My Wife Left Me......

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12 pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day she came home from grocery shopping and when I looked at the receipt and saw $45 in makeup.. I said, "Wait a minute, I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"

She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."

I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"

I don't think she'll be back.


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A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what
is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for moment, then answered,
"Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars."
"Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother
replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix
up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my
God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are
you nuts?!?!?! "

The boy then went to his brother and asked,
"Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course,
" the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks
would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes...

Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three Million Dollars.............

but Realistically,......... we're living with two sluts and a queer.