I went to get some ice cream one night, and the cashier says to me

"$4.36 for a pint of ice cream, at 2 in the morning? Do you have a girlfriend?"

and I was all like

"Biiitch, if you don't just bag my shit and let me go, I swufogawd I'ma come across the counter and slap off them fake ass eyelashes"

...but only in my mind.