Overcoming Shyness, learning to be a "people person"

[justinxecushyn]

Great thread

Like most have already mentioned, you have to want to do it. Just like smoking -- all the books and drugs and the world won't stop you from smoking if you don't want to quit.

I say there is two parts to overcoming this:

1) Normally you have to be in a comfortable situation in order to overcome that shyness, sig says you're the vice president of a car club? That's definitely a good start because it forces you to interact with others within the same realm -- It really can be difficult to randomly meet people with the same views and interests outside of a situation like that. This is one reason i love importatlanta, there is no other site that i can think of with the variety of people and between all the forums & threads then meets & events there's plenty of oppurtunities to easily interact with them.

2) Sometimes you just gotta have balls -- in the case of meeting women say in a grocery store for instance would you ever talk to one? You don't know them and they don't know you so what's it gonna hurt right? Not like you have to drop down on one knee or even ask them out or anything...just a simple statement, comment, or question works and see what kinda of feedback you get. I have chicks all the time call me just to tell me the pick up line someone just told them, normally laughing hysterically with the subject still standing there...lolol. That amuses me but don't do them. Just be yourself.


I hear ya, myspace can be incredible tool if used correctly -- without giving away too many secrets i've recently been shooting alot of concerts at small venues...chat with people here and there and i'll post a few pics up on the bands myspace page then the same ones I talked to see me on there and send a message wanting to meet up again. Honestly it's like fish in a bucket and I don't even have to initiate a single thing, search or browse for people. or anything! haha

If someone was to come up to me in the store or even at work and speak, i feel...i dunno its hard to explain, kinda emabarrased lol. i have trouble like looking @ that person, speaking to them. a casual smile, nothing. I dont like that. I do think intelligence has soemthing to do with it. i'm a VERY intelligent person and sometimes it plays a role, well most times it plays a role in the way that i think or act. I dont think like normal people, i analyze and sometimes over analyze situations more than i should. hell this thread wouldn't have happened if i didn't put myself out on a limb. to some its nothing but to me, it isn't. i dunno im just weird like that i guess.

[speedminded]

If someone was to come up to me in the store or even at work and speak, i feel...i dunno its hard to explain, kinda emabarrased lol. i have trouble like looking @ that person, speaking to them. a casual smile, nothing. I dont like that. I do think intelligence has soemthing to do with it. i'm a VERY intelligent person and sometimes it plays a role, well most times it plays a role in the way that i think or act. I dont think like normal people, i analyze and sometimes over analyze situations more than i should. hell this thread wouldn't have happened if i didn't put myself out on a limb. to some its nothing but to me, it isn't. i dunno im just weird like that i guess.

Trust me, you're talking to the worlds worst at that. I don't really know how to play chess but i'll still make this analogy...in most situations, even just ordinary everyday ones, i'll analayze something and think about the outcome for each move or step i could take...just like you would in a chess match. Does that mean I still make the right choice? hell naw, lol.

If or when someone comes up to me out of the blue it DOES throws me off sometimes, it means I have to just wing the situation because I haven't planned it at all...I normally know what i'm going to say before i say it and have already thought about what responses i could possibly get for each thing I say, haha :-p Do i think too much? The more that happens the better you'll be at it, as everything it takes practice. Is there a way to practice quick wit? I always say it's not the situations you get yourself into but how you handle them. Get comfortable interacting with strangers that you've gone up to and you'll be loaded for those that come to you, no running off with your tail between your legs. Now go watch 40 year old virgin, the library scene is priceless.

It is ok to be reserved, there's plenty of others out there the same way...you'll change that if you want or feel the need to but opening yourself up too much or too quickly can have negative effects too. Gotta find that happy medium you're comfortable with.

[JennB]

Believe me, I know just how you feel. I have certainly improved over the years but nowhere near overcoming it.

When I was a child, I barely talked to anyone. I would slowly open up to friends and other than that, I only talked to my family. As I've gotten older, the thing that has helped most is work. When I was in college, I worked in retail and absolutely had to talk to people almost constantly. Even after years of that and then going on the professional world where I have to talk to clients and coworkers, I still am much more outgoing at work than elsewhere. It's almost like I have two sides of me... I talk to anyone I need to at work and have been complimented on my way of handling people many times but in my personal life, I'm still pretty shy.

Of course I'm loud and silly arounf close friends but it takes a while to get there. I'm always the quiet one in a group and a lot of times I don't think people even realize who I am at meets. Another thing, I'm terrible at calling people. Just as you mentioned overanalyzing everything, I do that as well. I second guess calling people and being more social because I don't know if people want to hear from me.

But anyways.... as I said, the biggest help was work. Also with meeting people in social situations, stick with what you know so it's easier to talk to people. For example, if I went to an event centered around say... wine tasting... I'd be clueless and probably not talk to a single person. But I go to car meets because I can talk to people about cars. Go out a few times and just stop and take a look, compliment the owners of cars and before you know it, you'll have conversations. It's gradual but you have to try.

Good luck.

[speedminded]

Believe me, I know just how you feel. I have certainly improved over the years but nowhere near overcoming it.

I can't imagine Mike being able to help you in that department, haha

[Julio]

I worked in retail and absolutely had to talk to people almost constantly. Even after years of that and then going on the professional world where I have to talk to clients and coworkers .

Another case Of white collar "wannabee" talking down on retail employees...


You mean, office job.....

[justinxecushyn]

Trust me, you're talking to the worlds worst at that. I don't really know how to play chess but i'll still make this analogy...in most situations, even just ordinary everyday ones, i'll analayze something and think about the outcome for each move or step i could take...just like you would in a chess match. Does that mean I still make the right choice? hell naw, lol.

If or when someone comes up to me out of the blue it DOES throws me off sometimes, it means I have to just wing the situation because I haven't planned it at all...I normally know what i'm going to say before i say it and have already thought about what responses i could possibly get for each thing I say, haha :-p Do i think too much? The more that happens the better you'll be at it, as everything it takes practice. Is there a way to practice quick wit? I always say it's not the situations you get yourself into but how you handle them. Get comfortable interacting with strangers that you've gone up to and you'll be loaded for those that come to you, no running off with your tail between your legs. Now go watch 40 year old virgin, the library scene is priceless.

It is ok to be reserved, there's plenty of others out there the same way...you'll change that if you want or feel the need to but opening yourself up too much or too quickly can have negative effects too. Gotta find that happy medium you're comfortable with.

exactally how i am. i have a bad habbit of not allowing things to happen. i always have a plan, a plan b, a plan c etc.