Funny doctor stories
> >
> > A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's
> going to have her baby in
> >the
> >cab!"
> >I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
> the lady's
> >dress, and began to take off her underwear.
> Suddenly I noticed that there
> >were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
> > Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> >
> >
> > At the beginning of my shift I placed a
> stethoscope on an elderly and
> >slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
> > "Big breaths," I instructed.
> > "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
> >
> > Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> >
> >
> > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
> I told a wife that her
> >husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
> >Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
> reporting to the rest of the
> >family that he had died of a
> >"massive internal fart."
> >
> > Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> >
> >
> > I was performing a complete physical, including
> the visual acuity test.
> >I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
> began, "Cover your
> >right
> >eye with your hand."
> >He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
> > "Now your left."
> >Again, a flawless read.
> > "Now both," I requested.
> >There was silence. He couldn't even read the large
> E on the top line. I
> >turned and discovered that he had done exactly what
> I had asked...
> >he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
> >I was laughing too hard to finish the exam
> >
> > Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> >
> >
> > During a patient's two week follow-up
> appointment with his cardiologist,
> >he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
> trouble with one of his
> >medications.
> >"Which one?" I asked.
> > "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a
> >new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
> places to put it!"
> >I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
> hoped I wouldn't see. Yes,
> >the man had over fifty patches on his body!
> >Now, the instructions include removal of the old
> patch before applying a
> >new
> >one.
> >
> > Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> >
> >
> > While acquainting myself with a new elderly
> patient, I asked, "How long
> >have you been bedridden?"
> > After a look of complete confusion she
> answered...
> >"Why, not for about twenty years -
> >when my husband was still alive."
> >
> > Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> >
> >
> > I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's
> your breakfast this
> >morning?
> >
> >"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
> can't seem to get used to
> >the taste" the patient replied.
> >I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
> produced a foil packet labeled
> >KY Jelly."
> >
> > Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> >
> >
> > A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when
> a young woman with
> >purple
> >hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
> variety of tattoos, and
> >wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
> determined that the
> >patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
> scheduled for immediate surgery.
> >When she was completely disrobed on the operating
> table, the staff noticed
> >that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above
> it there was a tattoo
> >that read, "Keep off the grass."
> >Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
> short note on the
> >patient's dressing, which said,
> > "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
> >
> >
> > and finally...
> >
> > A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was
> quite embarrassed
> >performing
> >female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he
> had unconsciously formed
> >a habit of whistling softly.
> >The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing
> this exam suddenly burst
> >out laughing and further embarrassed
> >him.
> >He looked up from his work and sheepishly said,
> "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
> >you?"
> >She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
> whistling was,
> >"I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
> >
> > Dr. wouldn't admit his name