The Pre-Booty Call Agreement
Recieved this email and thought it was funny...
The Pre-Booty Call Agreement
aka: Come In .Shut up. Fuck. Get Out.
This Agreement shall cover the following rules and principles:
1. No sleeping over- UNLESS IT IS VERY GOOD AND WE NEED TO DO IT AGAIN IN THE MORNNG
2. No meeting in public places for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9pm- (we dont have shit to talk about).
4. None of that "lovemaking" fuck-strictly mind blowing-sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions...(ex. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me- fuck that-Don't ask stupid shit.)
6.No plans made in advance...that is why you are called the "backup" unless you are from out of town -then it's only a 1 time advanced arrangement.
7.All gifts accepted- (money and diamonds are always good)
8. No baby talk (However dirty talk is encouraged)
9.No asking for comparisions with former lovers (it's really none of your damn business)
10. No kissing (too intimate except to other body parts-no mouth kissing)
11. No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends just fuck buddies)
12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is ok- so don't be offended
13. No extra clothing (I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave)
14. No falling asleep right after sex- get your ass up and go the fuck home -it's over! AND DON'T ASK ME TO FIX YOU A FUCKING SANDWICH, EITHER!
15. Don't be offended if I don't ask you if you enjoyed it (I don't care)
16. You cannot borrow my car for any reason
17. If anyone ask who you are the standard response will be "My boys g/f"
18. Doggie style preferred (just hit it hard and right or get the hell out)
19. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better (Don't want to look at your ass - just want to have sex with you)
20. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME
21. The most important one-NO GLOVE /NO LUV; NO HELMET/YOUR SOLDIER DON'T GO TO WAR....carry your ass home
22. Bring your own drink...I am NOT your damn liquor store
23. No phone usage please -don't want anyone calling back looking for your stupid ass.
*EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS: The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this agreement , this agreement will automatically become null and void and you will be removed from the booty call list and deleted from phone memory and email list. You will be BLOCKED from all communications until your dumb ass understands the rules!
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Originally Posted by Nemesis
