the failed sexcapades thread

[pimpdaddy]

With a name like Papa Smurf, you have to have some awesome stories to tell

^ this. lol



Remembered another.

Back when I had my Mustang me and my hook up girl were riding around, and bein the ho she was she starts rubbin on my dick and what, gets me hard. So I get my dick out and start getting road head, damn good btw, and get in the mood and was also struggling to drive my five speed while getting such satisfactory head. So we pull into the church parking lot by my house lol and i start undressing her AND SHE WHIPPED OUT A FUCKING DICK!! lol jp bout that part but for real we start fuckin and end up in the backseat so I get in a good spot and start some good fapfapfap. As the fapping continues I pause momentarily to change position bang me head hard as shit on the back little quater window get a knot on my head and crack the little fucking window but the show must go on, so we finished I took her trashy ass home, went back to my place and downed some advil

[Papa_Smurf]

With a name like Papa Smurf, you have to have some awesome stories to tell

nothing in particular, nah.

but being the head smurf, i've easily maneuvered my small blue cock into many tight, sticky situations in which many of you can't even imagine.

[SouthSide Tay]

^^^repped

so i tmust have been some good head..

lol

[Double_0_Rusty]

el oh el at this thread

[MistaCee]

Disturbing

[DustnU]

like ten years ago,i had my first threesome. i was the last one to cum and both girls were trying rush me. they were takin turns giving head,russian rolette with a full clip. one got a load in the eye and the other girl gets it up her nose. the one who got it in the nose gags and throws up on the half blind one. to this day not a fan of threesomes.lol

Thats GREAT!!!!

i was fucking my ex from behind and she was screaming like fuck, like big time, so i was like fuuuck yeh, and about 2 minutes after that she made me stop and she roll over and her face was bloody as fuck. needless to say, we were too close to the headboard.

Damn thats SUCKS!!!!

Really man, you just made me wake my hole family up laughing at this shit this made the thread EPIC lol :idb:

I am really crying right now at work!!!! I hope no one see's me.

I decide to get the variety pack of condoms and I had went through a few that night. My ex and I were wanting to go at it again. The only condom left was the extended pleasure condom. I put it on and immediately went limp. She was going to get me hard again so she started giving me head. Her mouth went numb and she started drooling.

One of the best stories I've ever heard!!! OMG Bwaahahahahaha!!

And that last long, very very disturbing story made me......wait I just threw up in my mouth a lil bit!!!!!!

[DustnU]

About 7 years back me and my girl were in a dollar movie in Fayco and there was absolutely no one else in there, I forget what movie now but anyway we were messing around and she started to give me head. Back row in a dark theater who cares right. Well I'm about to finish some time later and I'm like SHIT she won't swallow so where to blow this load. I move her outta the way and BUST right on the floor in the isle next to my seat. We finish watching the movie and of course I forget that I blew it there and slip, BUSTING my ASS and tracking cum tracks out into the hall way.

[DunDunSkeert]

hahahahahaha^

[goi_ek]

lol

[ScrapMetalDSM]

Okay I guess I'll throw mine in.

This was about 4 years back. I was living in my fraternity house and there was a party going on. Well my girl at the time and I decide to go fuck up in my room on the third floor. Party was mainly on the 1st flootr and some on the second. Well. We are about midway through fucking. She is on top and riding me hard. My door lock was the kind where all you need is a thumbnail to unlock it from the outside. Well. All of a sudden the door flys open and theres one of my Brothers Conrad with 6...all hot sorority girls. My girl at the time and I look over in disbelief as Conrad is trying to cover his eyes and find the door knob to close the door. Well as he is doing that, my girlfriend gets off of me and hides herself under the covers leaving me fully exposed, and I notice all 6 girls are all looking at me, but not making eye contact if you know what I mean. Conrad finally closes the door, and we bust out laughing. We couldnt finish which sucked but when we got dressed and went back downstairs, there was a much larger group right at the bottom of the stairs and everyone gave us a round of applause.

Embarrasing? Totally. I went and bought a deadbolt lock the next day.

[murderrsiren]

^hahaha damnn.

why embarrassed? least peeps at the party knew you were doin it right. haha.

[ScrapMetalDSM]

Well I guess embarrassed was mroe for my ex. She was afraid to go out of my room.

Something I was leaving out of the story.. One of those girls that saw me, was one taht I was flirting with from time to time... once she saw me fucking another girl - she wanted nothing to do with me... DOH!

[90_ACCORD]

epic thread haha

[murderrsiren]

now that sucks. side chick FTW.

[Psw Jdm]

this thread is hilarious...lol ahaha

[pimpdaddy]

Another one. This past summer I had some buddies stay at my house over night and my gf did too. And she LOVED morning sex so we wake up, I hear all my friends downstairs sturring around and what and we start goin at it. They all were hungry and they start saying "come one matt were hungry lets go eat" and I kept replying "yeah we'll be down in a second" and this particular morning i was lasting a LONG time. they get tired of waiting so they come up stairs and I hear them coming so I get out of bed walk into my bathroom (attached) cut through the bathroom and another sink area and they get to my door and go to knock on it and open it. I then walk out of the door right beside my bedroom door completely naked, sword drawn and was like "hey guys, whats up?" And they turn around and see and of course "awww wtf!" at which point I . So now my two best friends have seen me butt ass naked full erect! lol It wasn't a fail but it was fucking hilarious. I reckomend it to anyone.

[Oz10]

Another one. This past summer I had some buddies stay at my house over night and my gf did too. And she LOVED morning sex so we wake up, I hear all my friends downstairs sturring around and what and we start goin at it. They all were hungry and they start saying "come one matt were hungry lets go eat" and I kept replying "yeah we'll be down in a second" and this particular morning i was lasting a LONG time. they get tired of waiting so they come up stairs and I hear them coming so I get out of bed walk into my bathroom (attached) cut through the bathroom and another sink area and they get to my door and go to knock on it and open it. I then walk out of the door right beside my bedroom door completely naked, sword drawn and was like "hey guys, whats up?" And they turn around and see and of course "awww wtf!" at which point I . So now my two best friends have seen me butt ass naked full erect! lol It wasn't a fail but it was fucking hilarious. I reckomend it to anyone.

[Ed]

Thread went from bullshit, to disgusting to more bullshit.

[pimpdaddy]

Thread went from bullshit, to disgusting to more bullshit.

yep, complete BS

[DVSRX-7]

ok so one time in band camp, i was fucking this chick sideways & felt i had to shit so i held it for a couple minutes, & at the last second before i finished i just let it go & sharted!!!!!! epic fuckin thread! repping everyone with a story

[87 Turbo II]

Oh this one is kinda funny. I dated a girl for 3 years, who not once, ever was good enough to make me cum(I think it was a mentality thing, she was my first serious relationship and I was cum shy around her for some reason). One day she was like "I just want to experience YOU having an orgasm, I'd be cool with anything, even if you jack it while I'm asleep and wake me up and put it in my mouth just before you finish." Lol ok, so I did just that, and she actually was really happy that she had experienced it. a few weeks go by, and she is sleeping next to me, I wake up, middle of the night, raging hard on. I think to myself "well she was happy it happened the first time, so maybe she won't mind it again." So just as I am about to finish I roll her over and I'm trying to get it near her face, but unlike last time when she woke up, realize dI was taking her advice and began sucking me, she was so tired she didn't quite wake up and I ended up just jizzing all over her sleeping face. I was then left with the awkward question of going to get soemthing to clean her up, or waking her up and telling her what I did, or what. But, having just had an orgasm my body said, lay down and take a breather then think about it later. I fell asleep. The next morning she was pretty pissed once she figured out what had happened.

[Friggintitsman]

I was in Iraq and I had some field pussy out there. Well she was still technically married so as to not get caught in adultery we would sneak around and have sex is some various places. Well one night I propped her ass up on the back of an M-88 (tank wrecker) and went to town on her shit. Right after I blew on off I looked over and thought I saw someone standing there watching us. Well that was obviously a hallucination, but it didn't stop me from popping my dick out and running away with my pants around my ankles and leaving her bare assed to the wind on the back of a tank. Needless to say I had some explaining to do and we weren't together much longer after that.

[EL42]

I was in Iraq and I had some field pussy out there. Well she was still technically married so as to not get caught in adultery we would sneak around and have sex is some various places. Well one night I propped her ass up on the back of an M-88 (tank wrecker) and went to town on her shit. Right after I blew on off I looked over and thought I saw someone standing there watching us. Well that was obviously a hallucination, but it didn't stop me from popping my dick out and running away with my pants around my ankles and leaving her bare assed to the wind on the back of a tank. Needless to say I had some explaining to do and we weren't together much longer after that.

he who fucks and runs lives to fuck another day?

[pimpdaddy]

Oh this one is kinda funny. I dated a girl for 3 years, who not once, ever was good enough to make me cum(I think it was a mentality thing, she was my first serious relationship and I was cum shy around her for some reason). One day she was like "I just want to experience YOU having an orgasm, I'd be cool with anything, even if you jack it while I'm asleep and wake me up and put it in my mouth just before you finish." Lol ok, so I did just that, and she actually was really happy that she had experienced it. a few weeks go by, and she is sleeping next to me, I wake up, middle of the night, raging hard on. I think to myself "well she was happy it happened the first time, so maybe she won't mind it again." So just as I am about to finish I roll her over and I'm trying to get it near her face, but unlike last time when she woke up, realize dI was taking her advice and began sucking me, she was so tired she didn't quite wake up and I ended up just jizzing all over her sleeping face. I was then left with the awkward question of going to get soemthing to clean her up, or waking her up and telling her what I did, or what. But, having just had an orgasm my body said, lay down and take a breather then think about it later. I fell asleep. The next morning she was pretty pissed once she figured out what had happened.

LOL, I knew where that was going. I would have done the same thing :boobies:

I was in Iraq and I had some field pussy out there. Well she was still technically married so as to not get caught in adultery we would sneak around and have sex is some various places. Well one night I propped her ass up on the back of an M-88 (tank wrecker) and went to town on her shit. Right after I blew on off I looked over and thought I saw someone standing there watching us. Well that was obviously a hallucination, but it didn't stop me from popping my dick out and running away with my pants around my ankles and leaving her bare assed to the wind on the back of a tank. Needless to say I had some explaining to do and we weren't together much longer after that.

You deserve a medal! and yes he who fucks and runs lives to fuck another day. I bet she had the biggest moment when you took off

[DustnU]

This thread is the BEST ever!!! I am literally LMAO ROTF @ work!!!! Wait I think I theres a tear or two, Bwahahahaha!

[ndgflowshot]

ill throw in my
My sister had just leased an apartment for the first time and wanted to have some people over to celebrate. So me being only 17 at the time decided to invite more than a few of my friends... which wasnt the greatest idea. Anyway after a good two hours of drinking yager and smirnoff beers (wasnt a real man yet lol) i met this husky broad with a beautiful face but more of a round physique. so i say what the hell ill let her suck my dick. so we go in the spare bedroom with no furniture and nothing at all and im on my back getting some pretty good head from a large girl. about twenty mins into it my buddy walks in hammered and was like "whoa!! can i join". Without an answer or hesitation he walks up behind the girl and starts whacking off just enough to get hard. takes the girls pants off and starts hitting from the back. She didnt seem to mind at all so about 10 more mins later another buddy opens the door and was like "whoa, can i watch" and comes and sits on the floor beside us and just observing. So im not getting anywhere close to blowing my load so i suggest to switch it up, she starts blowing the other guy and i go for the pooper:idb:... she stops me mid way and is like "no no you gotta have some lube first". okay i walk out of the room butt ass naked to everyone drinking and yelled at everyone asking if anyone had lube... this got a few laughs and i got bored with looking so i go and take a seat between two of my friends that were really into a good ol game of Halo 2 to even notice im naked. About 5 mins later my sister who was about 22 at the time is banging on the door to the room where my buddy is fucking a fatty and another jacking it watching. She starts screaming to get the whore out of her place, and for them to unlock the door. She fatty mc fat fat had to take the most epic walk of shame ever and my buddy ends up puking all over the floor when my sister broke in, turned on the light and he saw the fatty naked....
pretty funny but i still get shit to this day from everyone there that night

[DunDunSkeert]

ill throw in my
My sister had just leased an apartment for the first time and wanted to have some people over to celebrate. So me being only 17 at the time decided to invite more than a few of my friends... which wasnt the greatest idea. Anyway after a good two hours of drinking yager and smirnoff beers (wasnt a real man yet lol) i met this husky broad with a beautiful face but more of a round physique. so i say what the hell ill let her suck my dick. so we go in the spare bedroom with no furniture and nothing at all and im on my back getting some pretty good head from a large girl. about twenty mins into it my buddy walks in hammered and was like "whoa!! can i join". Without an answer or hesitation he walks up behind the girl and starts whacking off just enough to get hard. takes the girls pants off and starts hitting from the back. She didnt seem to mind at all so about 10 more mins later another buddy opens the door and was like "whoa, can i watch" and comes and sits on the floor beside us and just observing. So im not getting anywhere close to blowing my load so i suggest to switch it up, she starts blowing the other guy and i go for the pooper:idb:... she stops me mid way and is like "no no you gotta have some lube first". okay i walk out of the room butt ass naked to everyone drinking and yelled at everyone asking if anyone had lube... this got a few laughs and i got bored with looking so i go and take a seat between two of my friends that were really into a good ol game of Halo 2 to even notice im naked. About 5 mins later my sister who was about 22 at the time is banging on the door to the room where my buddy is fucking a fatty and another jacking it watching. She starts screaming to get the whore out of her place, and for them to unlock the door. She fatty mc fat fat had to take the most epic walk of shame ever and my buddy ends up puking all over the floor when my sister broke in, turned on the light and he saw the fatty naked....
pretty funny but i still get shit to this day from everyone there that night

BWAHAHAHAHAAH reps coming your way.

[Double_0_Rusty]

I fucked a goat one time, and I got stuck in the barbed wire fence...

[JJSPEC Racing]

I fucked a goat one time, and I got stuck in the barbed wire fence...

At least it wasnt electric, lol!