Marriage is what and your spouse make of it. Plain and simple. This question can only be answered based on opinions. Especially if you think it is over rated. There is only one fact to remember about marriage: It is what you make of it. Later, QD.
Marriage is what and your spouse make of it. Plain and simple. This question can only be answered based on opinions. Especially if you think it is over rated. There is only one fact to remember about marriage: It is what you make of it. Later, QD.
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Originally Posted by quickdodgeŽ
You are so wise....You are IA's personal YODA.
I don't always teach E-thugonomics. I'm an English teacher, math teacher, proofreader, ghost hunter and personal therapist. Later, QD.You are so wise....You are IA's personal YODA.
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I have noticed this .... however "math teacher" was one that has escaped me. I have not seen you use these talents yet.
Haven't had a chance to use these in a while. I am also a hip hop and old school rock professor, I forgot to add. Later, QD.
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those rep points signify his mathematical skills. he has to use numbers in order to correctly rep someone.
he is also a known owner, that probably goes under e-thugonomics though.
Valid points....and duely noted..like I said...he is "our" Yoda...and uses the force wisely.
As probably the oldest person on IA.....wait, forgot about Brett....as one of THE oldest people on IA and I think probably also the one that's been with his wife the longest (this is our 20th yr together).....I can tell yall from experience that both Leisa and QD are right on the money.
Marriage is exactly what two people make of it.
It is wayyyy too easy and even trendy to get divorced now. People all too often end up in relationships where only one person carries the entire relationship. Sometimes they drag on for a long time for one reason or another. Sometimes they throw in the towel right away. Divorces are sometimes necessary, but IMO often times they really aren't. Now, I'm not saying that divorces aren't warranted or necessary. They sometimes damn sure are. I'm only saying that if society took a different approach towards marriage, maybe we would have more couples TRY and work things out instead of their first answer to a problem be divorcing.
People take marriage way too lightly. It's no joke. It's actually a lot of work. Work that requires a certain maturity level and a huge commitment to compromising.
Long story short, if you don't take marriage seriously, there is no way it will ever be anything fruitful. Children only make that instability worse. Children NEVER fix ANY marriage problems, they only compound them.
My advice? Date as long as you can, hell even live together BEFORE you get married. The honeymoon phase is easy to get thru, it's the "you piss me off so bad I wanna gouge your eyes out while you sleep" phase that really separates the men from the boys sort of speak.
HEY! Dammit. I'm the oldest here. Lolol. Later, QD.As probably the oldest person on IA.....wait, forgot about Brett
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My bad, I thought Father Time Brett was.....my bad.
old = wisdom
you are wise, wiser than moses
I will not reveal whom, but this is in response to a PM I just got......
Marriage is a big deal. It is NOT to be taken lightly. If you are in a committed relationship, there are certain steps (IMO) that may increase the chances for success. One of those steps is, and this is only AFTER you've been together for a long time already dating exclusively, living together for a little while just before getting married.
Notice there are some hidden caveats in there. The first being that living together should come ONLY after you've been dating for an extended amount of time. IMO that means like YEARS, not months. The second is that you are in a monogamous and exclusive dating situation. Finally, you should really limit your living together to certain finite amount of time BEFORE you get married. In other words, living together for 10 yrs, buying houses together, having children together, YET NOT taking the final step is ridiculous to me.
But if you are together with your mate for say......3 years
Living together brings out things, both positive and negative, that you certainly can not see before then. Let me just bust a few bubbles right here and now......her farts DO stink.....she is often times NOT going to have dinner sitting on the table when you get home.....she is going to get pissed at you for throwing your underwear into the hamper inside out....folded clothes don't magically get into the drawers by themselves.....bills will have to eventually get paid and SOMEONE is going to have to take charge of those duties....she does SNOAR and LOUD.....she does wake up with messy ass hair/no make up/and with dragon breath.....
There are also great joys that will surface that otherwise aren't possible. There are things that only happen behind closed doors that are everything from hilarious to emotional to down right touching. You can not usually experience those things while apart. So there are many positive discoveries as well.
If you can't live with someone, you certainly shouldn't marry them. You will not be able to nit pick every single thing that bothers you or it will fall apart. You have to pick your battles. Sometimes it's NOT worth it to bitch about inside out underwear, sometimes it is. That recognition only comes from experience in knowing your mate. The hardest transition from single to married comes when you have to SHARE, COMMUNICATE, and COMPROMISE with another person. No matter how much you THINK you love someone, that's the real test. If you can't do even 1 of the 3, you really are doomed to failure the majority of the time. It's almost impossible to have a successful marriage w/o even one of those components missing, and therefore by default all 3 of those will have to be used when you just live with someone. If you can use them effectively when you live together, marriage will be so much an easier road to hoe.
Anyway, I hope that answered "someone's" question. I thought some of yall may have the same question too, so I posted it here vs PM.
Good luck to all comtemplating marriage......You'll need it......JP
and thats some real shit right there....
But i guess it all depends on the person. I'm the type of person that really can't see myself with just one person because i love going out and meeting people and i can't put all my trust in someone because chances are they will fuck you over more then once.
Thanks.
And you get much respect from that statement. You're doing the right thing in your life. Marriage isn't for party hoppers/club goers. It is for growing up and settling down. I don't mean that the single life is full of non grown-ups. To me, clubbing is for single people. On the real ,why do most people go to clubs? Not to dance. Not to drink. To meet other people. What I like about Mark's attitude is that he knows he doesn't want to settle down and if he did, life would be fucked up for him and his husband(lolol). Later, QD.
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And you are correct sir, but some little children think that if a girl does one thing right for them, that they must marry them. But just because something is going well at the beginning doesnt mean it will later, you have to know its right, but maybe he thinks it is right.
real talk right there
one other fact is that if you do not communicate well, your marriage will be the complete shits. you MUST communicate and be willing to work shit out. like someone said, it's all in give and take. you can't just take take take, there are two people in that marriage and you have to come to agreements in alot of things. communication is by far the largest factor in marriage period. by communicating you will learn if you have that person's trust, love, etc.
Bingo. Communication is so important...
You left out one HUGE other factor that probably matches communication in this position. Trust. Without trust, a good relationship will NOT be had. Later, QD.
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yeah that is true. but i feel communication is first in the whole relationship, then comes trust (probably an opininated statement when it comes down to it, but that's my feelings). when you communicate, you talk about how you feel, your insecurities if you have them, what's going on with you, you feel what i'm saying? constant communication can and will nullify that whole insecurity bullshit. it has happened in my relationship, my fiancee and i had a SERIOUS issue, both of us, on us trusting each other. we never cheated on each other, it was just a result of the shit we've been put through in our past relationships and we had to learn to trust each other. i know i will never do anything wrong to her and she will never do anything wrong to me. it's all about communication and understanding where that person is coming from.
IMO
1. communication
2. trust
Respected, but I think they are on the same level. The things, good or bad, that can be said, can be said about one, can be said about the other. Also, a breakdown in one can lead to a breakdown in the other. If your line of communication starts fading, so does your trust level. You start to wonder why the spouse isn't talking with you anymore or as much. You start thinking if the other person is talking to someone else instead. Same with trust. If you start to not trust your mate and your mate know, that mate has a good chance of lashing out and starting the process of a cracked fault line of communication. Later, QD.
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