Quote Originally Posted by SatansRectum
When I jerk off, I like to draw a little face on my hand. That way after I'm done, I can have a conversation with it, and pretend to care about what it has to say. Even though really all I want is for it to get the hell out of my bed and make me some steak before I push it down the stairs.
And that is exactly why you'll never get laid. Well, that and the fact that god hates you and you suck at life.