The Perfect Day

[Ruiner]

THE PERFECT DAY FOR RUINER (done by a friend of mine on OT as a joke)

6:43 sleep interrupted by persons of color attempting to steal Nissan Pathfinder
6:44 burst into garage, mow down persons of color with AK-47
6:54 police arrive, compliments on marksmanship and choice of weapon for home defense
7:30 breakfast in tastefully-decorated dining area
8:00 leave for work
8:10 near fender-bender with landscaping truck
8:11 occupants of truck approach SUV, appear agitated
8:12 deliver fatal headshots to each with Glock pistol, left-handed, while dialing 911 on cell
8:15 Doraville police arrive on scene, more compliments on marksmanship
8:25 Local Homeland Security representatives arrive, awarded "Freedom Fighter" status on the spot.
9:00 arrive at work
9:01 create thread discussing morning's events
12:00 leave for lunch
12:30 Arrive @ Chops w/father, numerous high-ranking GA officials
12:35 Apps, champagne, light banter centering on gun laws
12:40 dark-skinned waiter approaches table clutching package
12:41 waiter falls to the ground in a hail of fire
12:42 high-fives and good-natured arguing about who was first to hit center-mass
12:50 Police arrive on scene, package turns out to be a special recognition plaque from the NRA, but since you "can't be too careful" no charges are filed
1:00 Steaks and assorted side items arrive
2:00 back to work
2:01 more threads on OT
6:00 leave work, head to trendy club
6:25 doorman ushers you to private table
6:30 local pro athlete and entourage are seated next to you
6:31 blackberry post to OT mentioning athlete by name w/cam phone pic
10:00 arrive home, girlfriend has thoughtfully collected brass casings from garage and had them melted into rifle statuette by local artist
10:05 post pics of brass statuette on OT
11:00 bed, still-warm Glock nestled under pillow

[Kelly]

THE PERFECT DAY FOR RUINER (done by a friend of mine on OT as a joke)

6:43 sleep interrupted by persons of color attempting to steal Nissan Pathfinder
6:44 burst into garage, mow down persons of color with AK-47
6:54 police arrive, compliments on marksmanship and choice of weapon for home defense
7:30 breakfast in tastefully-decorated dining area
8:00 leave for work
8:10 near fender-bender with landscaping truck
8:11 occupants of truck approach SUV, appear agitated
8:12 deliver fatal headshots to each with Glock pistol, left-handed, while dialing 911 on cell
8:15 Doraville police arrive on scene, more compliments on marksmanship
8:25 Local Homeland Security representatives arrive, awarded "Freedom Fighter" status on the spot.
9:00 arrive at work
9:01 create thread discussing morning's events
12:00 leave for lunch
12:30 Arrive @ Chops w/father, numerous high-ranking GA officials
12:35 Apps, champagne, light banter centering on gun laws
12:40 dark-skinned waiter approaches table clutching package
12:41 waiter falls to the ground in a hail of fire
12:42 high-fives and good-natured arguing about who was first to hit center-mass
12:50 Police arrive on scene, package turns out to be a special recognition plaque from the NRA, but since you "can't be too careful" no charges are filed
1:00 Steaks and assorted side items arrive
2:00 back to work
2:01 more threads on OT
6:00 leave work, head to trendy club
6:25 doorman ushers you to private table
6:30 local pro athlete and entourage are seated next to you
6:31 blackberry post to OT mentioning athlete by name w/cam phone pic
10:00 arrive home, girlfriend has thoughtfully collected brass casings from garage and had them melted into rifle statuette by local artist
10:05 post pics of brass statuette on OT
11:00 bed, still-warm Glock nestled under pillow

No sex? Are you a girl?

[Ruiner]

No sex? Are you a girl?

I have a fiancee (so the sex is there) and this was something written by a friend of mine who knows that I am a gun freak.

Another friend wrote this:

I met Ruiner's fiancée on a plane, she was nice, she told me about Ruiner's day. For instance, when Ruiner comes home from work.

He parks the truck around the corner and contacts her via FRS radio to let her know that he is at the perimeter.

She then turns on the floodlights and temporarily disarms the electric gate. Ruiner then vaults over a concertina-wire fence surrounding his yard and rolls into position behind a bush. It's not really a bush, it's actually a secure mobile command post complete with ballistic leaves.

Anyway, once he is satisfied that the yard is clear, he rushes forward through an obstacle course made of discarded truck tires to a small post which contains a retina-scanner. Once identified, he is able to access an otherwise hidden keypad into which he enters the day's unique 67 digit passcode to unlock the front door.

He kicks open the front door and throws a flash-bang into the foyer. His girlfriend wisely waits behind a blast-proof door in a closet. Once the smoke clears out the ventilators, they remove their tactical vests and embrace.

Very nice girl.