Tasteless Joke Thread (If your easily offended GTFO)

[ALLMoToR]

There is a priest who is summoned by the archbishop. He had to leave for several days. So he looked for a priest to fill in for him in the confession box. He called every priest he knew. None were available. He finally called a Rabbi. The Rabbi said "I don't know, our religions are very different." The priest said "It's okay you line the sin up with the punishment on this chart." The rabbi gave in and decided to fill in. The next few days the rabbi listened to confessions and helped the people. The third day a man came in and said"Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi: How have you sinned?" Person: I had anal sex." The rabbi was stumped for that sin was not on the chart. So the rabbi asked the man to wait. The rabbi asked everyone what the punishment was for anal sex. Finally the altar boy walked in. The rabbi asked what does the father give you for anal sex? The altar boy replied "Usually two cookies and a glass of milk."

[ALLMoToR]

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," said the doctor, "you're pregnant."

"But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in our colony we practise sex only with our eyes."

"Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."

[ALLMoToR]

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says,
"See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a football!".

The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, "I want a football!" Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one. The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on his bike.

She holds up the football... "Nah Na Nah Nah".

The little boy angrily points to his bike and says,
"Oh yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you can't have one!"

She runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys bike.

The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to his most private of parts says,
"Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!!!".

The next day he walks by and says to her,
"Well, I guess I showed you!" to which she promptly pulls up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"

[ALLMoToR]

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS"

[ALLMoToR]

Little Johnny was taking a shower with his grandma.

He casually asked,"Grandma whats that?" She quickly replied, "That's my beaver". Little Johnny didnt say another word.

Two days later he was taking a shower with his mom. Little Johnny asked,"Mommy whats that?" She replied, "Well Johnny thats my beaver."

Little Johnny thought for a bit and said,"Well grandmas beaver must be dying her tongues hanging out!!"