Ask Fred Sanford anything

[SpeedMonkey]

Those 2 times musta been after I had a big meal. Fred doesn't fuck for an hour after eating, gotta keep the cramps away.

i won 2. no seriously... why are we competing fo bitches.... back in elementary we swore to bros bee-fo hoes...

[Fred Sanford]

Because pussy is like kryptonite to brotherly friendships. That and we think with our cawks

[TheGodfather]

It's easy to confuse heartburn and a heart attack. Turns out some pepcid has gotten my acid reflux under control so I don't have any more scares. GERD is a bastard to live with.

Glad you're ok.

[1SICKLEX]

how can anyone get that much neg rep!! lmao

[Fred Sanford]

how can anyone get that much neg rep!! lmao

What can I say...people love the sanford.

[Leadfoot_mf]

what is freds dream car?

[Maniaç]

did the "big bang" really happen?

[Fred Sanford]

what is freds dream car?

I've been jonesing for an '87 Yugo.

[Fred Sanford]

did the "big bang" really happen?

Yes it did. I remember it well, it was a nice night in Cancun. I'd had a few drinks and talked to her. After an hour we both went back to my room. Big bang indeed son.

[Maniaç]

Yes it did. I remember it well, it was a nice night in Cancun. I'd had a few drinks and talked to her. After an hour we both went back to my room. Big bang indeed son.

i knew you were gonna say something like that!!! nice reply once again, Mr. Sanford.

[Leadfoot_mf]

what is the difference between brown and white eggs?

[Fred Sanford]

what is the difference between brown and white eggs?

About $1.20.

[Maniaç]

y0 fred, why are females so fucking retared?

[Fred Sanford]

y0 fred, why are females so fucking retared?

I think that women's ovaries produce an excess amount of estrogen, more than scientists know. While this same hormone contributes to a woman being a woman, I think it also rots their brains. This is the only logicical way to explain why women are tolerable up to around age 13 (when estrogen production goes full force) and it goes to shit from there. The behavior goes a full 180, then 90, then 360, then 270. It's like behavior russian roulette except instead of a bullet there is a "act like a cunt" round in there. Many women seem to lose at this game, thusly answering your question as to why women are so retarded, AKA cunts.
They also have smaller brains and stole a rib bone from the first man. If adam was black and eve stole his rib, bitch woulda got a razor cutting like no other.

[Maniaç]

LIRL!!!!!!!!!

[BTLFED]

This thread is comedy gold!

[Lamont S.]

Hey Pop,
When is Aunt Ester going to bring over some more of them preserves?

[Fred Sanford]

Don't be inviting ugzilla over here to the house 'na.

[Lamont S.]

Pop,
I hope you don' talk that way when Janet comes ova lata.

[SLOWLYbtngU]

I think that women's ovaries produce an excess amount of estrogen, more than scientists know. While this same hormone contributes to a woman being a woman, I think it also rots their brains. This is the only logicical way to explain why women are tolerable up to around age 13 (when estrogen production goes full force) and it goes to shit from there. The behavior goes a full 180, then 90, then 360, then 270. It's like behavior russian roulette except instead of a bullet there is a "act like a cunt" round in there. Many women seem to lose at this game, thusly answering your question as to why women are so retarded, AKA cunts.
They also have smaller brains and stole a rib bone from the first man. If adam was black and eve stole his rib, bitch woulda got a razor cutting like no other.

Holy shit...Someone that understands me...This is great! +1

BTW-If Eve was Puerto Rican and Adam was black, both would be two cut up mothafuckas.

[Ch0ng!]

Fred maaan...

i want to quit smokin maaan..

how can i succeed in doing this maan..

its just that... welll.... *grabs guitar and plays*

UP IN SMOKE!...THATS WHERE IIIIIII... WANNA BE... you see.. cause when IM HIGGGGHHHH THE WORLD BELOW... dont bother me.... when life.. begins to turn into a dangerous and winding road.. i take a TOKE.. and all my cares.. GO UP IN SMOKE

[Lamont S.]

You brown-colored nothings are the main cause our junkyard gets broken into. Why don't you go back to where you done came from.

[Fred Sanford]

Fred maaan...

i want to quit smokin maaan..

how can i succeed in doing this maan..

its just that... welll.... *grabs guitar and plays*

UP IN SMOKE!...THATS WHERE IIIIIII... WANNA BE... you see.. cause when IM HIGGGGHHHH THE WORLD BELOW... dont bother me.... when life.. begins to turn into a dangerous and winding road.. i take a TOKE.. and all my cares.. GO UP IN SMOKE

You gotta specify if you wanna stop smoking weed or black cocks. Once your answer is received, we can go from there.

[Ch0ng!]

You brown-colored nothings are the main cause our junkyard gets broken into. Why don't you go back to where you done came from.

im white maaaan... CHEECH is brown you dumb big lipped coon...


i got something for ya maaaan..



BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... dont fuck with me maaan.. i'll make tree ornaments outta dat ass maaan..

[Lamont S.]

I should have done known dat you was a honkey because of that dumb shit that done came out yo mouth. Ask all the honkeys why they wanna be with Lamont? I'm sure they tell you.

[Ch0ng!]

oh you mean.. these cats maaan. take em maaan. we dont need them.

[Lamont S.]

You honkeys are all the same.

[Maniaç]

Mr. Sanford

Why is Lamont S. trying so hard to be like you? His jokes suck, and he'll never be like you. why?

[Ch0ng!]

You honkeys are all the same.

takes a hit off the bong.......

*blows out smoke*...

you see here big lips. i would agree with cha.. most of us "honkeys" do share similar behavior/characteristics but divide far from each other in our depths. while you coons all just look alike. talk alike. walk alike. eat the same shit. 2 step, lean back, rock with it, do it with no hands, sippin on some syrzzzup, bankhead bance no job gettin's and all that good stuff you dig southernplayalisticadillachomeskillet?

[Lamont S.]

All I have is one questions for you. When can you do my taxes next? Pop and I stay busy.

[Ch0ng!]

All I have is one questions for you. When can you do my taxes next? Pop and I stay busy.

Taxes??.. well first... you need a job nigga...

maaaaaaaaaaaaan...

*lights up next blunt*.

[Lamont S.]

You mean to tell me you don't know what my job is? My job be to rob yall rich white honkeys out yo money at my junkyard, and bidness be good right now. Take yo honkey ass back to the suburbs Chester, real folks talkin.

[Maniaç]

Ch0ng & Lamont are fucking retarded.

[Lamont S.]

I see you done took my advice with dat avatar. No one likes dildos that be on they avatar.

[Ch0ng!]

You mean to tell me you don't know what my job is? My job be to rob yall rich white honkeys out yo money at my junkyard, and bidness be good right now. Take yo honkey ass back to the suburbs Chester, real folks talkin.

well i guess i dont mind paying a little extra for junk.. after all my grandpa did beat your grandpa with a stick.

and had someone not slammed a nigga's face into some dough we would have never had gorilla cookies.

[Lamont S.]

Honkey I see you flappin that yapper, but alls I doin is sitting back and watching the honkey try and sound smart.

[Ch0ng!]

Honkey I see you flappin that yapper, but alls I doin is sitting back and watching the honkey try and sound smart.

why dont you go lock yoself up in your room listen to some wu-tang clan.. hype yourself up and go talk out the side of your neck and meanmug some white folks walking into QT's.

[Maniaç]

I see you done took my advice with dat avatar. No one likes dildos that be on they avatar.

if you knew me you would know, i don't stay with one avatar for more then three- five days.

[Lamont S.]

Chong, It done sounds to me like you had got yo ass whopped by a brutha and yo honkey taken. I will say that snake looks a lot better hiding in the peach than the chocolate pudding.

[Ch0ng!]

Chong, It done sounds to me like you had got yo ass whopped by a brutha and yo honkey taken. I will say that snake looks a lot better hiding in the peach than the chocolate pudding.

no, i just dont like you bruthas cause a nigga stole my bike.