I will not reveal whom, but this is in response to a PM I just got......



Marriage is a big deal. It is NOT to be taken lightly. If you are in a committed relationship, there are certain steps (IMO) that may increase the chances for success. One of those steps is, and this is only AFTER you've been together for a long time already dating exclusively, living together for a little while just before getting married.

Notice there are some hidden caveats in there. The first being that living together should come ONLY after you've been dating for an extended amount of time. IMO that means like YEARS, not months. The second is that you are in a monogamous and exclusive dating situation. Finally, you should really limit your living together to certain finite amount of time BEFORE you get married. In other words, living together for 10 yrs, buying houses together, having children together, YET NOT taking the final step is ridiculous to me.

But if you are together with your mate for say......3 years , and then you start discussing marriage for some point in the near future and you are both ready to possibly move-in together IN CONTEMPLATION OF getting married in that near future.....well, that actually makes sense. It's not like doing a "trial run" or a "test drive" at all. It is in preparation for a marriage in an upcoming date. I personally feel that you should really have atleast a target date for getting married discussed before you decide to co-habitate.

Living together brings out things, both positive and negative, that you certainly can not see before then. Let me just bust a few bubbles right here and now......her farts DO stink.....she is often times NOT going to have dinner sitting on the table when you get home.....she is going to get pissed at you for throwing your underwear into the hamper inside out....folded clothes don't magically get into the drawers by themselves.....bills will have to eventually get paid and SOMEONE is going to have to take charge of those duties....she does SNOAR and LOUD.....she does wake up with messy ass hair/no make up/and with dragon breath..... So those of you who are "waiting" until the perfect mate comes along.......that doesn't happen in real life. Everyone has their quirks and faults and hang ups......YES, even me ......

There are also great joys that will surface that otherwise aren't possible. There are things that only happen behind closed doors that are everything from hilarious to emotional to down right touching. You can not usually experience those things while apart. So there are many positive discoveries as well.

If you can't live with someone, you certainly shouldn't marry them. You will not be able to nit pick every single thing that bothers you or it will fall apart. You have to pick your battles. Sometimes it's NOT worth it to bitch about inside out underwear, sometimes it is. That recognition only comes from experience in knowing your mate. The hardest transition from single to married comes when you have to SHARE, COMMUNICATE, and COMPROMISE with another person. No matter how much you THINK you love someone, that's the real test. If you can't do even 1 of the 3, you really are doomed to failure the majority of the time. It's almost impossible to have a successful marriage w/o even one of those components missing, and therefore by default all 3 of those will have to be used when you just live with someone. If you can use them effectively when you live together, marriage will be so much an easier road to hoe.

Anyway, I hope that answered "someone's" question. I thought some of yall may have the same question too, so I posted it here vs PM.

Good luck to all comtemplating marriage......You'll need it......JP