best email ever!!!
my friend jesse sent this to me - it's been forwarding around UGA campus, etc for a little bit now so you might have gotten it before.
Enjoy!
This guy's girlfriend cheated on him and she wrote him an email
to apologize. His response is hilarious. The first paragraph is the
girl and the second is the guy's response. Enjoy.
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right
now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying
that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all
the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last
person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse
at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to
say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can
handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even
handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't
handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird,
the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid
me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't
know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you
didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping
that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally
crazy and stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally
strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior
didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you
hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a
terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say
or do to take back what happened. I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for
'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less
about'. You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and
forgetting to carry the one is 'a stupid thing'; Mixing in a red Sock
with a load of whites is 'a stupid thing'; Blowing some guy in a
bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're
taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran that morning isn't
as much a 'Stupid thing' as it is grounds for permanent removal from
my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing
that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once, but
twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying
'Well, I didn't Fuck him' somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive
me if I couldn't care less if the world 'looked funny' to you
yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been
most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings
for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't
think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill
cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your average
child porn collector.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs
you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little
like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.
Talk to you never,
Brad
Originally Posted by Vteckidd:
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