Attn: Automotive shop workers. Post dumb quotes from customers.
So, I think that all of us shop peeps have heard some good excuses on why the shop messed up their car. I thought it would be fun to post all of the lines you have heard for your customers.
I'll go first.
"My friend's car has the same exact set up but his is making more power."
Modified version:
"I saw a Honda in Modified with the same exact mods and it says that his car is making 600 whp! Why isn't mine?"
I have a million more that I will post after some of you go.
Ok OK, I'll go too. How about this one...
"My dad/brother/cousin/golden retriever is a mechanic, and put the car together for me, & they said that it just needed to be tooned, so why isn't it running right?"
That one sounds REALLY familiar!
OH that is a good one! I have another.Originally Posted by SleepingTalon
"I dropped the engine in, all it needs is to be wired up, and started."
Matt, you have some good ones too. Post 'em up.
Come on, George. I know you have heard some good ones at your old shop.
LOL this is going to be good
mine are a lil diff but i will throw out some stupid requests
Can you put an accord front end on my integra? Same as a type R right?
Can you spray candy paint over my stock 10yr old paint?
"NO"
Well can you reclear my 10yr old paint so its cheaper?
Can you do black housing headlights without taking them apart? i dont wan moisture!
"do i have to pay tax?"
Customer called me on THANKSGIVING and said "hey i want to order a header"
"OK"
"how do i pay"
"Paypal"
"will it ship today?"
this was at 7pm
Enterprise Data Resources- Ecommerce Project Manager
-www.usedbarcode.net
MOst of mine is ebay related.
Kid bought an item from me at 5ish on a SATURDAY. He did a paypal dispute on SUNDAY because i didnt ship it out yet. Less than 24 hours, and shipping stuff is closed on sunday.
Idiots
Enterprise Data Resources- Ecommerce Project Manager
-www.usedbarcode.net
LMFAO that happens to me all the time, one guy told me he made a dispute until the item arrived so I couldn't run...
Awwwwww I don't work in a shop but, maybe car insurance is close....
Me: "Can I get your VIN number?"
Them: "What is that I just want liability"
My boyfriend is better than you...
WOW I NEVER KNEW A THREAD COULD SUCK SO MUCH
BUY MY NEW BOOK! ITS CALLED, IF YOU LIKE IMPORTANTLANTA THERE'S A STRONG CHANCE YOU'RE A FAGGOT
i work at advance.
"now when i re-install my cylinder head, do i HAVE to use a head gasket or can i just use red silicone"
At one of my friends shop, I kid you not. Some kid ask to see if they could convert a B16 to a Rotory. My friend kindy show him the door.
"I was just cruising on the interstate, I wasn't even in boost......."
"The light never came on...."
"Is that noise bad??"
I know who said that one
2006 Evo IX - Bolt ons
Im not saying a word....I know who said that one
Customer calls me "my car is making a funny noise,do you know what it is?"
Jason..
Classic!!!!
"OK so when its 30 something degrees out and im only going down my driveway real slow in the morning only it makes a werid knock noise when i hit the street at a angle."
meanwhile it the middle of summer 80+ out.... WTF
The G Spot Hero
"Nitrous is like a hot girl with STDS, you know you want to hit it but your afraid of the consequences."
"I wasn't evn boosting hard"
"weird your boost controller says 29psi when we hit the recall button"
And that was on a honda on pump gas
Enterprise Data Resources- Ecommerce Project Manager
-www.usedbarcode.net
I wanna play
i work the front parts counter at a Dealer... heres a couple
him- I'M GETTING A CODE SAYING MY CAT IS INEFFICIENT
me- YOU PROBABLY NEED TO REPLACE THE CAT THEN SIR.
him- NO, ITS JUST INEFFICIENT, I WANNA DO A TUNE UP AND THAT SHOULD FIX IT. SO I NEED SPARK PLUGS WIRES, ROTOR, AND A DISTRIBUTOR CAP.
me- SIR YOUR CAR HAS INDIVIDUAL COIL PACKS, THEY ARE NOT A SCHEDULED MAINTENANCE ITEM AND DON'T EXPIRE LIKE TRANSMISSION FLUID OR SPARK PLUGS
him- OKAY, WELL I WANNA REPLACE THEM ANYWAY.
me- OKAY, THEY ARE 143 EACH.
him- OH. WELL NEVERMIND THEN
and...
asian man: I need Sensor
me: okay. what year and model car
asian man: its a 2005 Toyota
me: okay, what kind of Toyota
asian man: Yes
me:what?
asian man: yes, Sensor
me:Okay, but what kind of Toyota
asian man: Oh, Camry
me: okay then *clicky clicky* 4cyl or v6?
asian man: 6
me: *clicky clicky* now what sensor do you need?
asian man: yes
me: No, i mean which sensor?
asian man: Oh, I dunno. Store tell me i need Oxygen sensor
me: Oh okay, did they tell you which one?
asian man: they say front
me: okay, bank 1 or 2?
asian man: no, just need sensor
me: Right, but is it Firewall or radiator side?
asian man: oh, firewall
me: *clicky clicky* okay that sensor is 250 and i carry it in stock
asian man: OMG why so expensive?
me: thats jut what Toyota prices it at?
asian man: oh okay well i need
me:k. *print invoice* & *goes to grab part*
asian man: *looks at invoice* this is wrong
me: what? why do you say that?
asian man: it say Air Fuel Ratio, i need O2 sensor.
me: that sensor is a air fuel on your car.
asian man: oh, so it will work?
me:yes
asian man: oh okay.... Oh!, I have shop. i get discount?
me: #$%^#$%^#$%
Mine really dosn't leave the garage. People across the street think it is a tool bench.
at first i thought "clicky clicky" was you being racist.. LOL.I wanna play
i work the front parts counter at a Dealer... heres a couple
him- I'M GETTING A CODE SAYING MY CAT IS INEFFICIENT
me- YOU PROBABLY NEED TO REPLACE THE CAT THEN SIR.
him- NO, ITS JUST INEFFICIENT, I WANNA DO A TUNE UP AND THAT SHOULD FIX IT. SO I NEED SPARK PLUGS WIRES, ROTOR, AND A DISTRIBUTOR CAP.
me- SIR YOUR CAR HAS INDIVIDUAL COIL PACKS, THEY ARE NOT A SCHEDULED MAINTENANCE ITEM AND DON'T EXPIRE LIKE TRANSMISSION FLUID OR SPARK PLUGS
him- OKAY, WELL I WANNA REPLACE THEM ANYWAY.
me- OKAY, THEY ARE 143 EACH.
him- OH. WELL NEVERMIND THEN
and...
asian man: I need Sensor
me: okay. what year and model car
asian man: its a 2005 Toyota
me: okay, what kind of Toyota
asian man: Yes
me:what?
asian man: yes, Sensor
me:Okay, but what kind of Toyota
asian man: Oh, Camry
me: okay then *clicky clicky* 4cyl or v6?
asian man: 6
me: *clicky clicky* now what sensor do you need?
asian man: yes
me: No, i mean which sensor?
asian man: Oh, I dunno. Store tell me i need Oxygen sensor
me: Oh okay, did they tell you which one?
asian man: they say front
me: okay, bank 1 or 2?
asian man: no, just need sensor
me: Right, but is it Firewall or radiator side?
asian man: oh, firewall
me: *clicky clicky* okay that sensor is 250 and i carry it in stock
asian man: OMG why so expensive?
me: thats jut what Toyota prices it at?
asian man: oh okay well i need
me:k. *print invoice* & *goes to grab part*
asian man: *looks at invoice* this is wrong
me: what? why do you say that?
asian man: it say Air Fuel Ratio, i need O2 sensor.
me: that sensor is a air fuel on your car.
asian man: oh, so it will work?
me:yes
asian man: oh okay.... Oh!, I have shop. i get discount?
me: #$%^#$%^#$%
LOL
Mine really dosn't leave the garage. People across the street think it is a tool bench.
So you quoted the whole damn thing? Fukin "Asians"
-Ant.
The Carbon Fibered R6
LollerjihadI wanna play
i work the front parts counter at a Dealer... heres a couple
him- I'M GETTING A CODE SAYING MY CAT IS INEFFICIENT
me- YOU PROBABLY NEED TO REPLACE THE CAT THEN SIR.
him- NO, ITS JUST INEFFICIENT, I WANNA DO A TUNE UP AND THAT SHOULD FIX IT. SO I NEED SPARK PLUGS WIRES, ROTOR, AND A DISTRIBUTOR CAP.
me- SIR YOUR CAR HAS INDIVIDUAL COIL PACKS, THEY ARE NOT A SCHEDULED MAINTENANCE ITEM AND DON'T EXPIRE LIKE TRANSMISSION FLUID OR SPARK PLUGS
him- OKAY, WELL I WANNA REPLACE THEM ANYWAY.
me- OKAY, THEY ARE 143 EACH.
him- OH. WELL NEVERMIND THEN
and...
asian man: I need Sensor
me: okay. what year and model car
asian man: its a 2005 Toyota
me: okay, what kind of Toyota
asian man: Yes
me:what?
asian man: yes, Sensor
me:Okay, but what kind of Toyota
asian man: Oh, Camry
me: okay then *clicky clicky* 4cyl or v6?
asian man: 6
me: *clicky clicky* now what sensor do you need?
asian man: yes
me: No, i mean which sensor?
asian man: Oh, I dunno. Store tell me i need Oxygen sensor
me: Oh okay, did they tell you which one?
asian man: they say front
me: okay, bank 1 or 2?
asian man: no, just need sensor
me: Right, but is it Firewall or radiator side?
asian man: oh, firewall
me: *clicky clicky* okay that sensor is 250 and i carry it in stock
asian man: OMG why so expensive?
me: thats jut what Toyota prices it at?
asian man: oh okay well i need
me:k. *print invoice* & *goes to grab part*
asian man: *looks at invoice* this is wrong
me: what? why do you say that?
asian man: it say Air Fuel Ratio, i need O2 sensor.
me: that sensor is a air fuel on your car.
asian man: oh, so it will work?
me:yes
asian man: oh okay.... Oh!, I have shop. i get discount?
me: #$%^#$%^#$%
We know you run with the money...LMFAO that happens to me all the time, one guy told me he made a dispute until the item arrived so I couldn't run...
j/k
Shits real out here. You betta keep a strap and learn somethin'.
I used to get that one all the time...
Customer: "Why is it so expensive?"
Me: "Well sir, that is the price point Land Rover sets for us."
Customer: "Oh....." [Insert awkward moment of silence as customer stares at invoice.]
Customer: I have a shop, do I get a discount?
Me: "Yes sir. We do offer a discount to shops; however, we will just need you to fill out a Tax ID form and provide us with the necessary information."
Customer: "My shop doesn't have a Tax ID #."
Me: "Without your tax information or business license, I cannot offer you a discount."
Customer:[Another long pause] "Do they sell these at Autozone?"
Me: "Good luck sir"
Another one:
"What weight coolant do I put in my Range Rover?"
Everyone dies, not everyone lives...
"Easy" is an adjective used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
lol oh so many...
The EMPIRE
Me: This wiring is not right, these are for your distributor, there should not be 6 wires to a knock sensor...
Them: No the hell its not all of those are for my knock sensor, i did it myself!! dont touch my car anymore...
Me: ok.
The EMPIRE
me: hi ma'am
her: hello, my car is doing the same thing as before
me: what is it doing?
her: same thing as before. John knows.
me: John wont be here today, whats the problem your having?
her: Same thing it was doing last time, John knows.
me: John will not be here today! What are the problems you are having??
her: it's just the same thing as you fixed before.
me: last thing we did was with your suspension, is this the problem your having?
her: yea, i guess. I check
me: you checked your air ride suspension compressor?
her: yea yea
me: how did you check it?
her: I popped the rear tailgate...
me: ma'am, the compressor is in your engine compartment...
and it goes on a little further cus she is stupid.
-Ant.
The Carbon Fibered R6
Seriously a customer came up to me and said my car makes a small noise at 50-52 miles an hour when its about 40 degree's.
Jason..
^we all get those.
"when I start my car up after a light shower and around 43-48º outside it hesitates and squeaks in the left rear"
"ma'am, its 80º outside right now...what do you want me to do?"
-Ant.
The Carbon Fibered R6
"Hi, I need to get my cat replaced"
"Ok, do you want a price quote or just want it done?"
"How much labor? I brought my own cat"
"what kind of car?"
"Nissan Maxima"
"Can I see your cats?"
....
....
....
...
"What the hell are these?"
"Catalytic Converters"
"From what kind of car?"
"'97 Caddy Deville"
"...lol...these are't going to work..."
goes on a bit more as to why it wont fit.
-Ant.
The Carbon Fibered R6
lady: my car started made some noise and turned off, now it wont start
me: have you had any work done to it?
lady: my son in law said it needed some water, so I added some this morning.
me: your coolant is empty where did you add water?
lady: right here ::points to the oil cap::
me: your motor is runied
lady: just keep changing the oil until the waters gone
me: it wont help, and will be a waste of money....
lady: just do it,I'll pay
5 oil changes later, the car will turn over but not start. And when she got her bill she was mad.
2007 Civic FA1 and 2005 Yukon XL Denali
Oh gees I could fill this thread up. My latest favorite:
Customer buys 2008 Rav4, 4cyl. Has some place install class 3 trailer hitch & harness. Customer is trying to tow a big ass pop-up camper and comes to us 3 times complaining about gas mileage while towing. Also complains the suspension is to soft to tow with lol.
this thread is awesome!
Got a MINI?Don't talk to me.
FUCK your FADS
Customer: I let my brother drive my car. and now it doesnt run right
Me: bring it in so I can look at it...
Customer: ok
they come....
Me: holy shit, this is blown up...
Customer: how do you know,
Me: well because its smoking from everywhere and running like shit..
Customer: Well is this my fault?
Me: Yes, you see what this boost controller feedback says,
Customer: 39psi
Me: exactly....
The EMPIRE
Me: Mainstream Performance
them: Hi I want to change my honda to carburator, and make 500whp
Me: Thats probably not going to happen.
I further go into detail of why this is a bad idea, and how its not a v8.
The EMPIRE
Us: Don't beat on your car, this is just a base map so you can break it in without boosting...
Them: OK
Car drives away, and you hear boosting like a mofo...
Comes back smoking like a chimney.
Us: wtf?
Them: The boost gauge only said 1 psi...
Us: Turn the car off...
Them: ok
Us: you see how the gauge is not on 0 its on 10 vacuum side?
Them: ya.
Us: well, that meens your gauge isnt working right, it should be at zero,and that you boosted somewhere around 11psi on it..
Them: oh....
The EMPIRE
lol i know who that was
Enterprise Data Resources- Ecommerce Project Manager
-www.usedbarcode.net
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