Originally Posted by
cactusEG
How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Above you but below me
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a
"penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? one penny for my thoughts, costs 2 for me to listen to your bullshit
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you
were buried in for eternity? No, not unless you cut holes for the wings, duh.
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? So you have room for dipping sause
What disease did cured ham actually have? Client - Doctor privilege. I can't tell you.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it
would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Because after the feminist movement women made us carry our own damn bags.
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies
wake up like every two hours? Geting a tit in your mouth every two hours ain't a bad deal either.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
hearing? Yes
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? You can't fit a human body inside a TV space wise, but the movie screen is bigger than any human. Therefore you could "fit" inside it
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground? To look down women shirts
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going
to see you naked anyway. So they can place bets on where your mole is.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? Because I said so.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Bagels
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid
song about him? I don't care, apparrently you do.
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpoollane ? No
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of
a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? His degree was in electrical engineering
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs! Goofy talked too, he was smarter
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap,
why didn't he just buy dinner? He only had a line of credit at the store.
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from? babies
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons? Depends on the religon
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune? No
Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Yes
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Your mom had a copyright on Butt-r-roid. She later decided not to name you that.
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out
the window? Your breath stinks
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