medical haha's
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's
going to have her baby
in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the
cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs -and I was in the
wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest
wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the
patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarc! t. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
was having trouble
with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on his body! Now, the instructions! includ e removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's
your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I
then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
"KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote
a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow
the lawn." Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!...............
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I
was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing
this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I
wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
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Rule #9: Don't go anywhere without a knife.
Sorry for the bad formatting...
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Originally Posted by Lucky SC
