FML

[On_Her_Face]

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

[Brian*]

Damn LOLOL

[TheGodfather]

I'm 100% sure that 90% of those on that site are made up.

Funny none-the-less, but still fake.

[NVEOUS]

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

[Alan®]

Bwahahaha oh man some of this shit is fucked up

[On_Her_Face]

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

I could see this one being true..

[GLulic]

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

[90_ACCORD]

haha i love that site

[NVEOUS]

Today, I accidently walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her "Need a hand with that?", to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it". FML

[mocha latte cupcake]

first person to post 10 more of these gets +16 from me.

[GLulic]

first person to post 10 more of these gets +16 from me.

lol not worth it.

[SpeedMonkey]

lol not worth it.

you're a faggot.

[GLulic]

you're a faggot.

seriously who are you?

[SpeedMonkey]

seriously who are you?

the guy who isn't pathetic enough to put hot chicks on his Signature.

[SpeedMonkey]

I met a chick, who had a sexy bulging stomach... I ask her if i can buy her a drink she replies "sure, just nothing with alcohol please".. figured she didn't want to drink something hard because she's pregnant, the conversation goes well.. she flirts, her body language is promising.. she asks what encouraged me to approach her, i tell her i have a thing for pregnant women, she says.. with a confused look on her face, " i was a vegetarian, i started eating beef and i guess i've gained weight" FML..

i dismiss myself, and call her a disgusting fat whore.

[On_Her_Face]

I met a chick, who had a sexy bulging stomach... I ask her if i can buy her a drink she replies "sure, just nothing with alcohol please".. figured she didn't want to drink something hard because she's pregnant, the conversation goes well.. she flirts, her body language is promising.. she asks what encouraged me to approach her, i tell her i have a thing for pregnant women, she says.. with a confused look on her face, " i was a vegetarian, i started eating beef and i guess i've gained weight" FML..

i dismiss myself, and call her a disgusting fat whore.

Who are you?

[SpeedMonkey]

Who are you?

*sean connery accent*...

honestly?.... well..................................... yo motherfucking daddy

[NVEOUS]

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

[NVEOUS]

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

[Arm&hammer]

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

LOL

[FasTech]

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

Something like this actually happened to me one time. LOLOL +12 for the funniest one.

[mocha latte cupcake]

spedjunkie j00r back! lol where you been ho?

[SpeedMonkey]

spedjunkie j00r back! lol where you been ho?

grown man things, such as.. staying away from honda S2k's

i've always found it humorous that S2k rhymes with its too gay. must be the white boy in me.

[On_Her_Face]

Speedmonkey, you haven't been on in forever, still working on the same place?

[SpeedMonkey]

Speedmonkey, you haven't been on in forever, still working on the same place?

same 2 places, yes. I'm mexican, i work alot.

lol.

how you been cock-asian?

[On_Her_Face]

same 2 places, yes. I'm mexican, i work alot.

lol.

how you been cock-asian?

Good living in Tennessee now, and I got a new LS3/6spd Corvette. What about you.

[SpeedMonkey]

Good living in Tennessee now, and I got a new LS3/6spd Corvette. What about you.

i still have the Z, its almost paid off, im going to keep it, and go old school project wise.

im not really interested in making power, so im going to get in touch with my roots and build a G ride. there are plenty of cars out there to pick from.. but.. i havent found a shop yet that has good experience wrapping frames. so i might have to take it out of state. i dont know. its gonna take awhile.

[On_Her_Face]

i still have the Z, its almost paid off, im going to keep it, and go old school project wise.

im not really interested in making power, so im going to get in touch with my roots and build a G ride. there are plenty of cars out there to pick from.. but.. i havent found a shop yet that has good experience wrapping frames. so i might have to take it out of state. i dont know. its gonna take awhile.

Mexican.

[NVEOUS]

Today, I found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm. I'm now balding at 19. FML

Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

Today, while working my cash register a man who was 6’3” came in dressed really nice and ordered. After he ordered I asked why he was dressed so nice he responded ”I’m going to court for stalking pretty girls like you”. Our nametags have full names. FML

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

[GLulic]

Today, I found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm. I'm now balding at 19. FML

Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

Today, while working my cash register a man who was 6’3” came in dressed really nice and ordered. After he ordered I asked why he was dressed so nice he responded ”I’m going to court for stalking pretty girls like you”. Our nametags have full names. FML

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

wow you want those rep points.


suck up.jk lol

[FasTech]

Today, I found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm. I'm now balding at 19. FML

Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

Today, while working my cash register a man who was 6’3” came in dressed really nice and ordered. After he ordered I asked why he was dressed so nice he responded ”I’m going to court for stalking pretty girls like you”. Our nametags have full names. FML

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

If I could rep you again I would. You just made my day alittle better.

[NVEOUS]

lol i just love the site. lol its hilarious. And i do want the rep points. I don't have too many lol

[mocha latte cupcake]

+reps for NV

[NVEOUS]

LOL thanks JM

[NVEOUS]

How do you like it?

[AnthonyF]

welcome back Speedmonkey. Fuk these n00bs who don't you!

Every loser on here puts girls in their sigs for reps. How fucking lame.

-Ant.

[SpeedMonkey]

lol.


thanks ant.


and no.. im not that kind of mexican to whoever made the truck joke.

what i will do only time will tell since the cars i like are a big harder to find in good enough shape to use.. but if all goes my way, a 1962 Impala will be my ride. i favor the 62 over the 63 and 64 years but... i love them all. so far in, i have a rusted piece of shit frame that needs some sanding, and hopefully me and my brother can handle the wrapping job ourselves. its going to take awhile. we arent in California.

[FlipKing]

Lol, I dont do it for reps, I do it b-c I think she's hot and I get to see her when I post. I got plenty of reps.lol

[NVEOUS]

Lol, I dont do it for reps, I do it b-c I think she's hot and I get to see her when I post. I got plenty of reps.lol

She is most definately HOT bro.

[NVEOUS]

If I could rep you again I would. You just made my day alittle better.

And im glad i made your day a little better. I've found better ones on there but those are just a few that i found right then

And thanks for the reps