A LETTER TO OUR PETS
Letter to My Pets:
1. When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to
switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.
2. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
All
other dishes are mine and contain my food.
3. Please note that placing your paw print in the middle of MY
plate
and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.
4. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
in
your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you
can
run.
5. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the
couch to
ensure your comfort.
6. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
7. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another,
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.
8. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw
under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit
through the
same door I entered. Honest.
9. Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some
time
-- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
10. I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the
other
dog's/cat's behind.
11. To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following
notice
on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets ---
1. The pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.
(That's why it's called "fur"niture.)
3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted
son/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't
speak
clearly.
4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because: ---- they don't ask
for
money all the time--- they are easier to train ---- they usually come
when
called ---- they don't hang out with drug-using friends ---- they
don't
need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and ---- if they
get
pregnant, you can sell the children.
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myself...I did not notice the other thread that is the same thing !!! 
