Favorite Chappelle's Show quotes/moments?
An amazing show that I'm glad I got to be alive for. I have always had a Word document with my favorite quotes, here goes:
"We drew straws to see who have sex wif Katie. Chad got eight. There's only seven people in the house."
Tron, roommate, The Mad Real World.
"White boys dad said "I'm bleeding, I'm bleedingggggg"
Tron, roommate, The Mad Real World
"Here's something you might not know about me Joe Rogan. I smoke rocks."
Tyrone Biggums
"Funny thing about the sleeper hold....it makes your butt hurt the next morning!" - Chad, roommate, The Mad Real World.
"Katie got some big ass tit-tays."
Tron, roommate, The Mad Real World.
"It's not going platinum, it's going double uranium son!"
Un-named Fisticuffs groupie.
"We murdering people, drinking malt liquor and fucking chicks with no rubbers!"
Un-named Fisticuffs groupie.
"Then Jasper said "Look here ******, that there’s my girl! If anyone's gonna have sex with my sister, it's gonna be ME!"
Clayton Bigsby
"Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it."
Tyrone Biggums
"That's impossible, Rhonda. How can you sleep when you're high on crack? Chinese riddle for you."
Tyrone Biggums
"Drugs is all around you kids. Look at that magic marker cap. What the hell you think that is, some kind of crayon? Take it off and sniff it and get high."
Tyrone Biggums
"You know what dog food tastes like? Do you? It tastes just like it smells... delicious."
Tyrone Biggums
"What? Huh? Oil? Who said somethin' bout oil, bitch, you cookin? Oil? Man, I don't know what...
(knocks over water pitcher) Come on, y'all! Get out of here!"
Black Bush
"Motherfuckers take one more step and I'm kicking this ***** out the motherfucking window. "
Charlie Murphy
"Bitches... Come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy."
Rick James
"Now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. But I got the medicine."
Rick James
Chad: "Tyree, you stabbed my dad! And you had sex with Katie!"
Tyree: "Hey man, you got that all wrong. I ain't had sex with Katie. Lysol had sex with Katie. I just film-did it."
Katie: "No, Tyree, you had sex with me too."
Tyree: "Correction: I had sex with Katie."
"I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time, one of the best singers and one of the best looking motherfuckers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch."
Rick James
"There are! I say there are so many amendments in the constitution of the United States of Americaaaa! I can only choose one! I can only choose ooooooone! I plead the fif! I plead the fif! FIVE! 1,2,3,4, fiiiif! Anything you say! FIIIF! Go ahead and ask me a question!"
Tron
"I'm standing there I'm thinking, "This ***** really has lost his fucking mind." First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok. I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, ya know, they did it in Paris, some guy would come up, "I challenge you to a duel." THEY WOULD HAVE A GUNFIGHT AFTER THAT, somebody had to go!"
Charlie Murphy
"Man, fuck you son! I'm glad you think he's so goddamn hilarious because he just walked off with your school clothes money. It's funny, isn't it? I'm broke *****, I'm broke! "
Dave Chappelle
"Let's talk about Chinese people! With their kung-fu and their silly ching-chang-chong talk! I can't understand you, go back to yer country, white power!"
Clayton Bigsby
"If I had my way, I'd never work. I'd just stay home all day, watch Scarface 50 times, eat a turkey sandwich, and have sex all fucking day. Then I'd dress up like a clown, and surprise kids at schools. Then I'd take a dump in the back of a movie theater, and just wait until somebody sat in it. Hear it squish. That's funny to me. Then I'd paint, and read, and play violin. I'd climb the mountains, and sing the songs that I like to sing. But I don't got that kinda time."
P. Diddy
"Truck driver? I ain't no truck driver. I'm a janitor. That's right, baby, I just bought this truck straight cash. I got enough cigarettes for me and my family for the rest of our lives! I'M RICH, BIATCH!"
Random person
"Look, man, look. Michael Jackson has many faces - none of them look guilty to me. You gotta look in the eyes, not the noses."
Dave Chappelle
"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I don't even know you, but I hate you. I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and only to you."
Silky Johnson
"Next ***** who says something while I'm talking is getting shot. Please believe."
Ice T
"Tell your little friends that dreams really do come true. Dave Chappelle came and saw you in the hospital and whooped your monkey ass at some "Street Hoops"!"
Dave Chappelle
"Sir! I'm going to make this very clear. I'm in no way, shape or form involved in any *****dom!"
Clayton Bigsby
"You know, Joe Rogan, this is not the first time I've tasted penis. I've had several! In my line of work, you taste penises all the time!"
Tyrone Biggums
"I happen to know that Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian and not only is his daughter a lesbian but his mom's a lesbian and his sister's a lesbian and his granny has holes in her panties!"
Howard Dean
"Go sell some medicine, bitches! I'm tryin' to get that oil-"
Black Bush
"Hey, it's white boy, ok who ordered the pizza? Hey white boy find the square root of this room."
Tron, roommate, The Mad Real World.
"Why don't you sanction me with your army? Oh wait! You don't have an army! If I didn't have an army, I'd shut the fuck up. Shut. The. Fuck. Up."
Black Bush
"Is that your son?"
"Huh? Nah, I bought this baby straight cash."
Tron
"Can I be real?"
"Be real son."
"Can I be real real?"
"Be real real son."
"THAT ***** TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER!"
"Say word son!"
Black Bush
“He put my nuts on a dresser and banged them shits with a spiked bat….it was straight torture son!”
Tron
“I only drink the finest Cambodian breast milks”
P. Diddy
“I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!”
Rick James
“And as I stand here sipping my soda I’m sure someone spit in, I’d like to thank God for giving everyone else so much and me so little.”
Silky Johnson
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Originally Posted by tinkolby_25
thanks Dekalb Co skhool systems
