Yeah its funny, for the last 2 years of her life she would always tell me what she wanted "If she was to pass" and she always talked about it as if it was around the age id be when she did. I think because she lost her brother 5 years ago (He was 30) and her sister died in just 6 months before Leisa did (She was 44) I think Leisa honestly didnt feel she would live a long life and 2 weeks before her stroke we were driving in the S2K and she started to quiz me, she said to me "Brett what do I want when I die to happen" and I had to tell her, I know she wanted to be cremated, keep her urn with me, I had to promise her some day Id find a way to move on, meet someone, and have the kids she couldnt give me... I told her to STFU when we talked about it because I just never wanted to face that some day, and I never thought her day would come at 41, maybe 81 ya know?

I mean, I know in my heart what she wanted, I guess its just hard to begin to open my heart so much again to someone so new, that ISNT Leisa. But I am happy again, she really makes me smile again, and has shown me I can love again.