Its funny what you find when you're bored on the Intraweb

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Guys.....Having trouble coming up with a name to describe what 99% of you are doing tonight? (masturbating) Choose a euphamisim from this list below! Girls too!!!!

5 digit disco
High Five Big Bird and slap Burt & Ernie
a hand & peter fight
an allied Irish (Ireland)
Andy Hadlanding
a date with Palmela Handerson
attacking the one-eyed, purple-headed warrior
auditioning the finger puppets
auditioning the hand puppet
bang one off, bang one out
bash the bishop
bat
batting away
batter the sausage
beat a bludger (SNL)
beat off
beat your beef
beat your meat with your feet
beating up the Pope
boil the kettle
bop the bologna
bop the love clown
box the clown
burp the worm
bust a nut
butter the corn
chafe the yard (used in early colonial-era Puritan legal documents)
choke the chicken (US)
choke the Bishop
chuff (UK)
clean the cheese off the George Foreman Grill
clear the snorkel
consult Professor Hans Jerkov
coping with being a male
crack one off
crank one out
crank the Crandall
cuff your carrot
crying yourself to sleep
dating Miss Michigan
deploying the troops
discussing the Irish situation
do a number three
do a Zac
do the Brau
do the five finger shuffle
do the donegani
do the Mastro
doing the hand jive
doing the Jedi hand-trick
doctor, heal thyself
drive the skin bus
entertain oneself
going for a Bowen
fap
feeding the ducks
fifty flick fun
finding Nemo
fire the pump-action snot-gun
fire the artillery
firing off knuckle children
fist your mister
five knuckle shuffle
flogging the Bishop
flog the dolphin
flog the log (Australia)
fluffing my Garfield
fly solo
fucking Palm and her five sisters
full knuckle shuffle
fwap
get the white out
giving oneself the low five
glynning
going for a Bowen
going to Andreas
going up the Eiffel Tower and back
gurk
hand job
hand relief
hand-to-gland combat
have a date with Mrs. Michigan (Michigan's Lower Peninsula resembles a hand)
have a hand shandy
have a mastie
have a pull
have a talk with James Lipton
have a wank (Britain)

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For the ladies:

a date with Charlie
bean rubbing
brooking
buffin' the muffin
buttering up the whisker-biscuit
churn the butter
Clinton's cave
composing on the single-key piano
dancing with Damien
date with Rosie
diddle
dildo oneself
double-click your mouse
digging a trench
driving Miss Daisy
feed the other mouth
feed the cannibal
fiddle
finding Nemo
finger-bang
finger oneself
finger-fuck oneself
five finger taco tango
flicking Flinkman
flick the budgie (Australia)
flicking the bean
four-lipped whistling
frig
frosting the muffin of love
giving the fuzzy bunny a carrot
gusset typing
itchin' the ditch
impeaching Bush
jill off
harvesting lentil
letting your fingers do the walking
let the beaver swim
little Southern romance
making soup
massaging the mound
marching the penguin
nursing the hatchet wound
paddling her canoe
playing Sonic
playing the pelvic piano
Hand Solo
plunging the Happy Hole (US)
poke oneself (Britain)