Funny letter to the government
i dont know if its a repost, i've been here for a while and never seen it.. check it out anyways.
> >> >Subject: FW: "Dam" Government
> >Date: Mon, 25 Apr 2005 16:34:17 -0400
> >
> >
> >This is kind of hard to read, but 'tis hilarious!
> >
> >~Christina
> >FWD:? "Dam" Government
> >
> >This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
> Michigan
> >Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's
> response
> >is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the
> response
> >letter. ?--------------------------------------------------
> >SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
> Dear
> >Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of
> >Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity
> on
> >the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as
> the
> >legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
> >activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across
> the
> >outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the
> start of
> >this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that
> no
> >permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined
> that
> >this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,
> of the
> >Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
> Public
> >Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
> >Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or
> both
> >of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing
> debris and
> >flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are
>
> >inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore
>
> >orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to
>
> >restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and
> brush
> >forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall
> be
> >completed no later than January 31, 2003. Please notify this office
> when
> >the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection
> may
> >be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any
>
> >further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case
> being
> >referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would
> >appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to
> >contact me at this office if you have any questions. Sincerely, David
> L.
> >Price District Representative Land and Water Management Division
> >** This is the actual response sent back: **
> >Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
> Dear Mr.
> >Price: Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to
> >respond to.? I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088
> >Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State
> >unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood
> "debris"
> >dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay
> for,
> >authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be
> highly
> >offended that you call their skillful use of natures building
> materials
> >"debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to
> emulate
> >their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I
> can
> >safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills,
> their
> >dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
> dam
> >determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do
> not
> >think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit
>
> >prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question
> to
> >you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond
> Beavers
> >or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to
> said
> >dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular
> >beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed
> copies
> >of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been
> issued.
> >Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,
> Inland
> >Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
> Protection
> >Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
> >324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. I have several
> >concerns. My first concern is ... aren't the beavers entitled to legal
>
> >representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and
> are
> >unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have to
> provide
> >them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one
> or
> >both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is
>
> >proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
> required
> >to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers
> alone
> >rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want
> the
> >stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the
> beavers,
> >but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any
> >attention to your dam letter ... they being unable to read English. In
> my
> >humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
> >unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
> water
> >flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
> enjoy
> >Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
>
> >Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural
> resources
> >(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the
> beavers
> >and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated
> >enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring
> Pond
> >Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you
> or
> >your dam staff to contact/harass them then. In conclusion, I would
> like to
> >bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health)
> problem in
> >the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods.
> I
> >definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and
> leave
> >the beavers alone.? If you are going to investigate the beaver dam,
> watch
> >your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being unable
> to
> >comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your
> dam
> >answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
> Thank
> >You, Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers
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