Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: *OFFICIAL* Tiger Woods Joke thread.

  1. 12-08-2009, 01:49 PM #1
    xxbckiexx
    xxbckiexx is offline
    Senior Member xxbckiexx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Age
    42
    Posts
    2,408
    Rep Power
    25

    Default *OFFICIAL* Tiger Woods Joke thread.

    The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I don't
    know exactly...put me down for a 5."

    Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up tips on how to beat Tiger.

    What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a
    ball 400 yards.

    Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

    What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning?
    They went clubbing

    Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide
    between a wood and an iron.

    Ping just offered Elin an endorsement contract for her own set of
    drivers; to be named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

    Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat
    family--his new name?: Cheetah

    Tiger was driving an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?

    Hello Mister Woods this is the On Star operator we have detected that
    an angry person has put a golf club through your window, we are
    contacting Nike for a new club.

    Who among us doesn't hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest
    golf club we can find??!!

    Tiger's new movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

    Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

    Poor choice; he should have gone with the driver.

    Tiger just hates it when he drives and then his balls hit a tree.

    Based on Tiger’s interests, his new product endorsements will be for Hostess.

    This morning, his agent announced that the new nickname for Tiger will either be Cheetah or Lion.

    His wife Elin told police that she went for a rescue wood, but it looks like she really went for the driver.

    Did you make it out of your own driveway safely this morning? Then you can say that you outdrove Tiger Woods.

    Tiger just lost his endorsement with Gillette because now they can’t use his ad in which he says, “This was my closest shave yet.”

    Tiger Woods is half black, half asian. The black side picked the rims that went on the escalade, the asian side was driving.

    It use to be people talked about Tiger Woods. Now they are talking about Tiger's Wood.

    What does a golf ball, Tiger Woods, and an Escalade have in common? They've all been hit with a 3 iron.
    Way Too Big

    Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

    _██_
    (ಠ_ృ) Riveting tale, chap.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. 12-08-2009, 01:51 PM #2
    bdydrpdmazda
    bdydrpdmazda is offline
    LizBiz eats Carpet! bdydrpdmazda's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Flowery Branch, GA
    Age
    41
    Posts
    13,570
    Rep Power
    44

    Default

    when carlos mencia was here he had some good ones, I cant remember them though.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. 12-08-2009, 01:52 PM #3
    bonezMTA
    bonezMTA is offline
    SHUT THE FUCK UP.COM bonezMTA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Marietta, GA
    Age
    34
    Posts
    521
    Rep Power
    17

    Default

    LMAO!!!!!! good ones!!!
    Have you heard of the guy who rolls and pulls fenders in Atlanta? YEAH, I'M THAT GUY! Hit me up! https://www.facebook.com/VipFenderRolling
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. 12-08-2009, 01:58 PM #4
    xxbckiexx
    xxbckiexx is offline
    Senior Member xxbckiexx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Age
    42
    Posts
    2,408
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bdydrpdmazda View Post
    when carlos mencia was here he had some good ones, I cant remember them though.

    They were probably stolen from other FUNNY comedian, who writes their own jokes, but that's neither here nor there.
    Way Too Big

    Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

    _██_
    (ಠ_ృ) Riveting tale, chap.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. 12-08-2009, 01:59 PM #5
    CHRISNITTOLO
    CHRISNITTOLO is offline
    I'm Glad I'm Human CHRISNITTOLO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Stockbridge? Ellenwood?
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,393
    Rep Power
    18

    Default

    I lol'd a little.
    Quote Originally Posted by tdurr View Post
    sigged.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. 12-09-2009, 01:55 PM #6
    ISAtlanta300
    ISAtlanta300 is offline
    Islander
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Atlanta,GA USA
    Age
    53
    Posts
    2,439
    Rep Power
    26

    Default

    ..looks like Tiger is not out of the Woods yet....
    I got free clear tails with my ride.....
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. 12-09-2009, 02:02 PM #7
    lcortes32
    lcortes32 is offline
    Whats next? lcortes32's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Atlanta/SO*CAL/Nashville
    Posts
    2,225
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    LULZ

    93 Civic EX - Current
    95 Acura Integra GSR-Traded
    99 civic ex-Traded
    95 Civic EG DX Hatch -Traded
    96 Civic DX Coupe -Tradded
    98 Civic EX Fo' Do' -R.I.P
    93 Civic Si Hatchback (Miss you so much Buddy)
    93 Acura DA9 (R.I.P)
    97 Civic EK Coupe(tradded)
    97 Accord SE (traded)
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. 12-09-2009, 05:45 PM #8
    claybird
    claybird is offline
    R Town Rida claybird's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Coosa...Kinda Outside Rome GA
    Age
    36
    Posts
    2,482
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    this is great im rolling


    WANTED:
    A Girl That is DTF for a PhD
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. 12-09-2009, 06:18 PM #9
    Ziptied
    Ziptied is offline
    Fahrvergnügen Ziptied's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,150
    Rep Power
    21

    Default

    What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

    Santa only has 3 ho's.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms Dollar View Post
    You haven't told anyone that those are my boobs in your avatar right? Wouldn't want people going crazy or anything...I know how you get jealous
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. 12-11-2009, 09:31 AM #10
    xxbckiexx
    xxbckiexx is offline
    Senior Member xxbckiexx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Age
    42
    Posts
    2,408
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ziptied View Post
    What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

    Santa only has 3 ho's.

    how many did tiger have?
    Way Too Big

    Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

    _██_
    (ಠ_ృ) Riveting tale, chap.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  11. 12-11-2009, 09:45 AM #11
    roxie911
    roxie911 is offline
    keeps gettin' better roxie911's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Opelika, AL
    Age
    34
    Posts
    6,125
    Rep Power
    28

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by xxbckiexx View Post
    how many did tiger have?
    11
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. 12-17-2009, 07:38 PM #12
    ixlr8
    ixlr8 is offline
    IA Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Age
    50
    Posts
    111
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Tiger is making a new book, How to score 18 holes successfuly .
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  13. 12-17-2009, 07:42 PM #13
    On_Her_Face
    On_Her_Face is offline
    C7 On_Her_Face's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Duluth
    Age
    37
    Posts
    13,938
    Rep Power
    52

    Default

    http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  14. 12-17-2009, 07:44 PM #14
    MachNU
    MachNU is offline
    Public Enemy #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Kennesaw
    Posts
    11,300
    Rep Power
    37

    Default

    My favorite so far...

    > It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have

    > Turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.
    >
    > All the Children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
    > dismissal.
    >
    > Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
    > Leave early today."
    >
    > Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
    > And will answer the question."
    >
    > Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
    >
    > Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
    >
    > Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
    >
    > Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
    >
    > Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
    >
    > Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
    >
    > Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
    >
    > Johnny is even madder than before.
    >
    > Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
    >
    > Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
    >
    > Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
    >
    > Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
    > Questions.
    >
    > When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
    > Keep their mouths shut!"
    >
    > The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
    >
    > Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  15. 12-17-2009, 08:29 PM #15
    smoknlegend
    smoknlegend is offline
    (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ smoknlegend's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Around
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,450
    Rep Power
    24

    Default

    a Tiger tale
    Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
    Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse..
    She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
    Cause a bimbo's phone number was in his Blackberry.
    He'd been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
    Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
    He'd been cheatin' with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
    With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
    From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
    Tiger's sad sordid tale was all over the news.
    With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
    When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
    Despite all his cryin' and beggin' and pleadin',
    Tiger's wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden .
    And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
    "If you're gettin' laid then I'm gettin' paid."
    She's not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
    Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Perma Ban Petition | CHRISNITTOLO not ChrisNitollo or CHRISNITTOLLO or chrisnitolo »

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules

About us
ImportAtlanta is a community of gearheads and car enthusiasts. It does not matter what kind of car or bike you drive, IA is an open community for any gearhead. Whether you're looking for advice on a performance build or posting your wheels for sale, you're welcome here!
Announcement
Welcome back to ImportAtlanta. We are currently undergoing many changes, so please report any issues you encounter with the site using the 'Contact Us' button below. Thank you!