I'm going to put this as bluntly as possible.

You're a mom now. You have responsibilities. GROW UP and MOVE THE FUCK ON.

If I were you, I wouldn't even waste my time on this site. I would have better things to do than heewing and hawing about the past, making pointless threads or whatever. Take your kid out to the park or something. Go get some ice cream. Go to an indoor playground.Go do something fun with the kid.

Get a job, get a life and take care of your kid.

Good luck.