So wtf....

[STRteg]

Lol true. In all seriousness, here's how I would've handled it.

If I was cool with my boss and wanted to keep things on good terms, I would have explained to him that in this economy you've gotta go with the greener pastures so it's time for me to move on... nothing personal.
If I didn't care about my boss, or the extra day or two's pay, I'd just leave and enjoy some time off before I started my next gig.

Yeah this is how it went down:

Me: Sir can I talk to you for a min?
Boss: Yeah, come in
Me: Sir I would have given a little more notice if I had the opportunity, but I have been accepted to work in another position paying a little more than what I'm making right now. My new employer wants me to start Monday, so Friday is going to be my last day.
Boss: (Blank stare accommodated by awkward silence)
Me: (shifting eyes left to right waiting for a response)
Boss: You can't quit
Me: What?
Boss: You can't quit
Me: Wait WHAT?
Boss: You need a Q-tip? Get back to work
Me: O_O

And as I'm leaving his office to walk back in the warehouse:

Boss: Oh and Eli?
Me: Yeah?
Boss: You better be here Monday
Me: (letting warehouse door close abruptly)

So I went back into my office in the warehouse lit up a cig and tried to figure out wtf just happened!?