a few jokes

[accordon17s]

a guy walks into a bar and says OUCH!

end

Wow thats actually funny......

Here u go tho.

These are actual directions found on certain products around the
world!


1. Directions found on a bag of frito corn chips.
"You could be a winner!!! No purchase neccessary!!! Details
inside!"
you think to your self (Shoplifters special)

2. On Tesco's Tiramisu Desert (directions on bottom)
"Do not turn upside down"
(Too late)

3. On Marks & Spencers Bread Pudding.
"Product will be hot after heating"
(Just as day follows night)

4. On most kinds of christmas lights.
"Indoor and outdoor uses ONLY"
(As opposed to what now?)

5. On Sainsbury's peanuts.
"WARNING CONTAINS NUTS!!!"
(Talk about your news flash)

6. Found on an American Airlines Packet of peanuts.
"Step One: Open packet. Step two: Eat nuts."
You think to your self (Step three: Fly Delta)

7. On a sweedish chainsaw.
"Warning! PLease do not try to stop with hands or
genitals!!"
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere! My GOD!)


There are two friends at a bar late one night. One holds a cat
everywhere he goes. he never wears a watch. The friend finally
asks him, "What's with the cat?" The man responds, "I use it to
tell time." As the two are leaving the bar, the second man is
pondering how this is possible. He finally asks his friend,
puzzled, "So how does it tell time?" The man gives the cat a
hard squeeze around its middle. The cat lets out a long meow,
very loud. Down the street, a woman opens her window to yell,
"What's with all the racket? It's one in the morning!!!"