The truth of Mr. T
The Big Bang was actually Mr. T pitying space and time for all their jibba jabba.
When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
Once when Mr. T was in Mexico eating a taco dinner, Jesus appeared in one of his tortillas. Mr. T. promptly shouted, "Get the hell out my tortilla, fool!" whereupon, Jesus vanished. The second coming was then postponed another 2000 years.
When Mr. T looks at a Magic-Eye illusion, the image changes into a crying child and it never changes back.
Mr. T was originally casted as Chip Plissken in Saving Private Ryan, but on the first day of shooting, he brought his own guns. His pity afterwards wasn't enough to bring back the 97 people he killed, in the first 10 seconds of filming.
In 1982 while working as a bouncer Mr. T invented a move so perilous that it is still spoken of with great admiration... that move is forever known as T Bagging.
Complaining of back pain, Atlas once asked Mr. T to hold up the world for him. Mr. T agreed, on the condition that in exchange Atlas would wear Mr. T's golden necklaces. After five minutes of excruciating pain, Atlas asked for the world back.
The Cuban missile crisis was ended when a statue of Mr. T with his arms folded was erected on the south coast of Florida.
Mr. T makes onions cry.
Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was.
In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks, gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell's jibba-jabba.
Mr. T holds the trademark for "iPity", and refuses to sell it to Apple.
The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
Every time Mr. T says, "I ain't getting on no plane, sucka!" the value of United and Continental Airlines stock is halved.
Mr. T won the World Scrabble Championship with a triple word score for "sucka". Judges attempted to dispute the validity of the word. While they beg for forgiveness from beyond the grave, their teeth are used for Scrabble tiles.
Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called "I Pretty the Fool". No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.
Mr. T does not go to a hairdresser. He buys a new lawnmower.
Mr. T can crack walnut shells between his pectorals, but it doesn't matter because he eats them whole anyway.
If you believe the saying "what you don't know can't hurt you", you better hope you know Mr. T.
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.
Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
23... That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.
Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift of the beard.
Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.
Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.
The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.
All of the gold in Fort Knox is fake. The U.S.'s actual treasury is chains worn by Mr. T around his neck.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
Why does Mr. T pity himself? He'll never get to have sex with Mr. T.
Chuck Norris once challenged Vin Diesel to an arm wrestling match. Mr. T won.
Mr. T's mother did not break water, she broke molten gold which, upon being born, Mr. T formed into his first gold chain.
Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called "I Pretty the Fool". No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.
Mr. T never actually learned to drive, roads simply move to be where he is. A road once failed to move prompting Mr. T to pity it until it became the Grand Canyon.
The wrath of God is outmatched only by the pity of Mr. T.
There was a time when Mr. T didn't pity fools. That time was called never.
Mr. T is on the Dow Jones stock index. Better known as "Gold". Today he was up 3 points.
Mr. T pities the fools who don't eat his cereal, as it is the only known source of Vitamin T.
Mr. T cannot be killed by conventional means. The only known method to destroy him is prolonged exposure to jibba-jabba.
Mr. T once won the Olympics. All of them.
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Originally Posted by Rican219
No Pinch?
