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Thread: Hey LizBiz

  1. 05-13-2009, 12:13 PM #1
    Vteckidd
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    Default Hey LizBiz

    Porch monkey, im taking it back

    There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.

    The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

    It takes you 24 weeks just to watch what Jack Bauer does in a single day.

    If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".

    Jack Bauer once showed up late for work. CTU adjusted their clocks accordingly.

    Jack Bauer was once charged with attempted murder in Los Angeles County, but the judge dropped all charges because Jack Bauer never "attempts" murder.

    On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.

    On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.

    If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

    The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.


    Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Jack Bauer's mind. Now he's sitting in a wheel chair.
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  2. 05-13-2009, 12:14 PM #2
    Jason..
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    Did I miss something?
    Jason..
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  3. 05-13-2009, 12:15 PM #3
    EmminoDaGreat
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    what? Im bringing it back, porch monkey? ha. ha. clerks <3

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  4. 05-13-2009, 12:19 PM #4
    Dirty Octopus™
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    i dont know who this guy is but he seems to be better than Chuck Norris on a Sunday afternoon.

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  5. 05-13-2009, 12:22 PM #5
    LizBiz
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    OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!! STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn Jack Bauer

    Edit:

    OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!! STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn Jack Bauer
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  6. 05-13-2009, 12:25 PM #6
    lcortes32
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    WOW...INTERESTING....

    JAMES HOWS MY ENGINE COMING...LOL

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  7. 05-13-2009, 12:27 PM #7
    Dirty Octopus™
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    oh. Kiefer. he's come a long way from David.

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  8. 05-13-2009, 12:27 PM #8
    LizBiz
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    Quote Originally Posted by lcortes32
    WOW...INTERESTING....

    JAMES HOWS MY ENGINE COMING...LOL
    I SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAID how's my phone doing?? *ghetto snaps*
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  9. 05-13-2009, 12:29 PM #9
    lcortes32
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    Quote Originally Posted by LizBiz
    I SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAID how's my phone doing?? *ghetto snaps*
    Oh well the other phone i had ordered broke so i had to go back to using yours so its still active... GOOD PHONE it turned out to be...

    93 Civic EX - Current
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  10. 05-13-2009, 12:31 PM #10
    LizBiz
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    Quote Originally Posted by lcortes32
    Oh well the other phone i had ordered broke so i had to go back to using yours so its still active... GOOD PHONE it turned out to be...
    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! That sucks about the new phone tho. Ghey at least you got one to fall back on
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  11. 05-13-2009, 12:33 PM #11
    lcortes32
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    ^^^ YEP YEP Thanks....So uhh..what was this thread dedicated to you all about.?

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  12. 05-13-2009, 01:00 PM #12
    Ed
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    lol chuck vs jack.
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  13. 05-13-2009, 01:28 PM #13
    BobbyFresco
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    I lol'ed.
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  14. 05-13-2009, 01:30 PM #14
    AFSil80
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vteckidd
    It takes you 24 weeks just to watch what Jack Bauer does in a single day.
    Sometimes you get lucky and get a 2hr episode!

    Fuck I can't WAIT for next week. I wanna see Olivia behind bars! Or naked! I can't make up my mind!
    -91 240SX -- CA18 Power...SOLD, now terrorizing the streets of Alabama
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  15. 05-13-2009, 01:41 PM #15
    Vteckidd
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    Quote Originally Posted by AFSil80
    Sometimes you get lucky and get a 2hr episode!

    Fuck I can't WAIT for next week. I wanna see Olivia behind bars! Or naked! I can't make up my mind!
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  16. 05-13-2009, 01:42 PM #16
    Crazy Asian
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    Quote Originally Posted by AFSil80
    Sometimes you get lucky and get a 2hr episode!

    Fuck I can't WAIT for next week. I wanna see Olivia behind bars! Or naked! I can't make up my mind!
    Both. While at jail get reamed by the butch.
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  17. 05-13-2009, 01:47 PM #17
    willum14pb
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    lol these are great.
    www.featuredtees.com

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  18. 05-13-2009, 01:54 PM #18
    LizBiz
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    No they are not!!!! They piss me the hell off!!!!
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  19. 05-13-2009, 01:55 PM #19
    Crazy Asian
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    Quote Originally Posted by LizBiz
    No they are not!!!! They piss me the hell off!!!!
    Shutup and get me KFC.
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  20. 05-13-2009, 01:59 PM #20
    Buttons
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    haha, i was laughing at these last night.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEKLx...layer_embedded
    response from 03RCode: Hell, it turns me on. I have a steel hard erection as speak

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  21. 05-13-2009, 01:59 PM #21
    LizBiz
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crazy Asian
    Shutup and get me KFC.
    Get ur own KFC bitch. You got more gas in ur tank than me. If you want some chicken I can cook it for ya
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  22. 05-13-2009, 02:02 PM #22
    Crazy Asian
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    f that crap
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  23. 05-13-2009, 02:06 PM #23
    FAM0U5
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    Quote Originally Posted by LizBiz
    Get ur own KFC bitch. You got more gas in ur tank than me. If you want some chicken I can cook it for ya
    Wanna choke I mean cook my chicken? lol

    need shoes for your car? http://www.importatlanta.com/forums/...4#post39046234
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  24. 05-13-2009, 02:11 PM #24
    LizBiz
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    choke your cock?? bwahahahaahahahaa I see what u did there.
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  25. 05-13-2009, 02:19 PM #25
    FAM0U5
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    Quote Originally Posted by LizBiz
    choke your cock?? bwahahahaahahahaa I see what u did there.

    need shoes for your car? http://www.importatlanta.com/forums/...4#post39046234
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  26. 05-13-2009, 02:24 PM #26
    TheGodfather
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    Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris in so many ways.

    But this thread got off to a very racist start
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  27. 05-13-2009, 03:18 PM #27
    Buttons
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    In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?

    The first words spoken after the Big Bang were, “The following takes place between the birth of Jack Bauer and eternity.”

    Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants

    Jack Bauer does not let women on top during sex. Why? Because Jack Bauer never fucks up.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEKLx...layer_embedded
    response from 03RCode: Hell, it turns me on. I have a steel hard erection as speak

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  28. 05-13-2009, 03:23 PM #28
    LizBiz
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    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT U TOO AUTUMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop the madness!!!!
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  29. 05-13-2009, 05:24 PM #29
    Buttons
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    i like them better than the chuck norris ones.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEKLx...layer_embedded
    response from 03RCode: Hell, it turns me on. I have a steel hard erection as speak

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  30. 05-13-2009, 05:28 PM #30
    FAM0U5
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    Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water, but Jack Bauer thought they were fetching nukes so he killed them both and assumed the other Jack's identity.

    Jack Bauer stole every condom in the world. Why? Because he realized he's running out of people to kill.

    When Darth Vader memorably uttered, "Impressive, Most Impressive", he was referring to Jack Bauer on the other side of the Galaxy.

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  31. 05-13-2009, 05:53 PM #31
    BABY J
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    In for head.

    Oh -- wait. NVM.
    "I'm not a gynecologist... but I'll take a look."

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  32. 05-13-2009, 06:24 PM #32
    809KiNg
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dirty Octopus™
    i dont know who this guy is but he seems to be better than Chuck Norris on a Sunday afternoon.
    this is jack bauer
    vvvvvvvvvvvv
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  33. 05-13-2009, 06:59 PM #33
    LizBiz
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    Hey yall,


    STFU!!!!! Damn u mike for this thread!! I HATE you!!!!!
    My boyfriend is better than you...
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  34. 05-14-2009, 01:11 AM #34
    AFSil80
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    Surprised nobody said this one:

    Every night, Bin Laden checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
    -91 240SX -- CA18 Power...SOLD, now terrorizing the streets of Alabama
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  35. 05-14-2009, 01:17 AM #35
    AFSil80
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    EDIT: Double post...busy server notice thingy...
    -91 240SX -- CA18 Power...SOLD, now terrorizing the streets of Alabama
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  36. 05-14-2009, 01:37 AM #36
    DirtyMechanic
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    so Liz you gonig out to olive garden with jamil or not?
    The G Spot Hero

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  37. 05-14-2009, 09:42 AM #37
    AnthonyF
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    Jack Bauer sucks dick.

    -Ant.
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