This is my advice from a female's point of view regarding your relationship with your fiancee.
- Long distance relationships don't usually work out. There is a reason for this, because it is much easier to step out while still being in the relationship. It gives the person with the wandering eye much more freedom to roam around. This is exactly what she's doing when she is going out with guys to the bar or out for coffee. It makes it extremely easier to cheat when there are no eyes watching what she is up to. So if she is going out with men, then yes she could be cheating. We all wish that everyone is good, and that no one cheats yet it's tough to know who does or who doesn't. You just have to trust the other person and that leads us to the second topic...
- There are already trust issues. A relationship with trust issues should never continue. This only puts more stress on you, and on her. If she is withholding any sort of information small or large then there is a trust issue (same goes for you). So now you are constantly wondering where she is, what she is doing, whom she is talking with...Thus it causes her to feel trapped and making you seem needy or bothersome.
- However, what type of evidence do you have of her doing this? If she is denying this, and you don't have solid evidence like seeing it for your own eyes or texts/pictures of her out with these men. Then, you have nothing, and it very well may be nothing. If the evidence isn't solid enough this could just add more drama into an already rocky relationship. So make sure you have everything correctly explaining the situation in front of you. Something she can't deny.
- A relationship should allow both of you to feel free. Yes, even if you're married I believe the right relationship will not make you feel like you are being bogged down by the other person or the relationship itself. So this being the case, it's telling me that this relationship is wrong.
- When she comes into town I agree not to bring it up as soon as she gets there. Time it well and bring it up before she leaves. Take time to sit down somewhere quiet and think of what you want to tell her. Whatever you do don't do this somewhere crowded nor in the car where it can lead to something unsafe. Tell her how you feel, and make sure you don't put all of the blame onto her or she will more than likely go into defensive mode. This won't help and could cause an argument which will not get to the root of the matter. Try to use sentences like... "I feel that _______and would like to know if this is true. I won't be upset if you tell me _______." Just avoid using the word "you", which can seem accusatory. Keep your voice as calm as possible, and listen to what she has to say. Pay attention to her body language, sometimes this can also spell if she is lying to you or not.
- Don't hit it one last time. Sure it may be tempting and maybe she'll want it too, but it will make breaking up all the much tougher on both of you. A clean break is the best one. Sure you both may hurt, but it's temporary until you both can move on.
- Also don't just go after the next thing with 2 legs that you see. A relationship soon after a break up usually spells disaster, you may still be hurting or reminiscing about the times you had with her. You'll be constantly comparing the new person you are with to the old. One thing that has helped me is to type out or write down everything about the relationship that you can think of, and then once you are done put it away. It can help symbolize you putting the relationship behind you. Everyone needs time to heal, and learn from the past relationship and take the positives you have learned into the next one.
It's really late so I may not have covered everything, yet hopefully you'll be able to decide what to do. You're working hard, going to school, and trying to get a house to build your future with her. It tells me that you're a responsible person, and I respect that. With that information I know you'll find someone that you deserve, that will always be there for you and love you.Don't settle for less my friend!
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Originally Posted by JessAlba452
