provide a safe haven and good moral upbringing for children. Children brought up in a married home are less likely to be brought up poor, uncivilized and irresponsible.

Later, QD.

[william_jeff]

Go sleep with a homeless guy you selfish bitch. Oh yea and btw your every poor ghetto black guys dream. You should have posted this in the Idontneednobabysdaddy.com/forums

reps

[Bruce Leroy]

Bad Idea. NO matter how capable you are of raising a child by yourself, Its better for the child to have both parents in their life. NO matter what anyone says, having one parent is not the same as having 2.

[Clegger]

oh geeze i forgot how easily people are offended on this site

truthfully slowlybtngu you should look at adopting, and what is your reason about not liking artificial insemination??

[efman]

Here is what I posted in another thread:



Later, QD.

thats a good quote qd, reps to you !

[SLOWLYbtngU]

To the all of the men (Clegger this does not include you) that responded honestly and genuinely, thank you. I was really wanting a male perspective. Considering that most of the comments that I received previously were biased b/c they came from my friends. I needed other points of view (except for you Clegger.)

Go sleep with a homeless guy you selfish bitch. Oh yea and btw your every poor ghetto black guys dream. You should have posted this in the Idontneednobabysdaddy.com/forums

Listen love, you can call me a selfish bitch all you want but in all honesty it must have been your mother that was a selfish bitch when it came to showing you how you speak to a lady. If you thought that your response was going to be met with kudos and cheers you are a worthless piece of shit that thrives on the attention you receive on the interwebs. OoOoOo..."Look at me, I came up with a good come back to some random bitch in a thread I didnt have to come into with my ignorance." I am glad that you came into it and posted. You showed your ignorance and how you were a waste of sperm and egg for your parents. Your mom should have swallowed you. At least then you would have come out as what you were destined to be...Shit.

[SLOWLYbtngU]

Thank you again to the responses. QD yours does mean the most to me because I have read your other stuff previously talking about your kids and their achievements. Now at the same time, do you think that it is possible to have two people come together and raise a child even though they have no relationship (other than friendship) amongst themselves?

[Clegger]

Listen love, you can call me a selfish bitch all you want but in all honesty it must have been your mother that was a selfish bitch when it came to showing you how you speak to a lady. If you thought that your response was going to be met with kudos and cheers you are a worthless piece of shit that thrives on the attention you receive on the interwebs. OoOoOo..."Look at me, I came up with a good come back to some random bitch in a thread I didnt have to come into with my ignorance." I am glad that you came into it and posted. You showed your ignorance and how you were a waste of sperm and egg for your parents. Your mom should have swallowed you. At least then you would have come out as what you were destined to be...Shit.

No I did not come on here striving for attention I made that comment because sleeping with a homeless guy would probably be the best outcome for what you are looking for.

No guys out there are going to willingly get a woman pregnant if they cant be a part of it. I was actually shocked and outraged by your comment that it drove me to say what I had to say.

That someone can be so selfish to use another man just to produce a kid and then shut them out like they are nothing. Other people who posted think the same thing they just said nice words... I didn't. Get over it

And if you think taking a stab at my late mother (RIP May 20th 2007) is an appropriate thing in your book. You are just as ignorant

[Bballjamal]

wOOt, I love my real chicks on IA! I have no problem with you clegger, but that was just a dumb statement on a more serious topic of this site!

[quickdodge®]

QD yours does mean the most to me because I have read your other stuff previously talking about your kids and their achievements.

I appreciate that, but I don't want to take all the credit for saying the same thing that others have posted.

Now at the same time, do you think that it is possible to have two people come together and raise a child even though they have no relationship (other than friendship) amongst themselves?

If I were forced into a "YES/NO" answer, I'd go, 100%, no. I think a situation like that would be very stressful for all 3 parties involved. As far as the child is concerned, he/she is going to realize the living accommodations going on(Mother and Father sleeping separate beds). This will be an awkward arrangement for the child to go through. He/she will come to realize that this is not your normal family growing up. A woman's feelings change drastically during pregnancy and after child birth. A woman is going to want to raise a family as a complete whole. Father, Mother and child. It's easy to think and type this now in the initial stages of a future plan, but as time progresses, and you too, things may change. It's all a part of the "mothering instinct."

I think it would be very hard and stressful to have a man and woman living in the same house as friends raising their child. And, as stated above and although probably easier than living together, having the man and woman living apart while both raising their child can be just as hard. On the child.

Now what I said can not be applied to all situations. But I can guarantee you the greater majority of it can be. Later, QD.

[SLOWLYbtngU]

No I did not come on here striving for attention I made that comment because sleeping with a homeless guy would probably be the best outcome for what you are looking for.

No guys out there are going to willingly get a woman pregnant if they cant be a part of it. I was actually shocked and outraged by your comment that it drove me to say what I had to say.

That someone can be so selfish to use another man just to produce a kid and then shut them out like they are nothing. Other people who posted think the same thing they just said nice words... I didn't. Get over it

And if you think taking a stab at my late mother (RIP May 20th 2007) is an appropriate thing in your book. You are just as ignorant

I made my comment the same way you made yours...Out of my ignorance because I know as much about you as you know about me. You can be outraged and upset, but at the same time you should probably read thoroughly before responding. I asked for advice, not to be belittled. I wanted honesty and no bullshit, which you provided of so adaquetly. I took a stab at your mom the same way you took a stab at me without knowing me. Dont get your e-feelings hurt homey. If you start something you should be able to finish it. Dont be a pansy now. Take it like a man..Oh wait we established that you arent one. How about just get the fuck over it and get the fuck out???

[Killer]

OK, so I want to have a child and have considered all of my alternatives for pregnancy, and even though I want a child... I dont want to deal with a father. I know that sounds odd but I am not sure how to explain it to people. I am fully capable of having and taking care of a child by myself but cant bring myself to do artificial insemination(sp?) but at the same time I feel odd explaining to a guy that I am trying to get pregnant and dont really need him in the picture. If he wants to be there that is fine...But I just dont want any drama when it comes to the raising of the child.

What are your opinions? I am just kinda wondering what everyone else thinks.

i'm not even gonna bother reading the posts in this thread..

this is one of the most efed up things i've ever heard...
who are you to decide that your child doesn't need a father?!?!?!?!?

seriously one of the most retarded threads/ideas i've ever seen....

[quickdodge®]

i'm not even gonna bother reading the posts in this thread..

this is one of the most efed up things i've ever heard...
who are you to decide that your child doesn't need a father?!?!?!?!?

seriously one of the most retarded threads/ideas i've ever seen....

Wow. Judging another. How appropriate. Later, QD.

[SLOWLYbtngU]

I appreciate that, but I don't want to take all the credit for saying the same thing that others have posted.



If I were forced into a "YES/NO" answer, I'd go, 100%, no. I think a situation like that would be very stressful for all 3 parties involved. As far as the child is concerned, he/she is going to realize the living accommodations going on(Mother and Father sleeping separate beds). This will be an awkward arrangement for the child to go through. He/she will come to realize that this is not your normal family growing up. A woman's feelings change drastically during pregnancy and after child birth. A woman is going to want to raise a family as a complete whole. Father, Mother and child. It's easy to think and type this now in the initial stages of a future plan, but as time progresses, and you too, things may change. It's all a part of the "mothering instinct."

I think it would be very hard and stressful to have a man and woman living in the same house as friends raising their child. And, as stated above and although probably easier than living together, having the man and woman living apart while both raising their child can be just as hard. On the child.

Now what I said can not be applied to all situations. But I can guarantee you the greater majority of it can be. Later, QD.

Thanks man. I have thought this all out and while yes I have doubts and insecurities, I did need to hear other people's opinions. Considering that normally friends to tell me what I want to hear I needed to hear opinions of those outside my circle.

Thanks again...Oh and Killer...Maybe you should read the posts.

[Killer]

Wow. Judging another. How appropriate. Later, QD.

show me again where i judged anyone???


pretty sure i said retarded thread/idea.... not person....

[Killer]

Thanks again...Oh and Killer...Maybe you should read the posts.

why??? you're point is you want to raise a child and not deal with the father.... if there was more to it than that you would have posted it in the original thread, and explained yourself there...

i'm not saying you're a bad person.... at all.... you may have your reasons for not wanting a man around...

i just think it's an extremely stupid idea to purposely raise a child without a father.

[quickdodge®]

show me again where i judged anyone???


pretty sure i said retarded thread/idea.... not person....

Nevermind. I guess I should have made it easier to understand. Carry on. Later, QD.

[cornercarver78]

Why don't you look for a guy that you would like to spend your life with that you think would also be a good father? It's not out of the realm of possibilities. I'm not trying to sound sarcastic but it just sound like you've given up trying to find the right guy.

[Killer]

Nevermind. I guess I should have made it easier to understand. Carry on. Later, QD.

yeah... maybe....

[Killer]

Why don't you look for a guy that you would like to spend your life with that you think would also be a good father? It's not out of the realm of possibilities. I'm not trying to sound sarcastic but it just sound like you've given up trying to find the right guy.

^^^^^^^^^^ i agree with this guy....


why not look for a husband/soulmate/life partner whatever instead of some one to be give you a bastard child....

[SLOWLYbtngU]

why??? you're point is you want to raise a child and not deal with the father.... if there was more to it than that you would have posted it in the original thread, and explained yourself there...

i'm not saying you're a bad person.... at all.... you may have your reasons for not wanting a man around...

i just think it's an extremely stupid idea to purposely raise a child without a father.

I do not need the father in the picture but I did state in the original post that he is welcome to be a part of the child's life. It is more of a statement where I am making sure that it is noted I am not tryin to "trap" a guy into being with me. That is why I said you should read.

[quickdodge®]

^^^^^^^^^^ i agree with this guy....


why not look for a husband/soulmate/life partner whatever instead of some one to be give you a bastard child....

Why not try to post and give advice instead of being, ...well....your usual Christian acting self? I'm way worse/better than you are at providing witty, intelligent, well thought out, rep-receiving sarcastic posts than you and even I know how to be serious and post accordingly to a simple query. Later, QD.

[SLOWLYbtngU]

Why don't you look for a guy that you would like to spend your life with that you think would also be a good father? It's not out of the realm of possibilities. I'm not trying to sound sarcastic but it just sound like you've given up trying to find the right guy.

I havent given up on men, I have given up on "searching." I am fine right now, I have a great family, great friends, I dont really see the problem of being a single mother. I made this thread asking for advice because I am a little unorthodox in my thinking and figured that I could see what other people thought. I am not a man hater or anything of the sort...I am thinking about it and considering it, but wanted more opinions.. Wow and i think I repeated myself all throughout this thread. I am still young, I know that love is possible.

[william_jeff]

cornercarver makes a valid point also, it seems like the thought of meeting someone that you would like to spend the rest of your life with, you have cast off to the side. i believe that if you regain that 'feeling' that you can/will meet someone you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, you will wait for that person to have a child with.

IMO it's all about patience right now and whether you can wait to have your own child. Having children can be a wonderful thing for you, but it can be an even more wonderful for the child, to have both mother AND father in their life. I grew up without a father, not because my mother or I wanted to, but because of an untimely death. I grew up without a father since the age of 6 and i wish many days that i had a father that was there with me. Granted it was no ones fault in this situation, but you have the choice that you can make, to not forsake your child the opportunity and privilege, that you can control to have that father in their life.

[quickdodge®]

the man with 2 first names makes a good point. I know you may not want to spill all your life's thoughts and goals, but is marriage something you have already told yourself is out of the question? Honestly(if this is the case), I would only see this ringing true for one thing. You don't want to settle down with a man because you like the single, party lifestyle. Not a thing wrong that, but if you do like that and don't want to give it up, a child is NOT what you need to be thinking of. A child is going to need you to hang up those days.

But if you do see a chance of you getting married and raising a child, that's what you should wait on. Later, QD.

[Killer]

OK, so I want to have a child and have considered all of my alternatives for pregnancy, and even though I want a child... I dont want to deal with a father. I know that sounds odd but I am not sure how to explain it to people. I am fully capable of having and taking care of a child by myself but cant bring myself to do artificial insemination(sp?) but at the same time I feel odd explaining to a guy that I am trying to get pregnant and dont really need him in the picture. If he wants to be there that is fine...But I just dont want any drama when it comes to the raising of the child.

What are your opinions? I am just kinda wondering what everyone else thinks.

i do apologize for not seeing this remark.... i read over the post 3 times before i posted, and i missed it everytime...
honestly... my mistake.

Why not try to post and give advice instead of being, ...well....your usual Christian acting self?.

first off this has nothing to do with my religion, and has everything to do with how my mother tried to keep my sister and i from our father... and even used us to hurt our father. had him arrested for showing up to pick us up on the weekends (as he was supposed to be doing... she would call him and say "come get the kids, they're ready" and then tell the police a different story and have them waiting on him. my parents have been divorced longer than i can remember... (i was a baby.. not sure my age.. like no more than a year) and i know first hand what it's like to have to go without seeing my father... and missing that male role model for quite some time as a child.

I'm way worse/better than you are at providing witty, intelligent, well thought out, rep-receiving sarcastic posts than you and even I know how to be serious and post accordingly to a simple query. Later, QD.

you want a cookie?

[william_jeff]

QD is in hate mode and wishes he had my name lol

back no topic

[Killer]

cornercarver makes a valid point also, it seems like the thought of meeting someone that you would like to spend the rest of your life with, you have cast off to the side. i believe that if you regain that 'feeling' that you can/will meet someone you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, you will wait for that person to have a child with.

IMO it's all about patience right now and whether you can wait to have your own child. Having children can be a wonderful thing for you, but it can be an even more wonderful for the child, to have both mother AND father in their life. I grew up without a father, not because my mother or I wanted to, but because of an untimely death. I grew up without a father since the age of 6 and i wish many days that i had a father that was there with me. Granted it was no ones fault in this situation, but you have the choice that you can make, to not forsake your child the opportunity and privilege, that you can control to have that father in their life.

agreed

[SLOWLYbtngU]

^^^^^^^^^^ i agree with this guy....


why not look for a husband/soulmate/life partner whatever instead of some one to be give you a bastard child....

Why not? You do realize that marriage is not for everyone and at the same time a possibility for everyone, right? I am a little bothered by the fact that everyone seems to see a family as consisting of a father and a mother and yet we all know that single parenthood is prevalent in America. The same country founded on Christianity and yet we cant seem to keep marriages together...Hmm.

I am taking many opinions into consideration but do not tell me that a child cannot grow to be an amazing person without their father in the picture. IT happens all the time and at the same time it is something that is frowned upon in society. I love how some of these posts make it seem like I am cold-hearted and a bitch, yet I am the one asking for advice instead of just going out and doing as I please and calling the future father a "sucker" when I get what I want.

I know that I am going to be judged in life and that isnt a problem for me, but at the same time please look at yourself first. I have yet to act on anything that I am typing and yet I am being judged by Bible pushers that live their life fornicating and participating in things that Jesus wouldnt be too proud of...But it is ok... "Cast the first stone," right?? (and killer this isnt just for you.)

[josh green]

Honestly there are just some things that children need to learn or experience with its father. I mean, what guy doesnt remember looking up to your dad and wanting to be just like him when you were little. (That is assuming that your parents stayed together for quite some years.) Camping, fishing, cars, sports, and other things that are more important. None of which my father did with me or my brothers until we were 14yrs of age or so. I feel that I learned a lot of my life lessons from my father. Some things that my mom just couldnt do with us. I feel that a father figure is also a sign of discipline for a child, I know when I got in trouble it was my father that took care of business. I think PROPER discipline is a huge factor in a childs behavior, and I am a FIRM believer in spanking. There were plenty of time my ass got beaten, but my parents never beat my ass. I would say that a child needs a father figure AT LEAST until they are in their teens. Watching my little cousins grow up (ages 19 months, 2 and 4 all girls) they really need their father and have a different love for both parents.
If you dont mind me asking or have previously stated, what is the reasoning behind not wanting the father around?

I think this is on topic?...

P.S. I am not a very religious person and could not care about marriage.

[quickdodge®]

first off this has nothing to do with my religion, and has everything to do with how my mother tried to keep my sister and i from our father... and even used us to hurt our father. had him arrested for showing up to pick us up on the weekends (as he was supposed to be doing... she would call him and say "come get the kids, they're ready" and then tell the police a different story and have them waiting on him. my parents have been divorced longer than i can remember... (i was a baby.. not sure my age.. like no more than a year) and i know first hand what it's like to have to go without seeing my father... and missing that male role model for quite some time as a child.

You break my GODdamn heart. You thought you had it bad, huh? I wonder what it'd be like if my Father left my Mom, sister and I and got married to another woman. I wonder what it'd be like if my Father had two more children with that lady not a year later. I wonder what it'd be like if my Father then came back and got a divorce from my Mom. I wonder what it'd be like if my Father then went to court and willingly disowned my sister and I so that he wouldn't have to have anything to do with us. I wonder what it'd be like if after we moved on(here to GA-2100 miles) if my Father and his new family moved across country and ended up living 15 minutes from us until the day he died without never hearing a word since I was 1 year old. I wonder how that woul........oooops, my bad. I know exactly how that feels. So save your sob stories for someone who hasn't had it worse. Later, QD.