here's a few:

Muscular Contractions
A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions"
to first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject the professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know
what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "He's probably down at the bar with his friends"

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The male perspective - The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15
years of marriage.

The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a
tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've
been married. She goes on and on and on.

Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman!
and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.

The counselor turns to the husband and says "That is what your wife needs
at least three times a week. Can you do that?"

The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here
Monday and Wednesday, but Friday, I golf.

__________________________________________________ _____________

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
What every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not
in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy
your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new
shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each
outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one
wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how
to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of
the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
"WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.