Oh dude, you better don the flame suit cause it's about to come down hard.

In an attempt to answer the question with as minimal a homo reply that can be given, I'd probably say Johnny Depp. Dude is cracked out, ugly as f*ck, and just generally creepy. Afterwards, however, telling 98% of high school girls that you slept next to Johnny Depp would grant you instant access to their southern chamber.