Smart Ass Answers

[Brett]

FIVE SMART-ASS WINNING ANSWERS The 5 winning smart ass answers for 2004...

Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
*****************
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
*******************
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
***********************
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
***********************
AND NOW...FOR ............THE..........
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004.........
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

[LaurenK]

OMG that last one is CLASSIC...lmfao

[Mike Lowrey]

[mocha latte cupcake]

[A.P. Photography]

#1 is awesome.

[Tiff-O-Bitties]

that's awesome!

[B16a2 Civic]

should this have been posted in 2004....Time warp!!!

[Kristi]

the overpass one is from blue collar comedy tour

[kilpatty43]

lol nice ones brett

[Brett]

Got them in an email today, thought you all would laugh

[Jaimecbr900]

The last one was really good.

[Bajjani]

LoL that last one was awesome

[Darling Nikki]

Those were great Brett. Nice

[Brett]

I try...lol

[JustinSane110™]

should this have been posted in 2004....Time warp!!!

Damn, I had to check the date on this one and make sure you didnt go thread diggin again.

[trythefly]

excellent

[Leisa]

FIVE SMART-ASS WINNING ANSWERS The 5 winning smart ass answers for 2004...

Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
*****************
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
*******************
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
***********************
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
***********************
AND NOW...FOR ............THE..........
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004.........
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

hahaha those are cute

[D16Civic]

haha, that last one was great

[Leisa]

i agree

[Ms Dollar]

that is probably the funniest thing i have heard/read all day

[Brett]

You didnt hear it, you read it...lol

[Julio]

Awsome.. all funny... Cop was my favorite.