Funny stuff, right here.

[CRVTech]

These might be old, but I thought they were cute.


Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decided to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice boobs," says the man, "where do you want the blinds hung?"




Bob calls in to his job, "Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm
really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm
not coming into work."

The boss says, "You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like
this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel
better, and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Bob calls and says, "Boss, I did what you said, and I
feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you have a nice house."

[Bishop]

LOL

[ShogunStylez]

HA HAHA!!!!
those were pretty good

[Halfwit]

old but good to hear again.

[The Golden Child]

^ what he said

[JASONBALL]

Cheney paid a $7 fine because he did not have a permit to hunt the bird he was hunting.

[JASONBALL]

stupid>

Headache
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
> >> She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with
straps. He
> >> was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
> >> As they walked through the ape exhibit,
> >> they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
> >> Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars,
and
> >> holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his
chest
> >> with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in
the
> >> pink dress.
> >> The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He
> >> suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by
puckering
>her
> >> lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got
even
> >> more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the
husband
> >> suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more
> >> skin.
> >> She did, and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
> >> "Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.
This
> >> drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.
> >> Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the
cage,
> >> flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
> >> "Now, tell him you have a headache."
> >>

[JASONBALL]

Darn Cat

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one...

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned
on a night light, turned on the phone answering machine, covered their
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi
arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.

The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to
eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes
inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the
house will be empty for the night. She explains to the driver that

her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say

good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab."Sorry I took so
long", he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the
bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She
tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap
her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I

hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...

[JASONBALL]

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when
the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying
at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still
alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can
we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
>>>>> >>>>
He says, "O. K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm
there.
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose."
>
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat
him with died at the scene.

[JASONBALL]

here ya go.

[JASONBALL]

New Cell Phone Law


I don't know if you've heard, but effective July 1, 2006 you will no longer be able to use a cell phone while driving unless you have a "hands free" adapter.

I went to Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a headset with a boom microphone for my cell phone. Having a friend in the cell phone business, I talked with him and was able to come up with an alternative, working through Office Depot.

These kits are compatible with any mobile phone and one size fits all. I paid $0.08 each because he bought in quantity. I'm selling them for only $1.00.

I've tried them out on Erickson, Motorola, Nokia and Verizon phones and they worked perfectly.

Take a look and let me know if you want one, and forward this to anyone you know who may want one!

See Photo below:

[ShogunStylez]

New Cell Phone Law


I don't know if you've heard, but effective July 1, 2006 you will no longer be able to use a cell phone while driving unless you have a "hands free" adapter.

I went to Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a headset with a boom microphone for my cell phone. Having a friend in the cell phone business, I talked with him and was able to come up with an alternative, working through Office Depot.

These kits are compatible with any mobile phone and one size fits all. I paid $0.08 each because he bought in quantity. I'm selling them for only $1.00.

I've tried them out on Erickson, Motorola, Nokia and Verizon phones and they worked perfectly.

Take a look and let me know if you want one, and forward this to anyone you know who may want one!

See Photo below:

OK....
the other ones were aight.
but ^ that one is just WACK!!! lol

[JASONBALL]

go to the search and look up jokes I had another post went for a while some good ones there.