a few jokes

[Mike]

a guy sits down at the bar and says to the bar tender " i bet you $200 i can piss in a cup across the room and make it in" the bar tender puts the cup across the room and says "ill take your bet there is not way you can make it in this small cup from all the way across the room"
the guy starts to piss everywhere all over the counter and on the bar tender. he gives the bar tender the cash very happy. the bar tender ask the guy "why are you so happy you just lost $200?" the guy points across the room and says. "do you see those three guys over there? i just bet them $500 each that i could piss all over your bar and you would not even get mad!"

[seanrg1116]

a guy sits down at the bar and says to the bar tender " i bet you $200 i can piss in a cup across the room and make it in" the bar tender puts the cup across the room and says "ill take your bet there is not way you can make it in this small cup from all the way across the room"
the guy starts to piss everywhere all over the counter and on the bar tender. he gives the bar tender the cash very happy. the bar tender ask the guy "why are you so happy you just lost $200?" the guy points across the room and says. "do you see those three guys over there? i just bet them $500 each that i could piss all over your bar and you would not even get mad!"

stolen form Quenten tarin tino(sp) in Desperado

[seanrg1116]

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; You ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.'

This catches the blonde's attention; and, to keep him quiet, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?' The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Air-phone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mail's to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

[seanrg1116]

AS A WOMAN PASSED HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM
DOOR SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN.

OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF
A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE ASKED:
'WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?
THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: MOM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS
OLD, UNMARRIED, AND
THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A
HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE. THE NEXT DAY,
THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR. UPON ENTERING THE
ROOM, HE OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO
HER VIBRATOR.

TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID:
'DAD I'M THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING
IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND
PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME� ALONE.' A COUPLE DAYS
LATER, THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED
THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, AND
HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE
LIVING ROOM. SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER
HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND
STARING AT THE TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE
COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.
THE WIFE ASKED: 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?'
THE HUSBAND REPLIED: 'I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW.