i need to rant for a moment

[mocha latte cupcake]

ok seriously generally i don't complain but here i just gotta vent b/c this car is pissin me off. ok so heres the deal this guy comes to me and wants me to be his private mechanic. i was like umm ok i do need the money what do you want done?

tune up
brakes
coolant change
oil change
balance tires
a few lil misc things.

i'm like easy enough sure. and heres where the fun starts...

1989 325i... sits for 6 months out of the year never driven. brakes last changed. 4 years ago. last balance? 6 years ago. last oil change? 2 years ago? last time the coolant was changed? "i don't know maybe when i bought the car" aka 10 years ago! tune up? 4 years ago.

as i slowly see the picture unfolding in front of me i realized i shouldn't have taken this job. i'm in for a nightmare. the coolant comes out a decent green brown....with some kind of "mud" in it ...

the tune up takes me a damn hour plus b/c with these cars you have to remove some coolant lines, undo some hoses (while not breaking the brittle sons of beachs they are) and then its just a simple pain in the arse.

so i started on the brakes... the fronts didn't go to bed. i just took my time and kinda eased into it. well this isn't so bad. we should be fine

oh but wait... heres where the fun starts. moving on to the rear!

the caliper to bracket bolts are almost frozen. a can of PB plaster, hammer and wrench later and it finally breaks loose. ok fine 45 minutes later. irritating but its progess now. i finally get the caliper off and now i need to switch the rotors. well.... easier said than done.

the bolt holding it to the hub is..... frozen. oh but wait it gets better... that nice little ALEN head is a perfect circle AWESOME! oh but whats this sticky part around the head of it? oh wait! that looks surprisingly like... THREAD LOCK! WTFSFJPAZSODUFAOIHRLKJAHWELC8RQ3O;4 EPIC F*K! WHO THE HELL THREAD LOCKS A F*KIN ROTOR BOLT!!??!!?! ITS HELD ON BY A CALIPER AND 4 LUG NUTS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH!

SO.... after screaming for like an hour! aka at least a minute. i cool down and start to work... ok its stripped. lets try and get a bigger allen in there and get it to work... k hammer check... allen check... prepare for a dumb idea check... i beat that thing like a pornstars p*ssy while on coke with a riders whip like it owed me money on my birthday! the frickin allen started to round down before it would make the hole bigger.... UGH!

fine! F you! i'm getting a flat head and we'll make this work!....
i beat that thing with a flat head screw driver and hammer making slow progess for about a hour.. no longer able to feel my hands except for pain of the constant pounding i get it about half way in there... now to add PB blaster, torch, and epic amounts of pure jdm hand torque....

*the following scene has not yet been rated*
i twisted that thing... let me just explain to you what happened. i put more torque on this screwdriver than dom torreto had in his blown beauty @ the end, i possibly could have twisted the chassis for all i know!.. my little esnap/craftsmen/stanley screwdrivers are all broken now! i'm beyond irritated and i have to go play the drums now... so for epic amounts of no sleep and irritation! i just don't even know anymore....

[j0nbunklah0m]

hahaha epic story. he better be paying you good

[Bruce Leroy]

HA... i would have just drilled that bish out.

**** breaking tools.

[mocha latte cupcake]

my drill is F'd up right now... trust me i would have lit a nuke under this thing if i wasn't makin some decent cash off the deal, and even now. the price just went up

[blacknightteg]

JM to cheer you up, just think of the picture message i sent you yesterday, you still need to find the cord by the way so you can post it up.

[The Ninja]

Lol, got in a little deeper than you thought you would, huh?

[redrumracer]

did he pay you up front or is this going to be like that shop that got used for a couple grand

[Shawna]

awww does JM need a hug

[DirtyMechanic]

i need some JM cliffs... or a JDM phone call... and i saw marta that V and said it took you hours to remove the distributor... lol or something like that... explain fool

[Psycho]

ok seriously generally i don't complain but here i just gotta vent b/c this car is pissin me off. ok so heres the deal this guy comes to me and wants me to be his private mechanic. i was like umm ok i do need the money what do you want done?

tune up
brakes
coolant change
oil change
balance tires
a few lil misc things.

i'm like easy enough sure. and heres where the fun starts...

1989 325i... sits for 6 months out of the year never driven. brakes last changed. 4 years ago. last balance? 6 years ago. last oil change? 2 years ago? last time the coolant was changed? "i don't know maybe when i bought the car" aka 10 years ago! tune up? 4 years ago.

as i slowly see the picture unfolding in front of me i realized i shouldn't have taken this job. i'm in for a nightmare. the coolant comes out a decent green brown....with some kind of "mud" in it ...

the tune up takes me a damn hour plus b/c with these cars you have to remove some coolant lines, undo some hoses (while not breaking the brittle sons of beachs they are) and then its just a simple pain in the arse.

so i started on the brakes... the fronts didn't go to bed. i just took my time and kinda eased into it. well this isn't so bad. we should be fine

oh but wait... heres where the fun starts. moving on to the rear!

the caliper to bracket bolts are almost frozen. a can of PB plaster, hammer and wrench later and it finally breaks loose. ok fine 45 minutes later. irritating but its progess now. i finally get the caliper off and now i need to switch the rotors. well.... easier said than done.

the bolt holding it to the hub is..... frozen. oh but wait it gets better... that nice little ALEN head is a perfect circle AWESOME! oh but whats this sticky part around the head of it? oh wait! that looks surprisingly like... THREAD LOCK! WTFSFJPAZSODUFAOIHRLKJAHWELC8RQ3O;4 EPIC F*K! WHO THE HELL THREAD LOCKS A F*KIN ROTOR BOLT!!??!!?! ITS HELD ON BY A CALIPER AND 4 LUG NUTS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH!

SO.... after screaming for like an hour! aka at least a minute. i cool down and start to work... ok its stripped. lets try and get a bigger allen in there and get it to work... k hammer check... allen check... prepare for a dumb idea check... i beat that thing like a pornstars p*ssy while on coke with a riders whip like it owed me money on my birthday! the frickin allen started to round down before it would make the hole bigger.... UGH!

fine! F you! i'm getting a flat head and we'll make this work!....
i beat that thing with a flat head screw driver and hammer making slow progess for about a hour.. no longer able to feel my hands except for pain of the constant pounding i get it about half way in there... now to add PB blaster, torch, and epic amounts of pure jdm hand torque....

*the following scene has not yet been rated*
i twisted that thing... let me just explain to you what happened. i put more torque on this screwdriver than dom torreto had in his blown beauty @ the end, i possibly could have twisted the chassis for all i know!.. my little esnap/craftsmen/stanley screwdrivers are all broken now! i'm beyond irritated and i have to go play the drums now... so for epic amounts of no sleep and irritation! i just don't even know anymore....

That is a lot of letters.

Words suck, there's like too many of them.

[mocha latte cupcake]

i know that isn't a typical jm post but i was in a rush so i didn't have time to find pix.

and no he paid upfront.

and the dist came off in about 40 minutes... ugh it sucked cause half the bolts are rounded or rusted then this retarded design makes you remove like 3 coolants lines and steel tube to barely slide that frickin thing out. ugh stupid bimmers is all.

boobs mcgee - yes i do!

ninja - yeah pretty much! i as under the assumption that there was more "maintence" going on than there was. basically he neglected the car forever and then was like hmm it doesn't drive right.