Here we can see #22 harnessing the power of 37 other retards AND not getting called for illegal contact to the face
Playing a retarded kid on your pop warner football team can be a rewarding and fullfilling process. I know what many of you are thinking - "Well, the retarded kid on my boy's team doesn't pull his weight. They should cut his ass!" I say your coach doesn't know of the many subtle yet beneficial properties of the retarded athelete. On the field retards are dasterdly tools of deception, metaphysical magic, and Machavellian ref politic.
Ever think of what it would be like to be 11 and be asked to cover a retarded kid? IF you can get the slow bastard to run the same pattern and catch the ball when thrown to, he will ALWAYS get you that 3rd and 6. The kid covering him will think he is SUPPOSED to let the retard catch it. After about 2 or 3 scoring drives the opposing coach will be on to your game. Now is when you gotta get heartless. Run the 'tard up the middle for 2 series. No one will hit him too hard, but the view from the stands is that the opposing teams coach is beating the retard to death. He will weaken his middle to ease up in a sense of fair play, now run a play action pass with the tard running his one route again. BOOM! You got em in your hands for the rest of the game. You can run your brute runner up the middle or throw to the tard. Occasionally run the tard up the middle to let the other guy know you mean business. Tell him If he doesn't back off, one of his players is gonna have to live with hurting a retarded kid for the rest of his life. Keep repeating this cycle and no one will know how to stop your offense.
A retarded kid will also have the most fumble recoveries for your team guaranteed. For some strange reason, once you get a retarded kid to pick something up, they will always pick it up.This coupled with their uncanny ability to win despite overwhelming odds, proved in many TV specials, always gets them the rock.
All decisions the ref has to make will be in the retard's benefit. No old guy with grandkids is gonna ever call a retard for false start. They probably won't call offsides, pass interference, holding, roughing the kicker, or Unsportsmanlike conduct either. So feel free to use your low IQ goon enforcer freely.
Don't worry too much if the other team has ther own retard, as they tend to cancel each other out. Once faced up, after they commune energies and power up, they will just discuss whether the brocolli one ate makes him stronger than the one who just ate "the little green trees."
Another asset is the retards ability to win even if he losses. Everyone wins at the Special Olympics because the "special" kids can all share their energies with each other. They do this so that they all may experience the sensation of winning together. This also means that your retard can channel the raw power of up to like 230,000 other retards. He can be a powerhouse if used properly. If the opposing teams coach decides that he's not gonna let you run the 'tard up the middle any more, tell the kid to "let out the Super Saiyan inside and get that dragonball to Goku in the endzone." You got six muthafuckin points my brotha! Also, the opposing coach will probably double or triple cover your retard after this amazing event - so the field will be wide open.
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Originally Posted by Boostless
