So I hear you Liek Conservatism...

[DrivenMind]

ED is FTW.

The political ideology that states that it is generally a good idea to keep the status quo no matter how fucked up it is. Based on this definition, no conservative exists, as everybody wants to change something. A more plausible summary of the goal of conservatism: going backwards in time to something like the 1920's, where CP and the Internet didn't exist. At least 100% of the time Conservatives are Fundie Christians, although the white power types prefer Arnold Murray and the Christian Identity movement. Some of the moar Nazi ones even try to reclaim Norse religions.

Many of these people love Jesus, and love to force others to believe in him. However, Last Thursday, Ronald Reagan killed Jesus, and he is now recognized as God of America.

Conservatives are known for lower taxes, spending more, killing *******, being staunch supporters of science, they love guns, and hate gays (despite being gay themselves). They also hate sex, love teh sweet buttsechs and are against killing the unborn but love killing the already born. They also love George W. Bush and Larry the Cable Guy.

Many believe that Conservatism will save America. These people are usually greedy capitalist pigs,
militant neo-cons, rednecks, and Ted Haggard... basically rich, white, assholes who have no idea what (or even where) America is.

Conservatives have long established the ideal of a master race that dominates the social system. This sensibly ties in to the fact that they want to preserve the status quo and are already a genetically powerful white with a socially superior background. To this day, the master race has dominated the inferior races from a political to personal level.

Basically, conservatives believe that everything should go back to how it was a generation ago, but then the conservatives from that generation would have things go back to how they were a generation before that, and so on and so on, which would mean that they in effect believe that people should eventually revert to being cavemen

Conservatives weren't always exclusive to the Republican party. The Gun Laws of today were enacted after the Civil War by conservatives in the Democratic Party; they were referred to as "Black Laws", meant to keep guns out of the hands of black people. At least 100 years ago Condoleeza Rice's grandfather went into town to register to vote. He first went to the Democrats office where he was thrown out when Conservatives told him that "******* weren't welcome in their party". He then went to the office of the GOP where he was allowed to register and vote, as long as he didn't act too uppity. Years later in 2001, Condoleeza was hired by W as the token self-loathing lesbian minority of his Conservative administration.

Hippies protested at the Democratic Convention in the 60's wherein the mayor ordered the police to beat the piss out of them. Hippies are often seen in films from that era chanting "FUCK YOU LBJ" referring to the then Democratic president Lyndon B Johnson. Only after those hippies got jobs as professors, NBC "news reporters", and presidential candidates did they ever try to expose Conservatives and Republicans as racist. This was made easier by the fact that most conservatives didn't do anything useful whatsoever. The poorer ones ate raccoons, killed homos, attended megachurches and spent their Welfare checks on their KKK memberships. The rich ones drank all day and plotted their comeback by purchasing all of media through Rupert Murdoch, the true face of the Anti-Christ.

The US president experienced a dilemma when told by senior staff that he was a conservative. This was because he thought conservating was an activity only undertaken by smelly, tree-hugging hippies.

Kool-Aid:
The official seal of the Republican party and conservatives in general is the Kool-Aid man. The reference originates from the Jonestown Massacre, where a Christfag named Jim Jones led sum nigras to cross the Nile into Guyana where they slurped Grape Kool-Aid all day like nigras always do. It's comparable to the way conservatives down George Bush's bullshit where he claimed conquering the nation of Iraq, would somehow protect the US from Iraq's intercontinental ballistic nuclear missiles that, Saddam's own top generals knew existed. Saddam himself eventually admitted that the WMDS WERE A LIE to scare off Iran, but he didnt think that America would invade. Oops.

Conservative Porn:
It is well known that since conservatives are publicly against all bodily fluid contact, skin to skin contact, or any other fun naked stuff, save for procreation. Privately they tend to be more deviant than liberals. They also get off listening to balding, fat blowhards on AM talk radio. The ultimate in Conservative porn is hearing the latest Rush Limbaugh wannabe go off about immigration, banning gay marriage or threatening to shoot the homeless into space. If you want to hear some of this auditory porn, try just about any AM radio station below the Mason-Dixon line in the United States. Fox News will also do in a pinch for a quick splooge in the living room.

Epic Win.

My personal addition to IA conservatives.
I'd like to thank all conservatives, for securing my country so I can has the gay buttseks, with your gay son. I'm teaching my children to hate Jesus, speak spanish, and how to eat the American flag. If any conservative would like to disagree, I would liek you to direct you complaints towards my cock, and invite you to the liberal orgy I'm hosting in a few weeks. We had special blow up dolls made with teh face of W on them, so we can take turns sucking his ass, and waxing his pole. This Party is BYOB, which means of course bring your own Bible, because beer is actually the semen of the devil looking to infect the minds of your children with crazy radical ideas, or perhaps impregnate your daughter, much like the virgin Mary (without a dick) with another anti-Christ (read Barack HUSSIEN Obama).

[Friggintitsman]

TL/FWI

[Ran]

WALL OF TEXT

[Alan®]

cliffs

[DrivenMind]

They're not even full paragraphs.

I guess I'll provide cliff notes for all the ADD fuckers in here, who wouldn't want to read anything longer than 200 words.

Conservatives are all white men, who love jesus, and think the earth is 6000 years old. They all think people used to ride dinosaurs, and that all military service designates heroism. They believe that whites are the superior race, and hate anyone of color. They get lulz from liberal guilt, and send considerable portions of thier welfare checks to cover their KKK memberships.

They think the big 3 make epic cars, and that all cars made by the big 3 should come with stars and stripes plastered all over the exterior to let everyone know what a true patriot drives.

They also hate sex, despite being closet homosexuals. They deal with a lot of "going to hell" guilt, and think that society should revert to how it was a generation ago. Unfortunately the conservatives from that generation wanted it the way it was, a generation before that. Effectively they want to own land, party naked, and engage in uninhibited prejudice and bigotry.

[Ran]

Effectively they want to own land, party naked, and engage in uninhibited prejudice and bigotry.

I'm looking for the problem here.

[RandomGuy]

http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-...97834_5076.jpg

[Alan®]

They're not even full paragraphs.

I guess I'll provide cliff notes for all the ADD fuckers in here, who wouldn't want to read anything longer than 200 words.

Conservatives are all white men, who love jesus, and think the earth is 6000 years old. They all think people used to ride dinosaurs, and that all military service designates heroism. They believe that whites are the superior race, and hate anyone of color. They get lulz from liberal guilt, and send considerable portions of thier welfare checks to cover their KKK memberships.

They think the big 3 make epic cars, and that all cars made by the big 3 should come with stars and stripes plastered all over the exterior to let everyone know what a true patriot drives.

They also hate sex, despite being closet homosexuals. They deal with a lot of "going to hell" guilt, and think that society should revert to how it was a generation ago. Unfortunately the conservatives from that generation wanted it the way it was, a generation before that. Effectively they want to own land, party naked, and engage in uninhibited prejudice and bigotry.

Read this and OP and both are fail

[Friggintitsman]

I'm an anarchist

[DrivenMind]

Read this and OP and both are fail

You're a conservative. Of course you wouldn't get a giggle out of it.
(I hope your not a fundie.)
This is serious business for you.

Go to ED and post up the definition of Liberal.
Then I'll come in and say what you said, and we can pretend it's worth a shit.

[BobbyFresco]

I'm an anarchist

[Alan®]

You're a conservative. Of course you wouldn't get a giggle out of it.
(I hope your not a fundie.)
This is serious business for you.

Go to ED and post up the definition of Liberal.
Then I'll come in and say what you said, and we can pretend it's worth a shit.

I simply find it funny that anything negative that gets posted about Obama now is ridiculed and the justification for it is "The election is over". Yet shit like this gets posted up and its ok .I get it it's funny but I mean come on the elections over.

This of course all my responses could simply be my sleep deprivation since its 85 degrees in my room and the maintenance guys for the dorm havent showed up to fix it and doesn't look like they are going to .

[Ed]

ED is FTW.

as soon as i read this, i knew this was an awesome thread.

[The Ninja]

ED is FTW.

The political ideology that states that it is generally a good idea to keep the status quo no matter how fucked up it is. Based on this definition, no conservative exists, as everybody wants to change something. A more plausible summary of the goal of conservatism: going backwards in time to something like the 1920's, where CP and the Internet didn't exist. At least 100% of the time Conservatives are Fundie Christians, although the white power types prefer Arnold Murray and the Christian Identity movement. Some of the moar Nazi ones even try to reclaim Norse religions.

Many of these people love Jesus, and love to force others to believe in him. However, Last Thursday, Ronald Reagan killed Jesus, and he is now recognized as God of America.

Conservatives are known for lower taxes, spending more, killing *******, being staunch supporters of science, they love guns, and hate gays (despite being gay themselves). They also hate sex, love teh sweet buttsechs and are against killing the unborn but love killing the already born. They also love George W. Bush and Larry the Cable Guy.

Many believe that Conservatism will save America. These people are usually greedy capitalist pigs,
militant neo-cons, rednecks, and Ted Haggard... basically rich, white, assholes who have no idea what (or even where) America is.

Conservatives have long established the ideal of a master race that dominates the social system. This sensibly ties in to the fact that they want to preserve the status quo and are already a genetically powerful white with a socially superior background. To this day, the master race has dominated the inferior races from a political to personal level.

Basically, conservatives believe that everything should go back to how it was a generation ago, but then the conservatives from that generation would have things go back to how they were a generation before that, and so on and so on, which would mean that they in effect believe that people should eventually revert to being cavemen

Conservatives weren't always exclusive to the Republican party. The Gun Laws of today were enacted after the Civil War by conservatives in the Democratic Party; they were referred to as "Black Laws", meant to keep guns out of the hands of black people. At least 100 years ago Condoleeza Rice's grandfather went into town to register to vote. He first went to the Democrats office where he was thrown out when Conservatives told him that "******* weren't welcome in their party". He then went to the office of the GOP where he was allowed to register and vote, as long as he didn't act too uppity. Years later in 2001, Condoleeza was hired by W as the token self-loathing lesbian minority of his Conservative administration.

Hippies protested at the Democratic Convention in the 60's wherein the mayor ordered the police to beat the piss out of them. Hippies are often seen in films from that era chanting "FUCK YOU LBJ" referring to the then Democratic president Lyndon B Johnson. Only after those hippies got jobs as professors, NBC "news reporters", and presidential candidates did they ever try to expose Conservatives and Republicans as racist. This was made easier by the fact that most conservatives didn't do anything useful whatsoever. The poorer ones ate raccoons, killed homos, attended megachurches and spent their Welfare checks on their KKK memberships. The rich ones drank all day and plotted their comeback by purchasing all of media through Rupert Murdoch, the true face of the Anti-Christ.

The US president experienced a dilemma when told by senior staff that he was a conservative. This was because he thought conservating was an activity only undertaken by smelly, tree-hugging hippies.

Kool-Aid:
The official seal of the Republican party and conservatives in general is the Kool-Aid man. The reference originates from the Jonestown Massacre, where a Christfag named Jim Jones led sum nigras to cross the Nile into Guyana where they slurped Grape Kool-Aid all day like nigras always do. It's comparable to the way conservatives down George Bush's bullshit where he claimed conquering the nation of Iraq, would somehow protect the US from Iraq's intercontinental ballistic nuclear missiles that, Saddam's own top generals knew existed. Saddam himself eventually admitted that the WMDS WERE A LIE to scare off Iran, but he didnt think that America would invade. Oops.

Conservative Porn:
It is well known that since conservatives are publicly against all bodily fluid contact, skin to skin contact, or any other fun naked stuff, save for procreation. Privately they tend to be more deviant than liberals. They also get off listening to balding, fat blowhards on AM talk radio. The ultimate in Conservative porn is hearing the latest Rush Limbaugh wannabe go off about immigration, banning gay marriage or threatening to shoot the homeless into space. If you want to hear some of this auditory porn, try just about any AM radio station below the Mason-Dixon line in the United States. Fox News will also do in a pinch for a quick splooge in the living room.

Epic Win.

My personal addition to IA conservatives.
I'd like to thank all conservatives, for securing my country so I can has the gay buttseks, with your gay son. I'm teaching my children to hate Jesus, speak spanish, and how to eat the American flag. If any conservative would like to disagree, I would liek you to direct you complaints towards my cock, and invite you to the liberal orgy I'm hosting in a few weeks. We had special blow up dolls made with teh face of W on them, so we can take turns sucking his ass, and waxing his pole. This Party is BYOB, which means of course bring your own Bible, because beer is actually the semen of the devil looking to infect the minds of your children with crazy radical ideas, or perhaps impregnate your daughter, much like the virgin Mary (without a dick) with another anti-Christ (read Barack HUSSIEN Obama).

[Deke]

I'm looking for the problem here.

This made me LOL.

[Turbo04]

Effectively they want to own land, party naked, and engage in uninhibited prejudice and bigotry

Given the choice between that and nurturing other people's sense of entitlement and pandering to their feelings and wishes....I'll take the land. But hey I'll send invites to my party.

[redrumracer]

you do know that some of the biggest KKK leaders where democrats right? also that democrats wanted jim crow laws that essentially held back blacks? or the fact that a conservative aka republican freed the slaves?

just wondering if you knew this.

[DrivenMind]

I do. But if I'm not mistaken, back then the republican party held more or less what we believe to be democratic party values. It's been said that the parties are more or less ass backwards from what they used to be, and that they seem to be cyclically trading places, and values.

Personally I feel assigning any one particular ideology to any one particular party is silly and irrelevant, since a group of people can change their beliefs to suit their perceived needs at any given time.

Don't take it personally, for the time being, my circumstances have me living with a recently returned vet, and his uber conservative father. I vent here because at his age, he is not the type of person to see any sort of flaw in his belief system, and because I get sick of hearing Fox news every morning, hearing him bitch about democrats, and listening to him slip the word ****** into casual conversation. I pick on conservatives here (and anywhere on the interwebs) with such animosity because I live with one whom I'd like to engage in civilized discussion but does not seem to posses the mindset to see beyond political parties, or trivial classifications. It's all in good fun man.

[Alan®]

I think washington was right when he said we shouldnt have parties period

[DrivenMind]

I think washington was right when he said we shouldnt have parties period

I'd agree to that.

[redrumracer]

no that period was actually right before all that civil war stuff happened, it was just a lil before that, that all the stuff straightened out.

[DrivenMind]

Yea I thought I might have been a little off on that.

But if it makes you feel any better I'm not really a democrat either. I was an avid Ron Paul supporter, who got caught up in the good vs. evil, old vs. young bullshit of this election. And the thought of Palin running the country had me leaning towards Obama as the lesser of two evils.

I view conservatism as a sometimes necessary hindrance to social progress. It always seems to bring security, and wealth to the people, but sometimes to such an extent that it breeds a sort of contented apathy, where people no longer strive to further advance the human condition.

I'm a paradox of political ideaologies, and I'm happy to have it that way.