So...(male and female perspectives please)

[Sammich]

Im engaged, been engaged for eight months and the wedding date is set at Nov. 10. But the dilemna presents itself. I am IN love with my fiancee, and a month ago realized my feelins for my last ex (first love) didnt go away i just 'put them to the side' if you will. I figure being the man that i am, i'd tell my fiancee the truth so that i can keep the truth out there ya know..cuz this situation has been bothering me for a month now.

Well i tell her and at first i felt good about gettin it off my chest and letting her know, but now i have regrets about telling her. I feel that she really wants out of the relationship but is just too afraid to admit it. I told her that the money her and her family already spent, if she wanted to cancel the wedding i would payback to them. She's mad, and i feel not trusting me right now. i dont know what to do, should i continue to console her and tell her im sorry and hopefully as she says she wants to, 'just forget about it', or encourage her to leave? what do i do

[con]

if you loved her and were ready to jump the broom, the feelings for the ex would not of been heavy on your heart.

IMHO, you weren't ready. Hope all goes well with working through this with the recent lady, but it's highly unlikely that Nov. 10th will be the day.

Good Luck!

[Sammich]

isnt the 'first love' one that will always be on ur heart? even after u are 'over' them?

[Killer]

isnt the 'first love' one that will always be on ur heart? even after u are 'over' them?

yeah, you'll never forget them... but that shouldn't get in the way of anything.

[Kelly]

yeah, you'll never forget them... but that shouldn't get in the way of anything.

You had to learn this one too...

And it sucks that Killer had a "first love" that wasn't me...
And he is my first love.

Sucks real bad

[Killer]

You had to learn this one too...

And it sucks that Killer had a "first love" that wasn't me...
And he is my first love.

Sucks real bad

and some how that's my fault....

[Leisa]

Get over it people... you will always have a special feeling for your first love I dont care what people say...

PBS.. I think you were fine in telling her your feelings, atleast you were honest with her.. I feel you both can work it out... Just talk about it..

[1000cckiller]

Get over it people... you will always have a special feeling for your first love I dont care what people say...

PBS.. I think you were fine in telling her your feelings, atleast you were honest with her.. I feel you both can work it out... Just talk about it..

I would have to agree with Wilma

[Sammich]

Get over it people... you will always have a special feeling for your first love I dont care what people say...

PBS.. I think you were fine in telling her your feelings, atleast you were honest with her.. I feel you both can work it out... Just talk about it..

thanks leisa i highly appreciate it. i mean thats what i thought, i just dont want her thinking im running game or something along that line. i want her to know i'm still real, and i dont want anyone else but her

[Kelly]

Get over it people... you will always have a special feeling for your first love I dont care what people say...

Even when they treat you like shit? Cuz I don't understand that one.

I'm the only girl that's not cheated on Kyle. Yet he tells me he can never give me what he gave his first love which is complete bullshit.

I just now got so mad...

[NevrNufTorq]

Get over it people... you will always have a special feeling for your first love I dont care what people say...

PBS.. I think you were fine in telling her your feelings, atleast you were honest with her.. I feel you both can work it out... Just talk about it..

she speaks truth! once you get old as all of you call me now a days and i get that 'sir thing' all the time like i did this weekend at nopi!! your perspective changes on alot of things. when i was your age i wouldve said you need a break. now, i know better and i have ?'s to back up this thought that you need to ask yourself and answer(to yourself) about this situation.

1. there will always be special people in your life and they will have special places. you gotta ask yourself, do you need to act on this or is it just that, a special place in your heart or...?

2. and probably shoulda been a big #1!! is this a sex thing? we've all had them and some are just better than others. and as good as it is, we all get old one day and it will just not be the same. dont start on the advances of medical science and any man can get it up til he's 80 now! we all know this.

3. as pertaining to question 2 that shoulda been #1, is your fiancee someone you truly love in the sense that you can talk and be friends as well as all the other things that you normally associate with being together? i.e. when you take away everything that attracted you to her such as looks, sex, holding hands, kissing, touching. the gooey stuff!!! do you still wanna be with her?

4. another biggee!!! ex's are usually ex's for a reason. you need to ask yourself some ?'s on why the other and you broke up in the 1st place? generally these cant be overcome or are extrmely hard too. not saying people dont overcome breakups and time off but it is alot more difficult.
these reasons of the original breakup just tend to rear there ugly head up again later down the road when the new wears off.

5. you need to do major damage control!!!!! houston, we have a problem!!! while it is great that you need to have honesty around. the last thing your 'wie to be' wants to hear is you might have feelings for another girl. cold feet is one thing, another person is a whole nother bag!! my 1st thought would be flowers depending on the girl. well thought out card just to explain you love her and that you wanna be open and honest about your feelings even when it might not be what she wants to hear. make sure even if its advice from other people it's something you truly beleive b/c women can see thru bs very easily in situations like this. they dont call it 'womens intuition' for nothing.

hope this helps and sorry if i went on too long!!! i have a bad habit of doing that and i actually did condense this beleive it or not!!! latr

[Killer]

Im engaged, been engaged for eight months and the wedding date is set at Nov. 10. But the dilemna presents itself. I am IN love with my fiancee, and a month ago realized my feelins for my last ex (first love) didnt go away i just 'put them to the side' if you will. I figure being the man that i am, i'd tell my fiancee the truth so that i can keep the truth out there ya know..cuz this situation has been bothering me for a month now.

Well i tell her and at first i felt good about gettin it off my chest and letting her know, but now i have regrets about telling her. I feel that she really wants out of the relationship but is just too afraid to admit it. I told her that the money her and her family already spent, if she wanted to cancel the wedding i would payback to them. She's mad, and i feel not trusting me right now. i dont know what to do, should i continue to console her and tell her im sorry and hopefully as she says she wants to, 'just forget about it', or encourage her to leave? what do i do

you can't be in love with two people at once man... really think about that one... trust me... i've been there before... with kelly as a matter of fact... i wanted to lover her, but i couldn't at the time cause i wasn't over my ex....

once my feelings for my ex went away, i was free to love who i wanted...

[Sammich]

you can't be in love with two people at once man... really think about that one... trust me... i've been there before... with kelly as a matter of fact... i wanted to lover her, but i couldn't at the time cause i wasn't over my ex....

once my feelings for my ex went away, i was free to love who i wanted...

its like the second i finally told her..my 'feelins' i had for the ex went away. i can understand u cant be IN love with two people, and that wasnt my issue. im IN love w/ my current lady..feelins resurfaced when my ex hit me up...

yeah, you'll never forget them... but that shouldn't get in the way of anything.

i mean its not its just that those feelins were like takin me over and i knew i needed to tell her, at least i thought, to keep trust on the table..i mean did i evn do the right thing tellin her?

[Killer]

its like the second i finally told her..my 'feelins' i had for the ex went away. i can understand u cant be IN love with two people, and that wasnt my issue. im IN love w/ my current lady..feelins resurfaced when my ex hit me up...




i mean its not its just that those feelins were like takin me over and i knew i needed to tell her, at least i thought, to keep trust on the table..i mean did i evn do the right thing tellin her?

yes, telling her was the correct thing to do.... if she's not woman enough to try to work things out with you, when you're being honest with her.. maybe you should give that ring to the ex...

[Sammich]

yes, telling her was the correct thing to do.... if she's not woman enough to try to work things out with you, when you're being honest with her.. maybe you should give that ring to the ex...

well i believe she wants to work it out..according to her words, but by the vibe i get, its feels like she wants out

[Killer]

well i believe she wants to work it out..according to her words, but by the vibe i get, its feels like she wants out

i know that feeling man... for sure...

[Kelly]

yes, telling her was the correct thing to do.... if she's not woman enough to try to work things out with you, when you're being honest with her.. maybe you should give that ring to the ex...

Uh, if you came up to me after we were engaged and told me you still had feeling for Sarah, I don't think I'd be willing to work it out. You wouldn't either, if the roles were reversed.


Sorry...

[Killer]

Uh, if you came up to me after we were engaged and told me you still had feeling for Sarah, I don't think I'd be willing to work it out. You wouldn't either, if the roles were reversed.


Sorry...

you're also immature when it comes to those kind of things because you've never really had any other relationships...

[1000cckiller]

you can't be in love with two people at once man... really think about that one... trust me... i've been there before... with kelly as a matter of fact... i wanted to lover her, but i couldn't at the time cause i wasn't over my ex....

once my feelings for my ex went away, i was free to love who i wanted...

you can be in love with more than on person, there's no rule that says you cant. Your heart and you have to make the decision on what you want to do.

[Evil Goat]

you can't be in love with two people at once man... really think about that one... trust me... i've been there before... with kelly as a matter of fact... i wanted to lover her, but i couldn't at the time cause i wasn't over my ex....

once my feelings for my ex went away, i was free to love who i wanted...

you should write cards for halmark or some shit

[Sammich]

well personally my decision is made..from the first day those feelins came back to the day when they went away (sunday/yesterday) i knew i still only wanted to be w/ my fiancee, but i dnt want her doing something(marrying me) if shes gona regret it

[Killer]

well personally my decision is made..from the first day those feelins came back to the day when they went away (sunday/yesterday) i knew i still only wanted to be w/ my fiancee, but i dnt want her doing something(marrying me) if shes gona regret it

don't do anything to make her regret it man!

[Sammich]

don't do anything to make her regret it man!

im trying not to. thats why i told her. but thats why im leavin open the option for her to leave if she wants, cuz i dnt want her to feel like shes obligated to me. if she leaves, i guess its my fault for not makin sure i was over my ex...

[Sammich]

aww damn that just put a hole in my boat right there man..

[1000cckiller]

aww damn that just put a hole in my boat right there man..

8 months down the drain fuck no. you ex is you ex for a reason. work it out.

[Sammich]

8 months down the drain fuck no. you ex is you ex for a reason. work it out.

i wana work it out(with my fiancee) i really do. i hate to lose her over this, but i mean ill just have to cope with the lost if she decides to leave me

[Kelly]

aww damn that just put a hole in my boat right there man..

3 years is a lot different than 8 months


I just for sure couldn't marry him at that time.

I'd wanna go on a "break" for him to figure out what he really wanted.
Which I think is what needs to happen in your situation.

[Killer]

3 years is a lot different than 8 months


I just for sure couldn't marry him at that time.

I'd wanna go on a "break" for him to figure out what he really wanted.
Which I think is what needs to happen in your situation.

besides... what are you doing in this thread anyway?????

[Sammich]

3 years is a lot different than 8 months


I just for sure couldn't marry him at that time.

I'd wanna go on a "break" for him to figure out what he really wanted.
Which I think is what needs to happen in your situation.

difference is i basically knew this girl all my life. we've been together for year and a half and have been wantin to get at her since i can remember, literally.

besides... what are you doing in this thread anyway?????

i need all perspectives..let her talk on this one crackuh

[quickdodge®]

I think you did right in telling your fiance. Now is your love for your ex because she was a first love or is it because you might want to try something with her in the future? Do YOU still want to get married to your fiance? Do you love her enough to put your ex behind you and not let it interfere with your marriage? These are things that you should consider. If you want to keep your wedding with your fiance, then you should definitely try to encourage your love for her on her. Let her know that there is nothing that would keep you from taking the leap. And, especially right now, don't do a thing that will lead your fiance to think she should not trust you. Later, QD.

[Sammich]

I think you did right in telling your fiance. Now is your love for your ex because she was a first love or is it because you might want to try something with her in the future? Do YOU still want to get married to your fiance? Do you love her enough to put your ex behind you and not let it interfere with your marriage? These are things that you should consider. If you want to keep your wedding with your fiance, then you should definitely try to encourage your love for her on her. Let her know that there is nothing that would keep you from taking the leap. And, especially right now, don't do a thing that will lead your fiance to think she should not trust you. Later, QD.

my love for her is ONLY because she was my first love i swear on that, i dont want to try anything with her. i think i was also partially curious as to why we just 'grew apart/broke off' from one another. i mean even after our break up and prior to my fiancee we kept in contact, just to see how each other was doing. i mean even her son had to get eye surgery and i told her that if she needed me to do something to help out w/ him lemme know, cuz basically his father is a deadbeat...ftl. i still without a shadow of a doubt wana get married to her, no questino in my mind and i have already put my ex behind me, not wanting to let her interfere(which she already has since i told my fiancee) with what i have right now. the only thing i dont want is for my fiancee to get married to me for the wrong reason now

[Sammich]

ahh shit i done done it again..sorry killer...but i mean..i've given my fiancee more than ive given my first love. to me that was a good experience, although, my first love, i couldnt imagine leaving what i have now. it was just depressing having those feelins come back when the love of my life is right in front of me

[bigdare23]

should of kept your mouth shut homie!

[quickdodge®]

should of kept your mouth shut homie!

Wrong answer. In a life event such as marriage, all playing cards MUST BE ON THE TABLE. Without a doubt. If not, something will happen and it will be (more times than not) catastrophic. Later, QD.

[81911SC]

SARAH IS HOTT

[Killer]

SARAH IS HOTT

was....

she's gross now....





































btw ur an ass for that!

[Sammich]

was....

she's gross now....


btw ur an ass for that!

should of kept your mouth shut homie!

i wish i did, but i dont know if i coulda kept it inside

[Leisa]

The thing is falling in love that very first time is a feeling that you wont ever get again. each person that experiences this feeling will always have that, whether the relationship was good or bad... you still fell in love... period!

[Sammich]

The thing is falling in love that very first time is a feeling that you wont ever get again. each person that experiences this feeling will always have that, whether the relationship was good or bad... you still fell in love... period!

whats kinda funny about it though, as much as i wanted to say it i could never fix my lips to tell my ex that i love her, w/ my fiancee i tell her just to tell her...fawkin wierd. makin this thread has helped...still some hurt and confusion goin on but i think by the end of the wk i can figure it out

[Killer]

The thing is falling in love that very first time is a feeling that you wont ever get again. each person that experiences this feeling will always have that, whether the relationship was good or bad... you still fell in love... period!

exactly, your first love is completely blind... and you are completely vulnerable... and selfless...

i've learned through past relationships that if i don't watch out for myself that i will get run over and treated like crap...

that does not mean that i'm not gonna love the next (kelly)more.. because i do...

just means when things get shady, i no longer put up with it....