IF LOTR WAS 2 HRS
SCENE 1
Frodo: Hi, Gandalf!
Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring.
Bilbo: Okay. Bye!
Gandalf: See you at the pub, Frodo.
SCENE 2
Frodo: Doo-de-do.
Nazgul: Boo!
Frodo: Eeeek!
Merry: (pops out of nowhere) Eeeek!
Pippin: (ditto) Eeeek!
Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now!
SCENE 3
Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends!
Frodo: No time for you, weirdo.
Tom Bombadil: (disappears)
SCENE 4
Saruman: See, all I had to do was cross out "Good" on my business cards and write "Bad", and I'm all set.
Gandalf: I never saw [I]that[I] coming.
Saruman: Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of evil orcs and war machinery which were in plain sight.
Gandalf: Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of in the canonical dungeon deep underground. Oh, wait.
SCENE 5
Frodo: (whispering) Keep a low profile.
Pippin: (loudly) And don't mention your real name, right?
Merry: (loudly) Or the ring either, right?
Strider: Right. Don't mention the ring. (laughs) It's okay, I'll save you.
SCENE 6
Pippin: (whining) Are we there yet?
Nazgul: Bwa ha ha ha. Give us the ring, little worm.
Frodo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names--
Sam: Hmmm, looks like swords work too.
Strider: Go away, bad men!
Nazgul: The five of us must flee, for we are outnumbered by this one Ranger!
SCENE 7
Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell!
Merry: That was easy.
Pippin: Don't knock it.
Sam: Elves are cool!
Elrond: Get the hell out of my place, I don't need any trouble.
Gimli: You can't throw them out while I'm here!
Legolas: Sam for me!
Elrond: Right, all of you wankers leave now.
Gandalf: But I just got here.
Boromir: I'll just invite myself along. No real reason. Certainly not because I have larceny on my mind. Nope.
Strider: Look, they fixed my sword! (swish) Wheeeee!
SCENE 8
Frodo: Such beautiful scenery. The green grass and leaves are so--
[THUD]
Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from?
Gandalf: Don't blame me. Who knew that mountains could be cold on top?
Gimli: Told you we should go through the mines.
Strider: Let the Dwarf have his way.
Legolas: Fine, whatever, just open the door.
Gimli: Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside.
Boromir: What a bunch of dicks.
Gandalf: Of course! (applies C4 to the problem) [POOF]
Sam: Such magic.
SCENE 9
Merry: Ooooo, dead Dwarf over here!
Gimli: Boo hoo.
Pippin: HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!!
Gandalf: Twit.
Orcs: Oh good, we were getting hungry. Do you have and idea how difficult it is to keep and army fed in these abandoned mines?
Boromir: (Slash)
Legolas: (Pfft)
Gimli: (Whack)
Orcs: This is definitely putting a damper on our relationship.
Frodo: Ouch!
Strider: Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished! Our quest has failed!
Frodo: Just kidding. I did the slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest trick while I was standing in profile to y'all. Pretty funny eh?
Balrog: Dammit, I was sound asleep. That really ticks me off.
Gandalf: We are so doomed.
Strider: Not if we run away! (does so)
Boromir: First good idea you've had. (follows)
Hobbits: (already in the lead)
Gandalf: (trailing) It matters not! You cannot outrun the demon!
Legolas: We don't have to. . .
Gimli: . . . we just have to outrun you!
Balrog: Your ass is mine, Wizard. (drags Gandalf down with him)
Strider: Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has fallen!
Frodo: I'm over it.
Sam: Yeah, let's go. There's no food here.
SCENE 10
Legolas: Wondrous are these woods!
Gimli: And full of cutthroat elves.
Celeborn: We were told of your coming. Well, warned is more accurate.
Galadriel: I know you better than you know yourselves.
Sam: You've got nothing better to do with your time?
Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror.
Frodo: Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around here? What mirror are you babbling about? There's just this birdbath full of water.
Galadriel: But it shows magic pictures of things that may or may not be!
Frodo: I'm guessing you're a day trader. Here, you take the ring.
Galdariel: I will not. (hangs her head) I lost the instructions.
Frodo: Great, I'm still stuck with it.
Celeborn: Check-out time!
SCENE 11
Pippin: (singing) Row row row you boat, gently down--
Gimli: Shut the hell up. Seven hours of that is enough.
Strider: All this beautiful scenery is giving me a very bad feeling.
SCENE 12
Boromir: Give me the ring.
Frodo: Notice as I put it on that it not only makes me invisible, it also apparently teleports me away from your clutches.
Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my kingdom! Where is a rake I can step on, that it might strike my head? Ah, this will do nicely. (whack)
Frodo: Best thing for me to do now is head for the most dangerous place in the world.
Sam: Works for me. (they leave)
SuperOrcs: Kill! Kill! Kill!
Merry: Help, help, Auntie Em! (waves his tiny sword pathetically)
Pippin: Christ, look at the size of these guys! We're dead meat.
Boromir: Fear not, little Hobbits. I shall blow my special horn and we shall be rescued by soldiers . . who are . . hundreds . . of . . miles . . away . . guess we're pretty stuffed after all. (dies)
SuperOrcs: Kill! Kill! Kill!
Legolas: Look at my form. Damn, I'm good.
Gimli: I'm environmentally friendly --- blood makes the grass grow.
Strider: Looks like Frodo got away. Well, there's no chance in hell I'm going to step one foot closer to Mordor, so let's go the exact opposite direction.
Legolas: Okay.
Gimli: Sure.
THE END
Yeah, that's about two hours.
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= :idb: 
Originally Posted by AtifSajid
