One Year Ago Today...(didn't know where else to post this)

[HvyArms]

One year ago, today, I lost my cousin. He was a Freshman at Clark Atlanta University, same school I got my BS at. I miss him.

He was only 18 when he was killed, but in so many ways I feel that he has much more wisdom than I. The night he died, I didn't cry, I've long since lost my tears. I haven't cried since I was 5, he was 2 then. I miss him.

He has 3 brothers, and 2 sisters, but his death created this void and we've all kind of collapsed into it.

Because of the circumstances surrounding his death, our families have become divided. I see my uncle, and he speaks with a smile, but we talk as though we're not even related. His oldest brother and I never really got along, but our relationship has become even more strained since that night.

He doesn't blame me for his brother's death, but he blames me for my inaction. I held my cousin while he died, as his soul left him. I can remember holding him tightly, hoping that my firm embrace would encourage him to hold onto his life.

When the ambulance got there, I was shouting to the Paramedics. I was shouting for them to hurry up. No he hadn't moved, at all, I wasn't sure he was still breathing, but he was still warm. The Medic asked me to lay him down, so that they could attend to him. It was then, that I realized he wasn't warm at all. That it was his blood that was warm, and it had soaked my clothes. I was holding him so close to me, that I thought the warmth was coming from his body.

One year ago, today, I lost my cousin. And I miss him.


RIP Hajj

May Allah forgive your sins, and reward your good deeds, and grant you paradise.