Monday morning Laughs
A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!"
And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down nuts!" And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, "Well... everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS!'"
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?”
“I've been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you've had quite a few.”
“I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.”
Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"
Bush said, "We're planning World War III."
The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"
Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!"
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