Need constructive criticism

[quickdodge®]

[CENTER] He put the gun in his belt and slid the new roll of cellophane wrapped duct tape off his wrist and told her it was just to keep them out of the way, and proceeded to guide them into the kitchen.

He put the gun in his belt, slid the new roll of duct tape off his wrist, telling her that it was just to keep them out of the way, then proceeded to guide them into the kitchen.

This is how I see it....Too many unnecessary conjunctions, my friend. And the description of the duct tape makes it too wordy.

Now she was leaning against her mother’s heavy lifeless body.

Comma after heavy.

Nina was five years younger than Beth at six

Maybe put "Five years younger than Beth, Nina, 6, had remained crouched...."

The girls and their mother were supposed to go the park that day. Nina had just gotten a new bike and they planned a trip to test it out at the park.

I don't see the need to mention "the park" again (in the second sentence). Maybe end the second sentence with just "test it out" or "test it out there."

These are just my thoughts and opinions, you know. Other than that, you did quite a good improvement on it. Later, QD.