see the thing about "god" in the 12 step program is that it doesnt have to be an actual god, but i was kinda the same way, and found out that it can just be "good orderly direction". I really dont like the whole god thing either but just think of god in that manner, so that it doesnt effect you like it would be if it were religious. we all gotta start somewhere, and the first meet is always awkward, just keep going and just listen to what ppl talk about and say. it will help