I had just started going out with this girl and we went to olive garden for a late dinner. We went back to my house and after a little while i drove her home. Now, about half way to her house i got the sensation that i needed to pinch a loaf. If i was smart i would have dropped the deadly deuce once i got to her house but we had just met a week or so ago and i didnt exactly want to give birth to the anti-christ in her bathroom. so i said goodnight and headed home.

I still had the urge to shit but i decided i could hold it instead of going in one of those dirty gas stations. You know, the ones where you walk in and you think, "good god how could someones aim be this bad." man oh man was i wrong. About 15 minutes from my house i realized i was totally screwed. that olive garden chicken parmesan had gone through my bowels like sherman through atlanta. Even worse i ran into a traffic jam, so i took some back roads hauling major ass doing like 60.

This put me in an even worse position because i got stuck behind some old bag doing like 25mph. i drove by a toppled port-a-potty and contemplated standing it up and shitting in there but i knew i would lose it by the time i got half way to the plop john. Plus my car was a 5spd so every time i pushed the clutch in the liquid mass of turds crept closer and closer to my sphincter. At long last the lady turned and i floored it home. As soon i hit my driveway i launched out of the car, leaving it still running. unfortunately my launch was fueled by, you guessed it, shit. i lost all control and by the time i hit the front door i was totally finished with my business. good thing it was dark though, i ended up taking a shower with the hose.