Things to not say to a cop

[Reaper]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas )
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought yo u had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says 'Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?' You probably shouldn't respond with,'Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?'
13. If the officer asks where you are headed? just say .To the police convention . wasnt you invited?
14. If he asks whats your hurry? Just reply. What makes you think im in a hurry. I was right on time till you pulled me over.
15. If you are drunk and get pulled over and the cop asks? Have you been drinking tonight? Just say. yea and i only have one left and im not sharing.

[On_Her_Face]

COP: I've been waiting to pull a punk like you all day
ME: I got here as fast as i could

[NAIZBST]

interesting...............

[R3RUN]

cop: HOW LOUD DOES THAT MUSIC GO!?!
me: Apparently pretty damn loud.

Haha, disturbing the peace, avoided the ticket.

[KidSaru]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas )
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought yo u had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says 'Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?' You probably shouldn't respond with,'Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?'
13. If the officer asks where you are headed? just say .To the police convention . wasnt you invited?
14. If he asks whats your hurry? Just reply. What makes you think im in a hurry. I was right on time till you pulled me over.
15. If you are drunk and get pulled over and the cop asks? Have you been drinking tonight? Just say. yea and i only have one left and im not sharing.

Hahah. Some of these are pretty good.

[ZeDFuNk]

I haven't seen these jokes since i was 11.

[matthewAPM]

Hahah. Some of these are pretty good.

from santa run...

cop: do you know how fast you were going?
me: no more than 70mph, it has a weird vibration after that
guy i passed: WHAT?! i was doing 50mph and you went past me like i was standing still
me: ...(oo ****)
cop: haha, good luck keeping your license, BTW where is ur tag?
me: umm, see officer, what had happen was...
cop: hahaha (walks away)

[ahmonrah]

~driver sitting on the side of the road, anxiously tapping on steering wheel, cop draggin ass in vehicle behind him~

"sigh....shyt!!"
~driver gets out, approaches squad car and taps on window~

"CAN YOU HURRY THE FVCK UP!!? I'M LATE FOR A DRUG DEAL!!!"

[autumnk5]

cop: (bangs on window) GET THE **** OUT OF THE CAR!

me: (get out of the car and walk to him.)

cop: DO YOU KNOW YOU WERE SPEEDING & YOU WERE ON THE LEFT SIDE BLOCKING ME FROM GETTING IN FRONT OF YOU?

me: okay, dumbass, i wouldn't have to go so fast if you weren't on my ****ing ass. and there is another lane of traffic, you could of easily gotten in that one.

COP: (grabs me & throws me into the back of the police car. i got a bruised knee from it)

me: (by myself in cop car) ****ing *****.

lol.... i didn't know it was a cop. evidently it was a narc. and it just looked like a regular car to me. so he was blinking his headlights. and he was riding me real bad. i thought that meant just to speed up, so i speed up to 80 in a 60. then he flashed his blue lights. and i'm like ohhhhh ****.

lucky me, i got out of everything i was charged with 4 accounts, 1 being a felony... my mom talked him into getting everything dropped.

[ahmonrah]

umm.........

[AnTi-PooN]

i was doin 75 in a 45 to beet some trffic before a turn( 4 lane road) and there was alot of trafffic. i was then sitting in stoped traffinc waiting to turn right. i look in my mirror and see a cop squeeze in right behind me. as soon as i turned i stayed in the turn lane a ways down instead of merging over and put on my flashers and stopped. after that he comes behinf me parks then hits his lights.

cop: i clocked you at 75, do you know what the speed limit is?
me: yes sir it's 45.
cop: slow down next time


pwnd

[ahmonrah]

[AnTi-PooN]

^^^ lol WTF is that thing

[ahmonrah]

^^^ lol WTF is that thing

[R3RUN]

cop: (bangs on window) GET THE **** OUT OF THE CAR!

me: (get out of the car and walk to him.)

cop: DO YOU KNOW YOU WERE SPEEDING & YOU WERE ON THE LEFT SIDE BLOCKING ME FROM GETTING IN FRONT OF YOU?

me: okay, dumbass, i wouldn't have to go so fast if you weren't on my ****ing ass. and there is another lane of traffic, you could of easily gotten in that one.

COP: (grabs me & throws me into the back of the police car. i got a bruised knee from it)

me: (by myself in cop car) ****ing *****.

lol.... i didn't know it was a cop. evidently it was a narc. and it just looked like a regular car to me. so he was blinking his headlights. and he was riding me real bad. i thought that meant just to speed up, so i speed up to 80 in a 60. then he flashed his blue lights. and i'm like ohhhhh ****.

lucky me, i got out of everything i was charged with 4 accounts, 1 being a felony... my mom talked him into getting everything dropped.

I call bull****.

[autumnk5]

really happened. have 4 witnesses in the car with me &&& the police station in newnan has a videotape of it. because they showed it to my mom.

[ahmonrah]

pics or it never happened

[autumnk5]

i don't have the videotape. but it happened january 16th or 17th of 2007 in newnan. i live in columbus and some friends and i got in the car and decided to drive to atlanta.

[Stormhammer]

-blasts past a cop doing 110+ and pulls over to wait for the cop-

Cop: Well well well, I'm surprised to find you here waiting for me.
Me: Yeah, well I figured I was caught. Plus you had a good hiding spot, if it wasn't for that wind I would have never seen you. Good job on finding it!
Cop: Really? I was on the other side of the road trying to nail those Honda's coming back from the dragstrip but they kept spotting me and slowing down before I could nail them, you're my first catch of the day!
Me: haha, just my luck
Cop: license and registration?
Me: -hands cop my debit card-
Cop: .... well you got two choices, give me your license or let me go on an online shopping spree with your debit card
Me: oh geez! -gives cop license-
Cop: -walks back to squad car laughing-


he wrote me doing 23 over in the end

[Halfwit]

yousef

[AnTi-PooN]

lol that sucks but atleast you're keeping your license

[R3RUN]

really happened. have 4 witnesses in the car with me &&& the police station in newnan has a videotape of it. because they showed it to my mom.

Won't believe it unless I see a video with 2 forms of government ID, your grandmother, a cop, and a judge. No one talks to a cop like that and gets away with it unless they are drunk or live in compton.

[autumnk5]

i did. i was underage. he didn't want to **** my life up. i was already on probation. and he kept the files on the record for one year. he said if i got in trouble within the next year that he would charge me. and i would be in jail for a long time. plus i wasn't who they wanted they were after some drug dealer.

[The Yousef]

yousef

ahahhahaa...

[JustinSane110™]

I have a few instances of what NOT to say to a cop, lol.


*cop walks up to the car*
Cop: "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Me: "About 35 or so"

Cop: "The speed limit on this road is 25"

Me: "You look kinda like Farva from Super Troopers..."

Yep, definitely got a ticket on that one...

=======================

This happened one day when I had the Escalade, I was driving on the highway going about 10-15 over and decided to reach out and touch the side of a semi I was passing, cop pops out from traffic about 3 cars back and throws the lights on.

cop: "I'm not really sure, but it looked like you reached out and touched the side of that truck..."

me: "Really? I was just stretching, elbow felt a little tight..." (While I still had dirt on my hand from the side of the semi)

*cop looks in to see a movie playing on the headrest monitors, and the in-dash*

cop: "Nice truck, have a nice day..."

=========================

Another time, same highway as the semi incident, Going about 97 in my Yukon, run right past a cop sitting there on the side of the road. catches up to me a little ways down the road.

Cop: "Where you going in such a hurry?"

Me: "Nowhere, just out driving..."

Cop: "I should write you a couple of tickets, but to be honest I really don't feel like doing the damn paperwork, slow it down next time!"

=========================

Got pulled over doing 94 on 400 in the Cobra.

*Cop walks up with the radar gun out*

Cop: "I got you going 94, and believe it or not, you're not my fastest one today..."

Me: "Really, who beat me?"

Cop: "A Ford pickup..."

Me: "Damn, I gotta try harder next time"

Cop: "Where are you heading in such a hurry?"

Me: "Actually sir, I was qualifying..."

Cop: "Qualifying?"

Me: "Yep, for the Atlanta 500..."

============================

When I wrecked the Cobra.

*Bigass overcompensating cop shows up to the scene after all the other cops have everything sorted out*

Cop: "Who was driving this car!?!"

Me: "Well, you see, I was driving it up until the point where the skidmarks start, then it drove itself to where you see it now..."

Cop: "Get over there and sit on the curb"

*cop walks over with handcuffs out, and I go in for wreckless driving*

Couple hours later at the Gwinnett Det. Center while I'm being checked and patted down by the cops.

Cop: "You dont have anything you're gonna stab me, shoot me, or blow me up with, do you??"

Me: "Not unless my ****in shorts are gonna explode..."

Cop: "We dont appreciate sarcasm here sir..."

[_Christian_]

12. When the Officer says 'Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?' You probably shouldn't respond with,'Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?'

..

[R3RUN]

#12 reminds me that I saw two cops cleaning their cars (tire shining mostly) in the parking lot of the donut place next to Summit on sunday. I lol'd.

[BuBBa DRiFT]

lmao

ive seen those cops there before there is a car wash right next door i go to

[Barefoot]

haha all funny

[DirtyMechanic]

#12 reminds me that I saw two cops cleaning their cars (tire shining mostly) in the parking lot of the donut place next to Summit on sunday. I lol'd.

are you sure it wasnt extra glaze from the donuts? lol glazing their tires... lol