(813): The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.

(813): This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

(724): This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.

(775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal

(502): So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(

(215): So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.