Osama bin Laden dies and goes to paradise. Once in paradise, he finds himself surrounded by 72 of the ugliest skanks anyone has ever laid eyes upon. A bemused Allah then says to him: "Why do you think they're still virgins?!"

It's hard to find quality field-goal kickers for the Islamic Football League, because league rules allow for kickers who miss from inside 30 yards to have their feet amputated.